He left me. He didn't want to try and talk and work it out, he just started packing his things and left. And in the time that has passed I have picked back up on the goals that I dropped for him. Like finishing school, and trying to make friends without worry of being accused of cheating on him. I am no longer afraid of being made to feel stupid about not knowing about drugs and violence and I don't feel like I have to keep my silence to make anyone happy. I can talk about church to people now, I can talk about the things that go on in my schooling. I do feel bad. I put my all in to him, I was in it for life. I gave up everything he wanted me to so he could be happy and he still was never really happy, he always wanted everything seperate, I still love him, but I know I can't ever lose myself like that again. I have so many people supporting me in this telling me that I should not have been the only one trying to make the relationship work. Without them I know I would be out of sorts.
2007-11-01 06:01:50 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is it very wrong of me to just want to get on with my life? To feel like I have so much to look forward to now? I am only 21, so I am hoping to be around for quite a while.
2007-11-01 06:03:28 · update #1
Hi hon...
Taking care of YOU, married or single, is your number ONE priority...
Secondly, you really need to realize that you can't "make someone else happy"... happiness comes from the inside of an individual, not from others, not from a spouse, or a parent...so giving everything up to "make him happy" didn't work, because you can NEVER make him happy. If he is miserable, it's because of him, NOT you.
So, giving up your friends, school and the things you liked doing, giving up your goals and aspirations was a really bad idea... when you are married, you are still an individual. You have the right to friendships and to mold your own future.
A husband or wife can be a supportive factor in our goals and plans... and should be supportive, NOT controlling.
Yes sometimes we have to compromise; however, making a mutual agreement about whether to go to school, etc., is better than someone telling you what to do, and how to do it.
Your marriage was all about control -- him controlling you.
I'm glad you are out, and if it were me, i would have no regrets, either..... take care of YOU... no one else will. hugs
2007-11-01 06:12:14 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one thing, its natural for a girl to fill out divorce papers. It's just human nature. And for another, you still love this person even if you think that you don't. You should try to make a new aproach to tell him that you want to talk about the divorce. It is not wrong to feel horrible about this topic. Trust me! You can get through your life without him. You can do so much better than him.
2007-11-01 06:14:04 · answer #2 · answered by Natalie Hitchcox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Right now, though, you're probably just pretty much running on adrenaline. Trust me, you will have your weak moments, moments when you feel lonely, when you feel like maybe you want him back. DON'T GIVE IN TO IT! Remember the reasons why it didn't work out in the first place, and hang on to that as your fuel to get through those weak/lonely times. Sounds like you're doing great and that you're well aware how much better off you are without him, so just keep that in mind! Best of luck!!!
2007-11-01 06:09:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 22, and I got married at 17. I havnt started my divorce yet. Waiting till I can afford it but I don't feel bad about it and im looking forward to it. I was in the same situation with my husband. I gave up on school and friends because he hated people around. Now I have friends, I have a great new boyfriend, and I feel good about life and I'm glad you dont feel bad.
2007-11-01 06:06:34 · answer #4 · answered by Viola H 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
21 and a mature attitude like this? wow, he's a fool for leaving you in the first place. I'm honestly happy to hear that you have such a good attitude about this, some people just sink into misery and you are seeing the great things you can do with your life now, congrats on that! you will definitley meet the right guy one day, your 21! you have plenty of time and plenty of goals to acheive it sounds like too. Good for you! stay strong
2007-11-01 06:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by Jersey Style 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not at all. Sounds like you were in an abusive, one-sided relationship, and you have moved on. It was a major blessing he left you, but I'm more happy to hear you are resuming your life in a productive, healthy way. Good for you!
Keep yourself surrounded by the friends and family that are so obviously giving you good advice.
2007-11-01 06:07:35 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle H 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong. You have made a decision to go on with your life, and obviously, you may still love him in one way, but he has hurt you enough for you to want to turn loose of him and go on with your existence.
We can't help our feelings. They can change so much because of things that happen to us, and not everyone will wring their hands and cry and moan when a love is lost. We all handle things differently.
I think you have a great attitude about it. No sense carrying on, that won't help anything, and you must have enough sense to know that if he doesn't love you, you can't make him love you.
Cudos to you for being brave enough to move on. Now, don't EVER let ANYONE stand in the way of your dreams again. There are plenty of guys out there who will love you for who & what you are, and won't mind if you have dreams & plans of your own to pursue.
Best of luck to you!
2007-11-01 06:31:06 · answer #7 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer should be obvious. Here's a question for you. How can feeling good about yourself be bad?
What I see in you is someone who has re-found herself and is back on the right track. Only you are your physical and emotional well being.
Hooray for you. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself, your strong will of character has awaken and you are well on your way to a much better life.
You should thank him (;>) Good luck to you!
2007-11-01 06:17:26 · answer #8 · answered by Robere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All it means is that you have released your emotional baggage and moved on. That doesn't mean that once in a while you won't feel a sense of loss, but you'll work through it. You sound like you have what it takes to overcome. Have a happy and fulfilling life!
2007-11-01 06:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by Beckers 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's NOT wrong of you. It merely means you are moving on with your life, and this is as it should be. It doesn't sound as if he was in the relationship for the right reasons. He wasn't in it to be a life partner. You are now free to be yourself. To live your life as YOU want it to be. Do so, and don't look back. Rely on your family and your friends, and most importantly rely on yourself.
2007-11-01 06:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by kj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋