Stay away, from the light,
This time, it will end tonight,
I hate the way i feel,
Take away the pain with steel,
Trying to hide this feeling,
They don't know how much I'm concealing,
My heart is broke; A new love i have lost,
The pain is unbearable, my eyes become glossed,
My tears fall hard crimson and dead,
I dare not look what lies ahead,
I feel the blood hot and thick,
I hit the floor and start to get sick,
I grip the note tight within my hand,
Please do not misunderstand,
I love you so much and i always will,
I will never forget the way you made me feel,
Keep me in you heart,
Don't remember the way we had to part,
Some day we will meet again,
But for now this is the end.
2007-11-01 05:32:54 · 3 answers · asked by Ripsi W 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
(To Heather...or also known as Nikks_Angel on YA)
I love you baby.... SOOO ******* much... if you read this you will know it was for you. Don't be sad because now its all okay. I wish i could talk to you again and tell you how much i love you. But i guess i will have to wait. Stay strong and remember all the stuff i have told you. Just becuase I'm gone..and I know u know wat I mean...it doesn't mean that u can't live without me...i geuss now ur free...just remember I loved you First...and for real...you were the one for me...I'll always love u forever and always....
2007-11-01 05:35:17 · update #1
F*** you dude, everyone has their own unique way when writing poetry...if you can't see whats going on here...then ur blind...
2007-11-01 06:36:32 · update #2
Forget what the guy above said, poetry is not something you get from a text book, it comes from your heart and soul and when i read this i can feel your pain. I hope everything gets better for you soon. A broken heart is the worst pain a person can endure. I send you my love. Good Poem. U rock!
2007-11-01 11:06:10 · answer #1 · answered by freckles579 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you really want criticism, or do you just want me to tell you what you want to hear? =)
Poetry isn't just lines of prose tacked together. Poetry is something far deeper than that and it takes a lot of practice. Everyone thinks that poetry comes naturally (and it does to some extent). Really, however, it's not something you can just do.
I understand where you're coming from with this piece, but at the same time, you really should study with some poetry books. You really need a bit more direction with your writing, you need to proofread your work for grammar/usage and spelling mistakes and evaluate whether or not the piece is really structured appropriately. The last thing I want to see when I'm reading someone's work is a grammar or usage mistake. I also don't like to see incorrect rhyming patterns. If you don't know how to rhyme correctly, don't rhyme. Despite how it might seem, "lost" and "glossed" do not actually rhyme (and neither do "will" and "feel" or "again" and "end"). Commas aren't going out of style (there's no need to over-use them or use them incorrectly).
I really would suggest spending some time with poetry books. If you're really interested in poetry (rather than it being the "emotional thing to do"), then you'll really get a great deal of help from some further education. =)
Good luck.
2007-11-01 06:00:35 · answer #2 · answered by twentyseven 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you tend to write on the dark side but your heart is maybe going to heal which it will i mean you do have a knack for this and maybe you could try and get some published. i myself read stephen king and i like your poems i am not much of a readers unless it really gets my attention good luck with that. take care.
2007-11-01 14:45:36 · answer #3 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋