Do you think I did the right thing?

Question

My BF and I broke up.. after 2 weeks I found out he was out there dating... It killed me.. So I asked for SPACE.. he agreed and cannot wait til we are friends agian... I am in the anger stage.. I was told by my Shrink to write him a letter telling him all my anger thoughts about how he broke up with me and why it is hard for me to deal.. I did it, I wrote him a note and sent it to him.. I bashed him.. not caring about his feelings, and that what I was worried about the whole time.. his feelings not mine.. So you all think I did the right thing? the letter I mean.

I didn't break up he did. The way he broke up with me was crappy.. Telling me he loved me and cuddling me on the couch and BAM - "I don't this ling distance relationship is going to work" He was thinking this for a month or so but wanted to do it face to face. Then he meets someone while we are still together, does make plans with her until he breaks it off with me.. That is why I am angry.. He quit on us cause either he found someone there or he could handle not being alone... Whatever... I didn't get to express my anger when we broke up.. I was numb.

Answer 1

I think that you did what you had to do for closure that you needed. If you are in the anger stage then you need to do what you can to move on to the acceptance stage. remember, you broke up for a reason and he was not cheating on you when he started to date so u really cant be mad at him. I can tell you that the meaner you are to him the more you will push him away and not have him in your life at all. so the choice is up to you how you handle it. good luck.

Answer 2

If you two broke up, I'm not sure why you cared all that much that he was dating ~ that is something you should have expected because men have a problem being alone, more than most women do.

As far as the letter, it probably wasn't a good idea and I question a counselor who would tell you to do something like that. Would you want him to send you a scathing letter, telling you how awful you are in his eyes?

Many times I have written my feelings down when I've been angry with someone but only do it as a release. When I read it a week or two later, I can see where I'm right in some of it but wrong in others and I then tear it up and dispose of it. I never share the letter with the person, no matter how much I might dislike them.

If I were you, I think I'd be finding another counselor and start over. Just remember that we all go through rejection but that doesn't mean there is necessarily anything wrong with you, it's a part of life. People come and people go all the time and if the two of you aren't "on the same page", your relationship will never work anyway.

When it happened to me years ago, I just figured there was someone much better out there for me and enjoyed the search. And I was right because I am now married to a wonderful Christian man, much better than some of the others I knew before and I wouldn't trade my sweetie for anyone in the world.

Buy the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and get some guidance on how men think and things they want from a woman and then work to make yourself a better person, one that a man will want to love and respect. But first, you need to learn to love and respect yourself.

Wishing you well.......

Answer 3

Composing the letter had enormous therapeutic value; sending that letter was purely about revenge. (I'm unclear on why you were upset with him for dating again after you broke up with him...was it the fact that he did so after only 2 weeks?) You DO realize that once you break up what exes do thereafter is entirely their business, right?

Answer 4

You needed to release those feelings in order to move on. Sometimes we can not say how we feel because our thoughts get confused when in conversation. This way he could not interrupt what you needed to express.

Answer 5

probably, the shrink meant for you to WRITE the letter, but then to discuss it with her/him. not mail it.