Why do some men have power issues about sex?

Question

I mean hey sex is about feeling good and being close to someone, right?

Was it maybe bad experience when they were children?

special k that's an example of what I'm talking about thank you. If the woman is on top physically than it's connected with being on top as power.

btw I don't mean it as a cut on you personaly .. I got you :)

Answer 1

Ok. I am going against my better judgment in answering this question, but, I can't resist Sigy. I consider myself a thoroughly modern woman. I hold a position of power and influence in my community, I own my home (purchased it myself before meeting my husband), and, I hold several volunteer positions that are highly respected and of "power". LOL.

With that being said, I find that before being with my husband sex was a very different experience than it is now. It was fun and exciting, but, ultimately unfulfilling. I often thought about what is "ok" sexually and was quite aggressive at times. Upon finding my husband and our beginning our lives together, my attitude about sex changed. It wasn't any longer about power, or strength, or, "fun". The first few times it was. The 5th time or so, I broke down and cried, and, accepted that we were soul mates. Now, mind you, I was SO NOT A VIRGIN, and, not some "innocent, inexperienced girl", but, there was nothing like this... Over the years, I have willfully (and happily) surrendered sexual control to my husband. I know that this is going to get people on here in an "uproar", but, when I found that this man was loving and caring and would never hurt me, our sex life became a connecting of our souls instead of a "fun" experience. We have very intense, emotional, primal experiences with one another.

As a strong woman, I WOULD NEVER IMAGINE allowing a man that much sexual control, and, truthfully, if I were reading this from another woman, I would think that she is brainwashed or a moron, (LOL), but, within the dynamics of our relationship, it is right for him to have the power when it comes to sex. I gladly surrender it to him. It makes me feel secure and loved that I can trust him enough to take "control", and, it is the most intense pleasure I could ever feel....

Answer 2

This is tied, in spirit, to the idea of wanting a virginal girl...

A 'sexually empowered' woman is a woman who feels free to choose her own sexual partners and, of course, this makes many feel insecure, because said woman is (supposedly) less inclined to stick with him, since such women are (stereotypically speaking) just oh so wanton as to want 2,4,10 men. The assumption being that a sexually empowered woman has the drive of a man, and, of course, the availability to get whatever she wants, and a man, given the availability, will screw anything in front of him. And remember, the man feels that he must be given the availability.

See, from the male viewpoint, women are already sexually empowered... they are the ones that do the choosing, the man gets only gets the sex that is available to him. The fact that women are usually the stopgap to male sexual conquest means that the wanton women symbolizes (and that is the operative idea here: what the woman symbolizes) a surrender to chaos, throwing morality out the window. This is because the male relies on the female to regulate his sexuality. He knows that wantonness will get him into trouble. Without the symbol of feminine chastity, he feels his own resolve slide, and is afraid he will no longer be able to do the right thing with out that feminine symbol.

Please do not take this to be representative of my own opinion. This is my theory about the the fears of these 'some men' you mention. I know those guys.

Answer 3

You should read Jon Eldridges books, he talks a lot about these things

The porn thing is true. Society is so sexualized that a lot of people use it as a power tool, I know a girl like that, the more people she had sex with the more confident she became and it wasnt a good confidence, it was like a hardness and an ego thing.

People are afraid of real intimacy, if a man is to gentle, hes gay, if a woman is aggressive shes a d*ke, at the same time boys arent allowed to be tough anymore, dont hit, dont fight and women are expected to do everything themselves, make money dont rely on a man and being a housewife or a mother and not having a career is scoffed at as if its lower species.

Answer 4

Perhaps they did have bad experiences as children, but many people have had them, and as adult men and women, we have the choice to not allow for those experiences to interfere with our sexual openness and fulfillment.

I think that it was last year, a friend and I were discussing women and sex, a discussion which began when he told me that women have all the control when it comes to sex, then associated a woman perfoming oral sex on a man with having control over him.
I laughed, thinking it was kind of funny, but also shared my views on that matter, considering the representation of the act itself...to me, fellatio could be considered quite humbling for the woman actually, not that it isn't a great way to please one's male partner, but I'm specifying about the connection he had made to it and "power".

Certainly, there are many women whom use sex as some sort of tool to get what they want, it's conniving and manipulative, because men are sexual by nature, so they can't help their urges for sex, and are in the right when complaining about women using sex as a way to control them, from that point of view I totally agree.

But on the other hand, I also agree with you, many men, when dealing with women, don't have a balanced approach on sex (at least, in my opinion) and view it from a perspective of dominance. Sex shouldn't be made into a power struggle, it's supposed to be consensually and mutually enjoyable for everyone.

Answer 5

because some are competitive. some want to win and be number 1 they want to have all the pleasure and wont give back a thing just take what they can get. they want the remote, the driver seat, being on top, receiving the pleasure, and they get it... and as for why some are like this is society because it is a learned behavior or way of thinking. and some women are the same way because it has nothing to do with biology but what your brain was feed and personality.

Answer 6

Sex is not only about feeling good and being close to someone the same as food is not only about feeling good and being close to the dinner table. Biology is complicated. Humans are complicated. Sex is complicated. We don't compartmentalize everything perfectly - thankfully.

For men who have power "issues" about sex I imagine there are several factors. Perhaps it is a bad childhood experience. More likely it is an amalgam of "issues" from their entire past. How their parents and siblings interacted, how their neurons got wired, how their brain chemicals got distributed, how their behavior was / was not reinforced.

I'm sure there's been plenty of good (and bad) actual research performed re this, though, and I'm just speculating.

Answer 7

People have power issues in relationships. Its neither just a man or a woman thing. Sexual power is one aspect of those relationships. Some men may have trouble coming to grips with a womans sexual superiority. Women can have sex more often then men, almost on demand and women can far exceed men in orgasms per day or per session. I don't know of the female superior position to be a problem for men in general. In my experience it is one of the most beautiful and stimulating sights in my life.

Answer 8

Why do you connect being on top as being in power?

Sometimes you just need a change, some women can climax easier being on top, it feels great when she is on top, or sometimes you just need to switch and catch your breath.

If you are in the right relationship it has nothing to do with power.

Answer 9

I think it is more a personality issue, I think that a person is unsure of his own abilities he try (s) to show the woman that he is a great lover and does already know everything to do!
I personally know man like that. That like to brag about their sexual abilities. I think sex is an act for mutual enjoyment and I would ask a new partner what she likes.

Answer 10

Low self esteem and having been raised by an overbearing mother that belittled them.