Why do so many people disagree with the fact that my boyfriend and I want to have a baby but we don't want to get married. We have been together for five years as of 10/23/07 and we both agree on this. We love each other and agree that we will be together just like we were married, we just don't want to be married. Why is it so important to everyone else? I can still give my baby the last name of his father.
2007-11-01 04:50:12 · 21 answers · asked by Grants a tractor luvr! 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way I'm 26 and he is 27.
2007-11-01 04:54:19 · update #1
Just because people don't understand or agree with things does not make it wrong....getting married and having kids is considered the normal progression of life, that does not necessarily mean that you have to follow the pact....you do what you feel is right.
2007-11-01 04:56:24 · answer #1 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Why are you so hung up on what anyone else thinks? The only people that know what is the best for your relationship is you and your significant other. Having a child, in my opinion is the ultimate expression of love that you and you b/f can give to the other, and is a lifetime commitment, greater than that of marriage. Children do ask questions, just be prepared to explain to your child why mommy and daddy are not married? I am 34 years old and have no children, which is a choice I made. I have always wanted children, but never was with a man that I felt I could make a child with, until now. I personally would not have a child without being married, but call me old-fashioned.
2007-11-01 12:00:35 · answer #2 · answered by Nurse Blondie 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
There's no objective reason. Babies were being made way before marriage was invented. In this society, it is a "social norm" to get married as the first step to starting a family, so there's a stigma attached to unmarried parents. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make; but if "fitting in" is important to you, the society's view on the subject is something to consider. A lot of social rules and concepts are rather arbitrary - but when you live in a society, you WILL stand out and catch flack if you don't abide by them. Asking "why" isn't gonna solve anything - there's more of them than there is of you; act in a way that seems right to YOU, while being realistic about the ramifications.
Remember: The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist expects it to change, the realist adjust the sails.
2007-11-01 12:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that the main issue here is the fact that if you are not able to "committ" fully to your relationship by becoming married then it is doubtful you will be able to fully committ to a child.
There are plenty of people out there who are in committed relationships who are not married for various reasons, but adding a child into the mix is usually not a factor. Are you planning to tell your child you are unmarried? What exactly is the reason that you don't want to get married if you plan to "live as a married couple"? Do you not want to enjoy the financial benefits of being a married couple with a child? It really just doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and I think that is why people put down the idea...maybe if you could explain your motives a little better or more deeply...?
2007-11-01 12:14:50 · answer #4 · answered by missapparition 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well a baby without marriage is not as important as a baby without love.
My view on this is if you are ready for commitment between you two that is fine, as long as you undertand the consequences of society not respecting your "contract" meaning, if you decide to separate, or worse if he leaves you, he might not have to pay any child support etc.
But I agree with you, dont worry about what other people (or society thinks) at the end you want this baby, the baby will always say mom and dad. But there will come a point when the baby might ask "why are you not married"?
What would you say then? Because we dont want to? (or because he doesnt want to?)//just a thought
2007-11-01 12:00:25 · answer #5 · answered by Omar C 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that most people feel its a matter of principle. At one time, a child born out of wedlock was known as a bastard. Times I think have changed though and there are a lot of reasons that people don't believe in marriage. Financially it is not always the best move for some. It is a choice between you and your significant other. As long as you two are okay with it then I wouldn't worry about anyone else. Good luck
2007-11-01 12:57:30 · answer #6 · answered by karaokediva1960 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you break up the custody battle between unmarried people is so much more of a heart/head ache you would not believe it. My ex and me had a baby we weren't married. He took off with the child and there was nothing I could do about it because NEITHER one of us had custody of the baby. Unbelievable. It took months before I found him and got him into court. I live in Florida. It was the most painful experience I've ever been through.
2007-11-01 12:10:38 · answer #7 · answered by shellshell 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your baby would be known to others as a bastard without the benefit of marriage. Do you really want anyone at all to call your baby a bastard?
Just get married. Think about how your baby would feel if the two of you decided his or her feelings later do not matter because the two of you were too immature to take on the responsibility of marriage.
Marriage ( committment for a LIFETIME and not for a few years until people who were too immature to marry anyway decide they need to have sex with someone else who comes along also too immature to recognize the value of marriage )
is when two people who VALUE the life of the spouse above and forsaking all others join together to literally become as one. Teaching a baby to value the life of another with honor and justice and love is what parents must do by EXAMPLE.
Only a person too immature to think ahead of losing a spouse to divorce or of the life of a child would forget to include that childs feelings .
Maybe you ought to not marry yet anyway.and also not have a child yet.
2007-11-01 12:12:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa of America 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I believe it is important for the emotional health of a relationship for a man and woman to make the commitment of marriage before bringing children into the world. You can be together but it's NOT "just like" you were married. Vows are sacred and binding. It's not the name of the father that the baby needs. It's two parents who cared enough to make the commitment of marriage and receive God's blessing. There's got to be a reason you don't want the commitment. You need to re-think the reason why.
2007-11-01 12:03:33 · answer #9 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
It's your decision.. Why do you even care what other people think? Atleast you both want a baby and he's sticking with you. A lot of couples are deciding to just be together w/o the legalities of a marriage.
2007-11-01 12:06:38 · answer #10 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋