When I suspected my husband of possibly cheating with an ex-girlfriend, I told him if I ever caught him coming out of her house, that I would be packing his bags and bringing them over her house. So on several occassions, he has brought up that if I ever put him out, that he wasn't coming back. The nerve of him for trying to make me feel guilty for him cheating and lying. Was he using reverse psychology, to make me accept this bullcrap..Who cares if he doesn't come back I put him out anyway. :)
2007-11-01 06:19:21 · 16 answers · asked by stella 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some people do not react well to ultimatums and he is basically throwing one back at you. I am so very stubborn that if my husband said he would never come back in the scenario you described, I would indicate not to let the doorknob hit him on the butt on his way out. However if he is cheating on you, you need to resolve that issue as it creates a toxic relationship that just manages to get worse and worse.
2007-11-01 06:25:39 · answer #1 · answered by Don Drapers woman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really wouldn't give much weight to his words especially considering if he were in fact cheating. Like you said, you put him out so who cares if he returns or not. I don't really think he was trying to make you feel guilty or use reverse psychology, but rather making a point that once its over, its over even if you are wrong so the best advice is to make sure BEFORE you pack his bags your theories are correct and putting him out is the action you want to take.
2007-11-02 01:48:44 · answer #2 · answered by mvngs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a power struggle and he's firing back. Like 2 countries with nuclear missles they keep stepping up the threats until one backs down or they both blow each other up.
Realistically, you had a valid concern but do you think you handled it in a way that was going to get a cooperative response from your husband?
Was he supposed to grovel and beg forgiveness or say "yes dear" while looking at the floor?
How do you think you could have handled this in a way that would have gotten your concern and hurt addressed and defused the situation rather than creating a "cold war"?
It's obviously a sore spot for both of you, you need to sit down quietly, hold hands and talk about the issue. Or you can sit and threaten each other until you both feel only resentment.
2007-11-01 06:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assume for a moment that he is innocent. How should he feel after being accused of something he hasn't done AND threatened with consequences? It seems quite fair for him to respond with a threat also.
If your husband does not cheat on you, the reason should not be because of consequences. It should be because he loves you and does not want to cheat on you. If you have to use threats and scare tactics to keep him faithful, you have already lost.
Instead of thinking about what bad things may or may not happen and how you would react to them, try focusing on what good things can happen and how you will react to those things. This is a much more positive and productive outlook on life. It will make you happier and probably motivate your husband to respect you more.
2007-11-01 06:31:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stella..you said ...suspecting ... did you really mean caught???? or just that you were worried he was cheating on you with his former girl friend? Did the two of you betray the old girlfriend??
Think about what I am asking here ok? Did he actually cheat and you caught him doing this and then put him out?? or were you worried he was cheating on you and you actually did put him out because of your worries?
Think about what I am asking. There is a huge difference between the questions.
Your question is not a clear cut one.
2007-11-01 06:29:17 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa of America 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the word that you need to keep in mind is 'POSSIBLY'
Do you know he is? or do you think he is?
Imaging if the roles were reversed.. And let's say you had a perfectly reasonable explanation for the behaviour that let him to think you were cheating...
But he just kept threatening to throw you out anyway..
So in the hope of shutting him up and starting to rebuild your shattered relationship, you call his bluff and say 'Good, if you do that, I'd go'
Doesn't sound quite so reasonable now though does it?
Not that it matters, you've already made up your mind..
In your head.. Person with p***s = Cheater
Good luck in your next relationship
2007-11-01 06:30:33 · answer #6 · answered by Lowlevel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know if it is reverse psychology. It sounds like he is just "swingin his d*&* around". Trying to sound tough. You tossed out a threat ( to pack his bags) and so he tossed one back at you ( to not come back). Next time ask him " is that a promise?"
2007-11-01 08:20:52 · answer #7 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were honest when you told him the would be the end of your marriage if you caught him cheating stay with it. Who cares is he would not come back. If he is a cheater who wants him anyways.
2007-11-01 06:26:27 · answer #8 · answered by Queenie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL What a guy. Well at least now you know that he cant move ahead in life but will always going backwards! Good Job so be it then :) Trying to make you feel bad dudes got issues!!!
2007-11-05 05:19:54 · answer #9 · answered by Something_Else 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that if either of you were in the 'actual' situation of him cheating, things would be different. It would be harder than you think to completely let go of him and he would probably be begging to come back. Things are never as we expect and when something actually happens our actions may surprise us sometimes.
2007-11-01 06:27:06 · answer #10 · answered by Gretta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋