Do you think it's better for people to seperate?

Question

If husband found out their wife is cheating? So he wouldn't be able to use it agianst her later.

I'm asking this question for my sister, she's in love with someone else and want a divorce. Even though her husband knows that she is, he refused to let her go.

Answer 1

Your sister needs legal advice. The marriage laws for each state are different and she needs to know what the specific laws are regarding marriage for her state.

If adultery is a factor in the marriage laws, the fact that she is separated from her husband doesn't make cheating less serious, I wouldn't think.

When you say "he refused to let her go", I presume you mean that her husband told her that he doesn't want a divorce. This is one of the reasons that she needs to see a lawyer, to find out whether she needs "grounds" (specific reasons) to get a divorce or whether her state is a "no fault divorce" state.

My state, Minnesota, is a no fault divorce state. To get a divorce, either the husband or wife only need to show that there are "irreconcilable" differences. Being separated for 6 mos. to a year was all that was needed to show that.

Since there are children involved, I would suggest she get a legal separation rather than just leave, as my wife did. Otherwise her husband might be able to claim, "abandonment" by her and that could affect the divorce negatively for her.

All of those things being said, it sounds as if your sister is not very emotionally mature. There is a lot of that these days. Getting married because of emotional reasons only, (I'm in love with him/her, that's all that matters) is not a good idea.

There are so many factors that go into whether the couple be happy together and be able to live harmoniously with each other, that need to be there in addition to being, "in love".

In addition, for a marriage to last, each person must make a real commitment to be faithful in marriage and to stay with that person forever.

I remember when I got married I realized that I was making a commitment for life. That if the most beautiful, sexy, kindest, mature, smartest woman in the world came up to me after I was married, told me she was in love with me and that she had to have me; I had to tell her that I was sorry, that I was married for life and that she must look for someone else. I had made my choice of who I would marry, and that you only get to make this choice, once.

The advice I would give your sister would be to dump her b/f and beg her husbands forgiveness for her adultery. Then she must never do any cheating again.

If her and her husband are ever having difficulties in the marriage, then her and her husband need to work out those issues so that they can again be happy together.That would be the best thing for her, her husband, and her children; in the long run.

This idea that if someone is married and "falls out of love" with their spouse, that they must go find someone else to "fall in love with, is nonsense! Emotions come and go. That emotion of "fallen in love" does not last in a marriage. If things go right, it changes to deeper kind of love that is not so dependent on emotions.

If things do not go right, so that 1 or both spouses feel that they no longer "love" the other person, that has happened for a reason and can be turned around so that those loving feelings are restored. A good marriage counselor might be needed to help with this.

Answer 2

Actually, the legal process in filing a separation, is no different than a divorce process, both can be equally straining. When you take into consideration, the legal fees involved, it just doesn't make sense to file for a separation, unless of course, there is the possibility of a reconciliation, a strong chance.Believe it or not, Judges really don't care about " adultery" as much as they used to. But, otherwise, it is best to go ahead with a divorce. Your sister's hubby can be unwilling, which will make the process longer and more financially straining but, he cannot stop the process. This situation is a difficult one but, if it's over, it's over. Your sister should prepare herself for an emotional roller coaster ride. She needs to keep any documents or pertinent information that will help her case. From what I can recall, this has been a strained relationship for awhile and, it's time to make a decision, one way or the other. Probably not the answer that you were searching for but, I can say from experience that, either do it or not. Sorry. Ruth

Answer 3

As a man thinks, so is he. Men know far before women the responsibilities and the realizations of what a marriage holds. There is a reason why most women wait for the man to come over before there is an engagement. It is his power to overcome any strife and indifference that can exist between each person's character.

Understand, most relationships fail if she initiates the actions that begins or sustains what will move the events forward. More important, that as men, we take the responsibility with supporting her and finishing whatever work is to be done.

A woman's intuition is forthright her understanding of what is around her. But the fundamental flaw is that it is often overwhelmed by its conflicting emotions. (why women get bad men) So it is my statement that you as a man continue to fight for her as if it is your very own soul. If you do not, you could lose out on something great.

Can a man lose his arms and grow another set. Neither should he divorce his wife. Instead, he needs to find out how this was allowed to happen and gain his confidence back. If their is no confidence, there will be no effective initiation.

Answer 4

He may still love her and want to keep her, that's kinda sad. The thing is, if she is going to see this other guy she should separate from him and get her own place. 1, she should not be going out with some other guy and rubbing it in his face, which she will be doing if she stays there and goes out to meet him. 2, her husband will become more and more jealous as she continues to see this guy, the more she sees him the madder he will get and more upset. That could cause a whole lot of serious problems. If she is going to see this new guy and get a divorce, she needs to get away from her husband and live some place else until the divorce is final. This will also allow her to get to know this other guy better and more freely. She may see that he is not as great as he acts. Regardless of what and how she does it it will be a big mess. So I say get away from him, for his sake and her own. That way she can see this new guy sort of freely at will and not push her husbands face in the fact she is sleeping with and seeing another guy. =)

Answer 5

I think she just needs to leave if she has fallen out of love for her husband. If she had the nerve to cheat then there must have been a good reason. I would tell your sister that she needs to move on and file for divorce. Even if he contests it the courts can rule that the marriage is over and that the she is released from it. Though if he is willing to forgive her because he truly loves your sister then maybe she should rethink her life.

Personally though why stay in a emotionally empty marriage
if you have found love elsewhere.

Answer 6

It just shows that he wants to be with her and will leave her affair in the past if she decides to stay. Of course she feels she is in love with the man she is having an affair with, but is she really? Time will only tell then.

You say he is refusing to let her go. No one can do that; either she stays or leaves and he has no control over that part of it. I'd rather she try to make it work with her husband, but only she can decide that. Things look different when that lover isn't in the picture.

Answer 7

Well, in some cases it is better. He can't force her to stay and if she wants to leave is her choice. A marriage is about love and if she no longer loves her husband as strongly, but is in love with someone else, she should marry the other guy. If her husband loves her, he would only want to see her happy, even if it's with another guy. Good luck to your sister : )

Answer 8

I found out my wife had affairs with at least 7 men...but, my love for her was and is so strong that I couldnt let her go....its a horrible situation and each individual has to make up their own minds as to their actions........good luck

Answer 9

I never like to tell me to separate, however, an element of distrust has already been built up and the marriage is probably unworkable. The husband,understandably, wants to take revenge and he is using his marital power to give her a hard time to obtain a divorce.
If children are involved then it complicates matters.

Answer 10

I think it's better to get a divorce before getting into another relationship or even thinking about gettting into one.