What time is a respectable time for married person to come home?

Question

When my husband goes out to hang out with his friends he usually comes home around 3:30 am but I think that is too late. When I go out I try to get back in between 1 am - 2:00 am but usually earlier than that. Sometimes he has come home between 4 am - 5 am always with some BS excuse why he is coming in so late so my question is, what time is a respectable time for a married person to come home?

I have said stuff to him time and time again about staying out that late and he said that he feels that 3:30 am is not late but i told him that if I'm uncomfortable with it then he should change it. I don't really go out that much but when I do it's usually with my brothers and sisters so we go to a restaurant or something so i'm usually home by 1:00 am or earlier.....i just think you owe your spouse a certain level of respect and shouldn't stay out until the wee hours of he night.

and for those of you saying that he is an adult and should be treated as one and shouldn't have a curfew, i agree. i didn't say he couldn't go out at all but there is a level of respect that you owe your spouse. i have no problem with him going out but staying out that late is disrespectful to me and i'm only speaking for my situation not anyone else's.

Answer 1

He's not a child, and last time I checked there wasn't a "married people curfew." A "respectable" time for a married person to come home is when said married person and his/her spouse AGREE is acceptable to both of them. To say "all married people should be home by 1:00am or else it's inappropriate" is random and childish. It's going to be different for every person.

If you don't like him coming home so late, then discuss it with him in a calm, mature, logical manner. Don't just argue that "respectable married people should be home by some arbitrary time that I just made up, so that's when you should be home."

I think the real problem here is that you and your spouse have communication and/or respect issues. Those issues AREN'T going to be solved just by imposing a curfew. I'd suggest some counseling for the two of you.

Answer 2

When did becoming married mean having a curfew?! Now if he is going out ALL the time and coming home that late, I could see a problem. But if he is going out once a month (even twice a month) with his buddies then I don't think it is an issue! Just because you are married does not mean your lives end. I still go out with my college girlfriend at least every 3 months and am gone for 2 days. If you trust him, and it is not a frequent thing I don't see a problem.

Answer 3

Usually when people stay out that late they are going to get into some kind of trouble. It is OK to have separate friends however those friends especially guy friends will entice him to go out and have a fling especially if the girl is nice looking. I am not saying he is doing that but bars close at 2:00am. Is he telling you where he is at all times in case of an emergency? If he is secretive and acting strange then you know something is up and that is probably why you are wondering when a good time to be home is.

Answer 4

It depends on what you and your spouse can agree upon. If you guys AGREE that 2am is a respectable time to be home after a night out with friends then 2am it is. If you guys sit down and agree upon a time, like 2am, and he rolls in at 4am-5am then you have every right to stick the proverbial foot up his @ss! LOL! No really, you guys should talk about this and set some ground rules for friend night. It is not unreasonable to set a curfew for one another. I know you guys are adults, but you are also married adults and your husband should respect your wishes of not wanting him out at all times of the night. Bars usually have a closing time so where is he and what is he doing in the wee hours of the night/morning? I say set some rules and demand that both of you guys stick to them or "friend night" will disappear. Good luck!

Answer 5

I would say midnight. My opinion - "the freaks come out after mid-night". The later the night goes on - usually the more people drink. The more people drink - the more they let their guards down. I really think 3 am - is just asking for a fight. And I agree with OWEN up there - when you get married - you should be wanting a change of lifestyles.

Take it from me - I was married for 14 years. I started going out on girly nights - the last year of my marriage. I think it was a crutch for me - to get away and act like I wasn't married. So - 12 am is late enough - in my opinion.

Answer 6

I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!! We had so many fights because he would go party at 6pm and come home at 5am. This was when I was pregnant with our first kid. I moved out and he stopped and I moved back in a month before our son was born. Now when he goes out he comes home usually between 1am -2 am. But the other night last Friday actually he left at 10pm and came home at 4:30 am. OOOOOHHHH, I was mad, not for the late time but for the fact that he drove home drunk. I told him husband or not I will call the cops on him if he does it again. And I won't pick him up either. If he wants to drink to the point of getting that drunk l, I told him that his loser *** friends can come and drink outside and they can walk home but he is not doing that anymore. So to me a respectable time is no later than 12am

Answer 7

if he is really out with his friends (honey you may want to investigate further on that), most bars close at 2 a.m. , so 2:30 sounds reasonable. Just don't make staying out that late an every day thing.

If YOU came in at 3:30 a.m., how would HE like it? Most guys don't like the shoe being on the other foot.

Life is too short to put up with BS excuses from anyone.

There is nothing GOOD going on at 4 or 5 a.m., I can almost guarantee that. Most guys that are out that late are drinking, doing drugs, or cheating, or a combination of the three.

Tell him to shape up or ship out!!

Answer 8

If this is a constant problem, you guys have to talk about it. Maybe you should tell him that one of these nights you're going out with your friends and don't know what time you're coming back and see how he responds. On the other hand, what is it with people who get married and still act single? Just a rhetorical question.

Answer 9

Last Call is at 2a.m. - providing he is having (or you ) a great time. But, I don't see a need to be out any later than 2a.m. I think midnight or 1a.m. is a reasonable, respectful hour for a Married person. Of course, if ya'll are out together, that is completely different.
Don't put up with any BS excuses !!! If you do, he will just keep shoveling you more BS !!!! Good Luck !!!

Answer 10

If I were to marry a non-white or someone from a faith that wasn't a Heathen faith such as Asatru, Forn Sed, Nordisk Sed, Theodism, etc, they wouldn't care. They also would do the whole "as long as he makes you happy" thing and they'd mean it. However, if I were to marry outside of my culture (again) my Mother and Grandmother would FREAK OUT. My ex-husband was not only the "Heinz 57" of the dark skinned races, he was not a Heathen faith path. They were cool with that. However, he was also not from my culture. They were not so cool with that. They warned me repeatedly that many men from cultures outside the Nordic cultures did not value or view their womenfolk the same way. I laughed them off and said "but he's American! Women are equal there, too!" Well, they are - just not in the same ways culturally that women are treated as "equal" in Nordic/Heathen households. They accepted him as part of the family when he went back to Norway to meet them right after we were married and that was probably only because he was still on his best behavior. Things went downhill very quickly after that though and he started treating me as if *I* were property and that everything that was his was his and everything that was mine was his as well. (Did I also mention he had trouble holding a job and I was the primary wage earner even when he did work?) I ended up leaving him when it became apparent he also was severely mentally ill and violent. The combination of factors have now made me very resolute in that IF I ever remarry, I will NEVER marry outside my own culture again. Period. Disclaimer: If I met and became all twitterpated with an American man who was raised with the same values as a Nordic Heathen or just the same value system as a culturally Nordic man regardless of faith path and he lived by those values, I'd definitely consider it. My family would not be so keen on the idea of my generally laid-back attitude in such things though. Because for my family, that attitude IS VERY laid back! Honestly, I should probably just let my family pick my next husband should I desire one in the future. We'll do this very old-school, Viking era type matchmaking. Or something like that. LOL!