2 mths married , not broke but we argue about money
2007-11-01 05:38:31 · 37 answers · asked by bleueyze2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
4 months married and lack of money has DESTROYED our lives (without exaggeration) I work full time and he will not work, I give this marriage another 3 to 4 months tops! money truley is the root of all evil
2007-11-01 05:41:34 · answer #1 · answered by Jersey Style 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Don't know why, but it's not really important. Unless you - literally - have so much money that it doesn't matter who spends what, and how much, and what it's for ... you're going to fight about it. It's a fact, and you can't change it. The REAL question is: "How do I deal with it?"
THE biggest thing you can do to reduce the friction is communication. You have to get together, plan, and make a realistic budget. You're not always going to agree on priorities, but if everything is out in the open, things will go a lot smoother.
Every couple is different, but my wife and I have a system that we've been following for about 2 years, and we have not had ONE SINGLE fight about money ever since. The key: each of us has our OWN money.
Every month, our checks get deposited into a joint account, out of which we pay all the household bills: mortgage, utilities, cell phones, student loans, etc. We transfer some money into savings (a savings account for short-term stuff like vacations, and IRA's for retirement), and keep enough back for miscellaneous expenses (groceries, going out to eat, gasoline, oil changes, etc.). Then we each get an "allowance" (the exact same amount for both, naturally).
The allowance money can be used for whatever we want, and (here's the important part) without being accountable. If I want to go hoist beers with the guys or buy a new fishing rod, that's fine. If she wants to go out and buy her 14th pair of black shoes, I can't say a word.
That particular system won't work for everybody, but the underlying theories are sound: (1) communicate, communicate, communicate (and plan and budget); and (2) give yourself "your" money (even if it's only like $50 a month).
2007-11-01 06:01:47 · answer #2 · answered by Humberto 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people are irresponsible w/ money . When you have enough and don't spend it wisely ...like to enhance the good times makeing memories,, money can be a serious issue . One partner sees it as you r not takeing care of us . The other thinks new toys are more important. It can be a security breaker ... you don't need money to be happy but you need it to be comfortable and if you feel like it is a never ending task to make it and NOT enjoy it b/c the spending habits of a compulsive person then it becomes a serious issue. We all have our needs but in no way could a married couple get along if they do not understand what the others needs are. Communication and a tight budjet allowing a savings is a must ... Retirement years will be brighter and so will the working years ....if they make it!!!!
2007-11-01 06:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by lilly l 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We don't, we fight about sex. But I guess what is the weak point in your marriage "chain" will strain the most to hold you together.
Sex, money, trust, friendship, spending couple time together, communicating with each other (listening, temper, not wanting to talk about issues all fit in here), and sharing in marriage/household responsibilities.
Look through the questions of marriages that are in distress and I think you'll see that just about every one is strained by one of these links - whatever is the weakest. For us we were both good income earners before kids and I am even more so with kids so we don't fight about money because we make ends meet comfortably.
It's kind of funny because I can always get more money by doing extra work so it's a non-issue for us, but I can't exactly go out and get a mistress on the side for our intimacy issues.
2007-11-01 06:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think part of it is that you both probably want to do things together that cost money, and you probably want to treat each other to the best things. I think another reason is that sometimes you grow up with different ideals, and different ways to manage money and you probably don't always agree on how to pay bills, or what should be paid first. The best way to get passed this is to talk about money together, discuss what is most important to both of you...whether that be putting some savings away or paying a certain bill. Also discover something that you both want to obtain, whether it be a trip or something else...that way if you guys are both working towards something you both want then you have a better chance of agreeing on money issues, if you're both striving for the same thing.
2007-11-01 05:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by hasgr8boyz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because most people don’t realize what is cost in a marriage. So when they get married and they can’t afford the things they could before, that causes a problem. Then kids come into play, and you need new cloths, and your feeding more. And all this is just for the necessities, not the go out and do fun things extras.
I don’t think money is evil, it’s most people don’t know how to manage money. I know I didn’t when I got married.
2007-11-01 05:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by kib_edward 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not money in general but the fear of not having enough money that causes problems in the marriage. Try to have a conversation and put money issues into perspective. It should not be the most important thing in your marriage. Love, trust and joy should be you major concern. Take that attitude that it's just money and tell yourself what's the worst that could happen. My husband and I have lost our house once, our family survived. You just start over. We love each other and our kids and that was all that mattered. You have your health and your whole life ahead, why put so much emphasis on money.
2007-11-01 05:48:21 · answer #7 · answered by Queenie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, but I think it's terrible.
I like to think of the movie Fun With Dick and Jane (the Jim Carey movie). He lost his job and was unable to find work. Their bills and debt kept piling up. It went to the extreme that even their grass was repossessed. But what happened? They stuck together and tried to figure out what they could do to make money. They didn't start blaming each other. They trusted each other's decisions, even the crazy ones. It's a little unrealistic because they resorted to robbery. But the point is that they were willing to stick together instead of letting the struggle for money come between them and their love for each other. Because of this I think it is one of the most romantic movies I have seen in a long time.
2007-11-01 06:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wasnt married but should of been. I was with my ex fiancee for 6 yrs and have a daughter with her, even lived together for 3 yrs and most of the arguements was about money. I was more concerned having food on the table and paying rent. I understand that she wanted to be able to go do things like shop and go out for movies or dinner ro whatever but things had to get paid. That was the reason for our arguements, now were not together.
2007-11-01 05:44:52 · answer #9 · answered by Basic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is natural to fight about money. Whether people like it or not, it is a huge issue to some people. It can truly make or break a relationship when you have financial problems. It is very hard to combine 2 people and then share money and expenses and you both have different spending habits.
2007-11-01 05:44:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If money is tight right now why don't both of you go on a budget. You both have a roof over your head and your belly's are full. Why argue about money what a big waste of time. If you are struggling to get the bills to be paid then go on a budget.
2007-11-01 05:43:57 · answer #11 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋