PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Read To The End And Tell Me What You Think! I Dont Know What To Do!

Question

Ive had a LOT of problems with pregnancy's.
This is my 5th pregnancy total.
3 miscarriages (10, 12, and 16 weeks)
1 abortion 10 weeks (medical reasons)
Now 38 weeks along with my little boy (the doctor said I couldn't have kids any more but here I am!)
Me and my husband are over the moon about finally having a baby.

Now however the doctor is talking to me about sterilization. I'm such a high risk for complications, she thinks it would be best to prevent any further pregnancy's.
I 100% agreed with this UNTIL I talked to my husband about it. He thinks I should go with a IUD (the chemical one that lasts 5 years) I asked him why and he said "You never know how we are going to feel in a few years."
The problem is I have had a lot of problems with chemical based birth control's. (the pill, patch, nova ring, shot, ect) And a history of cancer in the family makes the non chemical IUD dangerous also...

I think he wants more kids later, and I would love that! I just don't think its possible...

It took me forever to carry one child to term. I just don't know if its worth the risk. I don't want to get our hopes up for another baby but I don't want to just give up...

I'm only 23 years old, so I'm not to old to continue to try to have more kids... my husband and I got married 7 years ago so our relationship is stable... Its just my body isn't built for having children.

I would consider adoption as a option, but me and my husband don't make enough money to qualify for adoption. We make plenty of money to support a child but adoption agency's ask for a LOT more than is needed...

Yes my husband went through losing all these baby's with me, and he was VERY supportive.
I swear I married an angel.

I know he doesn't want to put me through this again, but he knows how much I want another baby with him. I think he just doesn't want me to give up yet

I just don't know if I can handle the disappointment if I try and fail

I don't want to ever have to go through a miscarriage again...

Answer 1

listen to your husband and see how you feel 5 years from now. you are young and may want more babies

Answer 2

Wow - I am so sorry you've gone through all of this - congratulations on this baby though! What a miracle!

Here is what I would do (because I have had 1 M/C and then went on to have 4 babies!) - because you are so young and you don't know how having this baby could change your fertility, I wouldn't opt for sterilization. Especially if you're even considering having more children. You can't take that back once it's done. It would be more likely that the result of sterilization would be permanant. You wouldn't be able to change your mind later and that would be awful. You have to KNOW you're comfortable with that decision and be able to make it without looking back. We chose to have a vasectomy for my husband after having 4 children and we had to carefully consider, okay, if something ever changed, would we ever want another baby? We're happy we decided to be done.
It's convenient the doctor is offering advice, but it's just that - doctors can't foresee what will happen in the future! It COULD BE that after this pregnancy your body has learned to be pregnant and you'll never have another problem. I have heard of this so many times - like women who can't conceive and after the 1st baby, they have NO PROBLEMS anymore. Or my aunt - she had 6-10 miscarriages and then had 2 children without any problems at all. I had 1 M/C and then 4 healthy babies, one every 2 yrs! I wasn't ever worried about another M/C again.
I wouldn't ever use an IUD - I don't like the whole idea of them. They have all kinds of risks and issues, in my opinion. I think there are better methods available, so I wouldn't be jumping into that decision either. I would choose a diaphram (non-chemical, you just use spermicide with it) or the Sponge or have him use condoms - or a combination, if it were me.
You and your husband need to talk about all of your options and carefully make a decision. If you can't decide right now, then don't do anything that has long term effects. I wish you the very very best! I would wait until after this baby is born to see how you feel about everything else. It might be easier.
Best wishes!

Answer 3

First let me congratulate you on your pregnancy & I truly pray & hope that this one will pull through. I truly pray that your child will born alive & well,& will grow up healthy both mentally & physically. I also pray that u too will pull thru this with no complications. This question is saved in my Yahoo Q & A & I will be checking your questions regularly for an update on you & your child's well-being.

Now, let me get 2 your question. Sometimes u cant see the forest for the trees. Lets look at the facts. Your doctor told you that u are a high risk for complications. But not only does he, a trained professional say this, but there is plain evidence that he is correct because u have had 3 miscarriages & a compulsary abortion.
Now u talk 2 your husband (What is his job again? Is he a doctor?) & he says "No, get a IUD because u never know how u will feel in a few years".
U admit that u have had a LOT of problems with chemical base birth controls. U admit that there is a history of cancer in your family & it makes non-chemical IUD's dangerous for you.
Yet in the title to your question u say that u dont know what 2 do.
Lady, there is no question as 2 what u should do. It is your life that u are playing with. Also I get the impression that u were all for the doctor's advice until your "caring & supportive" husband advised u otherwise. It is not his life that is at risk so he can say anything. My advice is to follow the doctor's advice. If u & him want more kids, adopt.
Once again I wish u all the best.

Answer 4

I understand where your husband may want you to have options later in life should you "change your mind" but really this topic of sterilization didn't come from your wants or desires from what I understood. It came from your doctors concern about your health, and if you'd do okay with getting pregnant again.

With such a BIG decision to face, I would DEFINITELY seek a second opinion. See what another doctor says about the ramifications of you getting pregnant again. IF that doctor agrees that another pregnancy would be dangerous for you I would go for the sterilization. If only to MAKE SURE that you don't get pregnant again and something bad happens to you or your baby.

You could always have your eggs stored, and find a surrogate, perhaps a family member, which may or may not be cheaper than adoption *I haven't done the research*. Or you could go the way of adoption, or fostering children, there is always a need for good supportive foster families.

Before you take any steps, seek a second *and maybe third* opinion. Get all the facts and options available to you *since you are still pretty young, and have alot of "child bearing years" ahead of you. And go from there.

Good Luck, and I'm very sorry to hear that you've had to endure so much, and now have this on your plate.

Congrats on the upcoming arrival of your little boy.

Answer 5

You and your baby will be in my prayers as you finish your current pregnancy.

I went through wondering the same thing. I was very sick with my second pregnancy and had toximia with my first 2 children. My second baby had to be taken at 32 weeks so we would survive. We made it through and you should see the amazing 6 year old she is now.

With my 3rd baby I didn't get as sick, but she was still born early and she was born sick. She was on a respirator for a week and it was torture.

My doctor asked about sterilization. We are Catholic so at first it was like, no way. But then I worried. What if I did get pregnant again and that time the toximia was worse. I would be endangering the baby's life and my own. And what would that do to the wonderful children I already have? My older two were heartbroken when the baby was in the NICU. I can't imagine what a miscarriage would do to my kids. They may not know everything, but kids know when something is wrong.

So my husband talked to our Pastor who is second to the bishop in our city. He AGREES that sterilization was the right choice. He said we had a responsibility to keep me healthy for the children we already have.

So my tubes were tied. Every time I see a pregnancy test commercial I get sad. Every time I see a pregnant belly I am sad I won't experience that again. Then I remember why I made that choice and I thank God for the pregnancies I have had. And I look at my sweeties and know they are why I did what I did.

So you have to do what is best for you. Take into account your new baby and how your decision will effect him or her. Think about the worst case scenario with both options. Talk about those scenarios with your husband. He may have other scenarios. Which worst case scenario could you live with?

Blessings to you and your family.

Answer 6

You never know what sort of medical discoveries will come along in a few years. They may come up with something that could make having a child an easier thing for you. If you are only thiry three, why can't you just use condoms or the sponge to prevent pregnancy for a few years? Unless there is reason to believe that your life would be endangered by becoming pregnant again, I don't see why you should have yourself sterilized. Right now if I were you, I would just worry about the child your carrying and try to do my best to remain healthy and peaceful. You can think/worry about the other thing later.

Answer 7

You have a beautiful baby boy about to be born, If there is a risk of you losing your life over the pregnancy, Maybe you should talk more about sterilization with your doctor and your husband there as well. I know what you mean about adoption, My husband and I had that same problems trying to adopt and were blessed with 2 children. Talk with your doctor and see if there is anything you can do that can help you carry a baby to term like you have with this one, Don't give up hope, and remember Always Get A Second Opinion!!

Answer 8

You don't give any detail about the medical condition that resulted in your miscarriages. Have you been checked for antiphospholipid syndrome? (Hughes syndrome). It is often misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all. It is a blood clotting disorder which can result in multiple miscarriages or early live births.

After five pregnancies at your young age I would definitely give your body time to rest and recover for a year or two before trying to get pregnant again. You need to take care of YOU before you make any extra demands on your body like carrying another baby.

I'm so glad you have a supportive man - they are the best, aren't they? How about using a barrier method like condoms or the diaphragm? That avoids the problems with chemical based birth control methods. If your husband complains of reduced pleasure, then you might just have to be a bit more imaginative in your lovemaking! Good luck

Answer 9

if you're not 100% sure about having a sterilization then by no means go through with it!! wait a while longer before you make a decision!
i think the important thing is at the moment to enjoy the last couple of weeks of pregnancy and the birth of your child, don't ruin what you have worked so hard for by worrying about the future and future pregnancies! im sure all the pain you have suffered will be worth it when you get to hold your little one in your arms, and you may in the time feel strong enough to try for another! for now use condoms if you have trouble using other contraception, but honestly just relax and spend time with your newborn, dont worry about anything else for now! good luck, and congratulations xxxxxxx

oh and by the way, iv had a difficult time with pregnancies, i had twin girls die a couple of weeks after birth and have been very ill in this one, i am now 28 weeks pregnant with a boy! i know how mentally and physically difficult pregnancy can be, i think you are a very brave person and your son/daughter is very lucky! xx

Answer 10

You have to make that decision your self but I kinda agree with your husband, since you are only 23 with as many medical breakthroughs that we have had in the past ten years just think about what we will have in the next ten years. At that point you will only be 33 and still in an age range to have children. I won't say I understand about how you feel about your miscarriages because they effect us all differently, I had one at six and a half weeks and I couldn't imagine having more than one. My thoughts are with you. But to give you an opinion I would take your husbands advice about the IUD, you just never know where you might be in the next five to ten years medically and by then you might be able to carry to full term without complications.

Good luck this is a very difficult decision to make and you should take as much time as possible deciding.

Answer 11

I would go with the IUD for now. Just by reading your letter, I can tell you're not ready to do something permanent and would most definitely regret it with a lot of "what ifs" later on.

Doctors can be wrong....after this baby, get a 2nd opinion. You don't want to go through another pregnancy if it is going to affect your health. But if you get sterilized now, and then 5 or 6 years down the road you find out they have all new breakthroughs to help you have a healthy pregnancy, you are going to be very upset.

You can have the IUD now and then get sterilized later if that's what you decide (AFTER all your hormones are back in balance).

Good luck and God bless!