married 7 yrs
3 kids 2 are 5 or under
wife has a cleaning women 1 time a week.
She does not work by her choosing
2 kids are in school till 2:30 pm each day.
She has money to spend.
She claims she is to tired for sex all the time.
advice please!!!!!!!
2007-11-01 05:52:29 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She cooks only 1 time a week so I order in all the time. I do lots of other nice things but after a couple of times she expectes it and its not special any more. I order in dinner she says to me you want a medal or a monument to me.
2007-11-02 02:08:04 · update #1
Cut off her spending. Pure and simple. You need to step up and take what is yours. You pay for her lifestyle she needs to return the favor. It sounds crass but marriage is a two way street, You need to tell her your feelings on the subject, If she loves you then she will be willing to help you out. If she isn't then it might be time to think about leaving or doing something different. No sex leads to no love, and no love leads to lots of anger and resentment. I might also keep a closer eye on her after all woman want sex as much if not more then men, make sure she is not getting it somewere else, if you were always to tired for sex that is what she would think
2007-11-01 05:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by david h 3 · 3⤊ 5⤋
Ask yourself this question do you do any house chores to help out?
Do you make dinner once in awhile to give her a break?
Do you fold laundry or clean up after the kids?
Do you buy her flowers or take her out to dinner just the two of you for a special couple time?.
If you do not do any of these things then why should you expect anything from her.
Yes you work but trust me raising three kids and running a household is the hardest job in the world. Remember just because the kids are in school doesn't mean she is sitting on her butt do nothing.
If you do not agree I tell you this take a day off work and do all the things your wife does in a day and see how much energy you have left over.
Really though once every couple of weeks would be a good estimation with three kids.
Stop worrying about sex and help raise the kids as a good parent would be more concerned with. Remember if the communication is not there your wife will not feel like having sex or anything else for that matter.
It sounds to me like your wife is drained time for her to have a break send her on a nice spa retreat or something just for her you take care of the kids and the house minimum 2 days.
2007-11-01 06:26:38 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, I'd ask you what she has going on in her life that makes her feel sexy. And you have to understand that the same things usually do not work for women that work for men. Women are emotional creatures. If women don't feel attractive and sexy, it's kind of hard to get in the mood sometimes. Especially if you've been together a while and there are kids involved. Having money to spend really doesn't have a lot to do with it. There's nothing sexy about the role of being a mommy and a housewife.
She needs to be coaxed back into the role of being your wife. If you can, arrange to send the kids to Grandma for a weekend. The week before help make sure the house is in order so she'll have nothing that she feels HAS to be done while they're gone. Pitch in and help with the kids, bathing, reading, putting to bed. Then run her a bubble bath with candles and tell her you believe she deserves it for the great job she does with the kids and home. Are there times when she looks more beautiful to you than others? Let her know, and don't make all of this about sex. Make it about the feelings you still have for her, the connection between the two of you. If you think you know her well enough, try to pick out some night clothes that both of you feel is sexy, but is still decent enough to wear in front of the kids. Do these types of things over time to let her know in a positive way that you still desire her and you aren't just willing to let that part of your lives go. Actions speak a lot louder than words, but the words are nice to hear also, when you have every reason to believe them.
When she is less stressed and able to slip out of the other roles and is confident that you still find her beautiful and that your desire for her is still strong, you might be surprised at the difference you can make for her.
2007-11-01 06:50:45 · answer #3 · answered by bonnieboobabe 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Despite all the extras she is probably still tired, children take a physical and mental toll that is vastly underestimated.
There is also the drawback that after having children many women switch in "mommy" mode and lose a lot of their desire. On top of which, after having children a lot of women don't feel sexy due to weight gain, stretch marks etc.
So plan a romantic evening, it does not have to be expensive, cater to her feminine side a bit, and see what happens. Understand this about firing the spark not buying it.
If that doesn't work, you need to sit down with her, preferably somewhere away from the kids and interuptions, and ask her what the problem is and how the two of you can work out the issues. There is no substitute for communication within a marriage.
2007-11-01 06:03:25 · answer #4 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably IS tired. However, she shouldn't be ALL the time. Try a "Date Night" !!! Get a sitter, go out to dinner (not the movies, you can't really "romance" at the movies) have a romantic evening with your wife, tell her how much you love her, etc.... and hopefully, you will Both be in the mood.
Also...she may have lost her "libido " (sex drive) and maybe she thinks telling you she is tired is easier for her , than taking a chance you will take her low-sex drive as a slam towards you. Lots of women loose their sex drive after the 2nd child. Not sure why??!!! But not all hope is lost !!! If You are willing to take the time (as in longer periods of foreplay) then I think you will enjoy alot more sex filled nights. Good Luck!!
2007-11-01 06:13:11 · answer #5 · answered by casper 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she probably is too tired... it takes a lot of work keeping up a house and chasing three kids around.. unless she just lays around and eats ho-ho's all day.
maybe you could try some romance? set up a date night once in a while, take more of an interest in HER and what she's been doing while you are at work.. discuss her day... bring home something she likes -- candy? flowers? take out? whatever she likes....
try playing cards together so you will have some interactive time. maybe get together with friends for cards or some other activity? do things together! go for a walk, take the kids to the park or beach together... plan a family outing.
the same, old, dull routine every day, week after week, month after month is a set up for boredom, and even depression.
i don't know what else to say.
2007-11-01 06:01:27 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you were home before 2:30 I'd place fair bets you would get more sex but once the kids get home life is going at top speed. I have no doubt that she is tired when you finally approach her for sex. I think with your situation once or twice a week is the max you could expect. Probably on the weekends.
2007-11-01 05:58:11 · answer #7 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How does the number of kids, amount of household responsibilities, or financial state make a difference with your physical desire for sexual pleasure? If anything, there is always a reason to have more sex. Too much stress calls for the need to release tension. Sex is perfect for that. Overcoming difficulty and achieving perfect stability and financial success calls for celebration. Again sex is perfect for that. There is always a reason to have more and more sex.
If she's too tired for it, that is an excuse -not a valid reason. Perhaps she may be too tired to exert herself physically, especially for an extended amount of time. But the enjoyment resulting from orgasms actually benefits the body. If she were to relax and allow herself to enjoy sex more often, she may find that she has more energy. Having a good orgasm can help her relax, so her rest will be more productive. She could have a better day tomorrow and not feel so tired tomorrow night. It's a win/win.
She's avoiding sex for other reasons and using tiredness as an excuse. Find out what's really going on.
2007-11-01 06:13:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps she doesn't want to have sex with you because she doesn't feel loved or appreciated? Married women's desire for sex is directly related to how much they feel that their husband is there for them.
And even though the kids are in school until 2:30, she still has to be emotionally there for her children. She has to put them first in everything. That is straining!
If you want to have sex, show your wife how much you love and appreciate her, not just for sex. Get a babysitter and take her out and TALK TO HER. Whatever happens after that is a true expression of how she feels, not what she feels she owes you.
2007-11-01 06:09:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
she doesnt work then what the hell she should not be too tired unless you always ask her after the kids are down for the night ask her when they are out or at school and you should get more i think 3 times a week is a fair number but who knows and do what i do tell her sex starts in 5 minutes whethter or not shes there should get her curiosity going lol
2007-11-01 06:05:33 · answer #10 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Romance her. You might have to try this for at least 4 days. Try giving her a flower and kiss one day. Let her tell you how her day went. Try not to talk about sex and try not to touch her sexually for 4 days just hugs and kisses. Make sure you help with the kids when you get home. If all that does not work ask her how can you help her have a better sexual experience because she might think of having sex as a waste of time because she does not get nothing out of it.
2007-11-01 06:04:39 · answer #11 · answered by Grimey 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋