I am married and have been with my husband 10 years. I have a friend who is 13 years older than myself who gets me and loves me for me. We are in love with each other but due to my love for my husband keep our relationship with certain boundrys. Should I leave my husband for this man? He has been married and divorced, 3 times. Not such a good record, but I know we are the ones for each other. He is a soldier and not many women can deal with military life, hence the divorces.
2007-11-01 05:44:30 · 18 answers · asked by monkey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good luck
2007-11-01 05:53:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You wrote, that you are not sure.
You said, "married but possibly in love ---".
You had a stable marriage for 10 years except for this soldier getting you now and then, who has no track record. Divorced 3 time.
Now think about the saying "bird in hand is batter then two in the bush".
So you have one in the hand and actually non in the bush, or some thing in the bush.
Forget about the soldier or so call friend, you said, "but due to my love for my husband keep our relationship with certain boundrys---" so keep the status co, or even increase the distance between you and this soldier.
Again by your admission, " not many women can deal with military life,---". Think about it.
But can you deal with military life and live with the guilt and without love of your husband and away from the present love who is also your husband.
2007-11-01 17:28:29 · answer #2 · answered by minootoo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Repeat after me, I am a fool.
Get your head back in your marriage and fix that first. Step one, get this guy out of your life.
Of course he gets you, he is very good at "getting" women. Its the keeping them he has trouble with.
3 divorces and he is the one for you?
Repeat again, I am a fool to be swayed by this guy.
My question is, has your husband done something deserve your wandering mind? Is he abusive? Does he yell at you? Does he gamble or drink away the mortgage? Does he chase other women?
If all of those questions are answered NO, what the hell are you doing?
Perhaps you should take a hard look at your attitude here.
From here you are looking like a woman who has no clue what real love is. You are also starting to appear like an ungrateful woman who would rather run away from her married commitment than do the work to make it better.
You are seriously close to becoming a caricature of the silly, lost woman who is swayed from her marriage by smooth talking only to end up dumped and alone with no real love available. This sadness you are about to bring into your life
is totally unnecessary and more than a little stupid. There is nothing in your question which indicates a reason for leaving your husband other than your own gulability.
Cut it out. This is more than a little unseemly.
He loves you for you. Yeah right.
How long after he gets you as you will he want your cheating heart around?
2007-11-01 12:56:45 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are being so unfair to your husband. He should know the truth. Tell him go for the other guy but the grass always seems greener on the other side once you live with this man you will soon find out why he has been married and divorced 3 times. Good luck
2007-11-01 12:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You want to leave your husband of 13 years for a man who has been divorced three times? I wouldn't do it. Once the novelty wears off, you'll be ex-wife number four.
I would try to find out what is lacking in your marriage that is making you look elsewhere. If you don't love your hubby then leave him, but it would be a big mistake to marry this other man.
2007-11-01 12:53:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
The love for your husband would not allow you to start loving another...I think you are just in lust there is a difference....Do you want to find out the real reason why he has had 3 marriages? You should do everything you can to cut the relationship and see in your husband what attracted you to him in the first place
2007-11-01 13:08:30 · answer #6 · answered by only1sol2000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow - I can't believe how many people take their marriage vows so lightly - Friends should remain friends and husbands should remain husbands.
But I agree with first answer -sounds like you already know what you want to do.
But I will caution you - like I did another writer yesterday
The grass is not always greener on the other side.
2007-11-01 12:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by wild_orchid_tx36 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you have to put possibly in your question you are unsure of your feelings. First off does your husband know of this other man and if so WTF. I think you need to end this friendship immediately it is destroying the marriage you have had for over 10yrs. If you love your husband then that is the only logical thing to do. If you do not love your husband then the best thing to do is end it before you start anything with this other guy. Hopefully you still have enough care/respect to do this for your husband. Really though marriage is suppose to be until death do us part do you not cherish the vows you made in front of family, friends, and God, AND OF COURSE ABOVE ALL YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!.
I'M SORRY TO SAY BUT YOU ARE BEING SAD AND PATHETIC PLEASE GROW UP.
2007-11-01 12:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Life's about being happy, but also keeping your beloved ones happy. If you love your husband and he loves you, is always there for you and you guys don't have problems than you shouldn't leave him. Bcoz u know what you have, but you don't know what you'll get.
I personally don't think he's had the divorces for the reason you mention, there must be sth with him, remember you'll be the 4th one, which means he's not good in keeping ralations...
2007-11-01 12:57:50 · answer #9 · answered by loveheart 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He gets you and loves you for you because you have a husband. Forbidden love is what has you wearing rose colored glasses. If you weren't spending so much time with your soldier your husband might "get you" too. No I don't think you should leave your husband for that man. But if you no longer love your husband then you should leave him.
2007-11-01 13:00:15 · answer #10 · answered by shellshell 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He seems to be quite the convincer of women, eh??? . His record is dismal for a reason. And it is not because of military life, girl. Plenty of people in the military remain married honorably for a lifetime. He isnt that great if he is trying to "get" you and he knows you are married and may be tring to convince you to come to him so his own craving of conquer and divide is fulfilled. That means he does not respect your marriage or your husband ... and his track record proves he didnt respect himself or his marriages.
Lots of men like to conquer and then run. You would be number four ( 4 ) ( THAT YOU ACTUALL KNOW OF , there could be more ) , girl. And probably just because you are alot younger and inexperienced. Is that what you really want?
Hopefully you will look in the mirror and say to yourself.. I am being unrealistic here.. my track record is HONORABLE and I can learn to make the LIFE i AGREED to HONORABLY better than it is now by respecting my husband and NOT backstabbing him and my marriage and my children ( if any ) and finding ways to spice up the life i agreed to instead of looking for ways to dishonor the man I repeatedly tell to his face every day that I love him. DO NOT be like the guy trying to convince you it is all your own idea to betray your husband. For all you know this guy could have four other young women ( perhaps many many more ) hanging on like you...convincing them each they are special.
Let him go and I mean totally. RUN AWAY!!!! It is not about OTHER women having problems because he is in the military. He is just very convincing to you apparently that it is the womens fault and weakness he isnt married to them anymore. ( you will be next in line for the blame of his failed marriages just as he implied all those other women he married were too weak to stand up to military life )
Look up the key word sociopath. and then think carefully over ALL the time you have know this guy. Manipulators are very good at their carft after alot of practice..which this guy seems to have had )
Love your husband instead, girl. Much better man. MUCH better. I love you for yourself too, girl.. but I would never at all in anyway insert myself into your marriage and subtley convince you to betray your husband and convince you I am a great guy in all ways and that all my failed marriages were caused by military life and other women who were too weak to take the strain. Grow up, baby girl. LOVE your husband.
2007-11-01 13:07:40 · answer #11 · answered by Lisa of America 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋