Married since July; lost literally everything; I don't know what to do?

Question

How can we survive? we had to leave our apartment because of a health issue, the landlord will not give us back our security; I just lost my baby and now we are now living out of boxes with my parents in an apartment. We got married in July, have no money, no home and I don't know how we are going to make it through all this. I'm devestated, heart broken, and terrified. I just don't know what to do now without the security money for a new place. We are both beyond miserable. Anyone ever been through anything like this? did your marriage survive it? any advice?

I have a job, I work full time and am getting a second one. My husband is the one who won't work; definitley a huge part of the problem! and having an internet connection has nothing to do with it, don't be a ******* moron.

Thanks to those of you who gave real answers, it's much appreciated, especially Phemone, sorry to hear things are sucking for you guys to. Maybe July is a bad luck month to get married! best of luck to you as well. I feel for you, you know I do!

thanks to Tweety too, I'm thinking you're right and Valarie too.

NOTE: I didn't mean to get pregnant I'm on b/c pills for 4 years and some how they failed.

Answer 1

I actually got married in July, too, and I'm in a similar situation, although it doesn't sound as bad as yours. We are behind on all of our bills and the rent (we might be evicted soon), and my husband is the only one employed (I'm a graduate student, but I'm looking for a part-time job so that I can help bring in some money). We also have bad credit because we can't pay the minimum payments on our credit cards. The problem is that my husband's employer promised him a certain salary, and now they won't pay him what they owe him for the work he has done. We still have yet to see his last paycheck, and it's been a week since he should have received it. We can't hire a lawyer because we don't have the money for one, and since it's a big company, we probably wouldn't win anyway.

As a result of this financial crisis, my husband and I have argued a lot. It's really hard being poor, but the way I see it, this is one of those experiences we can look back on someday and say, "If we can make it through something like this, we can get through just about anything." Hopefully it will make us stronger and more appreciative of the things we do have now, however little that may be. I also keep in mind that no matter how bad things are, someone else always has it worse. And yes, our marriage is surviving; we get into some pretty nasty fights, but we're both still here and committed to each other.

I agree with some of the other people on here that your husband should get a job to help get you both out of this financial mess. It sounds like you're doing your part, and he should be doing his. If he can't find a job or for some reason can't work, he should file for unemployment, or find some other way to come up with money (give blood, sell a few things on Ebay, collect aluminum cans for recycling, work from home or at least look for a job, etc.). Since you have access to a computer, maybe he could fill out surveys online. My father-in-law does this and gets a lot of free stuff and a little bit of cash from it.

I'm really sorry about your baby. I can't imagine what that must feel like, on top of your financial situation. I hope that someday you will be able to heal from this and be a stronger person because of it.

Answer 2

Losing a baby is a huge blow. Been there. First, you need to tell him to get off his butt and get a job. Why should you work 2 jobs if he is able to work. Save money until you can get your own place. Find a lawyer and talk to them about your rights with the security deposit from your apartment. If the health issue was due to something at the apartment, like mold, they should not be able to keep it. Things will get better but both of you need to do your parts. Tell your husband to stop being lazy and help take care of you. Take care of yourself too. Take time to grieve for your baby when you need too. No matter how far you were, have a funeral/memorial for your angel if you have not already. The pain will lessen in time hun. ((((HUGS))))

Answer 3

Just hang in there. You sound like a young couple who's still growing. When we were first married, my husband couldn't keep a job, I dropped out of college, I got pregnant, had only a part time job, lived an old house next to railroad tracks with busted windows and one a/c unit that cooled the whole house. Not to mention our neighbor was literally pshyco (it was a duplex house) Ha. It's funny when I think about it now. We were young and in love. Long story short... We have a beautiful 3000 sf home, 2 nice cars (that actually run), great jobs, and 2 kids now. Just hang in there...

Answer 4

do u have a local newspaper Where I live we have a newspaper but we have a little book called a Bulletin Board and people put all kinds of adds in it like to sale things buy things get dates just all kinds of stuff maybe if you have access to something like that you could place a add need help getting apartment no deposit but can pay rent with a little extra to make up deposit maybe somebody will work with you.

If you have a church home let it be known you need help maybe somebody there will be willing to help you. If you don't have a church home get one if nothing else that can give you hope. You can start by praying together and ask God to show you the path you need to be on to get your own apartment good luck and so sorry to hear of the loss of your child. You are in my prayers.

Answer 5

Are you a Christian? I only ask because sometimes God tests our faith in him and his promise to always provide for our needs. Pray and have faith. And YES I have been there, my husband left me with our fourth baby on the way because I wouldn't have an abortion and I was on bedrest because of complications. We were financially broke and no income coming in, God provided....he really did. It seemed like he just took over when I needed him most. If your husband won't work then leave him he isn't doing his job as a husband. Go out there on your own and make a life for yourself. It can be done! If you are this broke, get public assistance, that is what it is there for. Contact Catholic charities sometimes they can help with rent downpayments. Most churches will help with utilitiy bills and the state will help with foodstamps and insurance and daycare (if you have kids). Go out there and find every resource available to you and DONT be too proud to use it. Use your internet connection to research resources available to you and then apply for them TODAY and stop letting this man put you in the gutter. A year from now you will be a totally different person and you will be thankful you took the chance to trust in God. Remember this if nothing else...."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". YOU REALLY CAN, I am living proof!

A year and a half latter I have a healthy baby boy who is 18 months old and darling! During those six months that I could not physically work we did not go without. I did exactly what I am telling you to do and our needs were met. No life wasn't perfect and there were times I felt hopeless and when I did I would pray and God gave me that peace that only he can provide. No, I am NOT a bible thumpin CHRISTIAN, but I am also not ashamed of JESUS. Maybe just maybe he is trying to reach you and you are not responding, the rebellious child if you will. Consider yourself blessed that he loves you this much and find a church or minister to pray with. God helps those who help themselves! Be Blessed!!

Answer 6

what won't kill you will only make you stronger!! What kind of health issues could make you lose an apartment?And why won't the landlord give you back your security?You needs to sit down and talk to your husband about getting a job, What kind of man will let there wife work 2 jobs while he sits on his *** all day?He needs to step up to the plate. You say you just got married right? Just alitlle advise you need to nip it in the bud right now how you start your marriage is how it will end, you are letting him do this, he will always feel it ok to do..

Answer 7

Why doesn't your husband work? Is it because of the health issue? I there a chance he might recover eventually, and go back to work? If this is only temporary - you might be miserable, but you have to be strong and keep your hopes up. If this is something permanent, you need to think of a creative solution to your particular situation. What are your skills, where do you live? A lot depends on the specifics. Try talking to friends or family who know you well, and see if they have any advice to give you.

Answer 8

I know only some of what you are going through but hang in there. It would help out alot if your husband would work too.
I work a job and my husband works two jobs. We have had rough times going without electricity,sometimes without food, and I had to go live with my mom for awhile...but we hung in there.The main thing is to work hard and budget your money. Try to spend under your limit and put money aside for emergencies. We made it and are trying to keep it up.
I hoped this helped.Good luck.

Answer 9

Honey, if you already work full time and you're getting a second job and your husband won't work, you need to reevaluate your choices. In this world, it takes two people who are both willing to work and contribute. Unless, he has real issues that make it impossible for him to work, he needs to "Man Up" as they say and do something to contribute to supporting both of you just like you're doing.

It's never fun to face being alone, but if he's not willing to step up to the plate, you need to think this through.

In the meantime, YOU will survive because you're not afraid to do what you need to in order to correct the situation. Be careful of your choices and once you've made them, stick to them.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like you're very hormonal, and devastated at losing your baby. For that, I am so sorry. So, things seem 100 times worse than they are. Yes, I sympathize with you on your issues, BUT, you have a roof over your head, you have family that is helping you out constantly. You guys need to dig deep, take things in stride, take one day at a time, and little by little, progress. You and hubby need to get steady work, get a decent paycheck coming in, and save enough $$ to get a deposit, so you can get out on your own, or either pay off some bills you guys have accumulated. No one has it easy, and I agree, alot of people aren't under as much stress and strain as you are. But, you're an adult, take charge, keep your chin up, and plug along like every other american does. Look around...there's people that are far worse off than you. Hospitals are overflowing... cancer centers are helping hundreds of people DAILY... that have a limited time to live. Families of these victims are suffering because of their terminally ill family member. We have young families here in the USA awaiting their hubby/wife to come home from Iraq....
take heart, things aren't as bad as you think....