Is this a good marriage?

Question

I have been married 18 yrs. It is school break here and my husband has taken holidays. Everyday so far he has played or taken one of the kids to tennis both morning and afternoon and gone out one evening to play tennis. i have gone out myself with one of the kids. I feel like a maid just there to clean up and cook meals. I moved to his country for this!
are your marriages the same?

Answer 1

If you feel like it's not a good marriage, you've either lost your perspective, or you've got a bad marriage.

Can he take all of the kids out one afternoon? Can you go out as a family for a movie or something? How about staying in and watching a rented DVD?

You have to tell him how you feel, and offer some constructive way of fixing the problem. He may not agree -- ask him what he thinks you both should do.

I left my country, too, and got married over here. Could it be that you are just a little homesick and you are taking it out on him? Or it's just one of those bumps in a marriage? Are any of your kids getting ready to graduate, and causing you to re-examine your life?

It could be any of those things. Take your time, and when you talk to him, be calm and try to be rational. Just talking about it might help you feel better. Concentrate on your feelings, rather than accusing him of not pulling his share of the work.

Good luck!

Answer 2

gosh..
probably he is very attached with the kids.. Or maybe you dont show him enough attention when he gets home.
probably you should get him by suprise and say.. Lets all of us go out to a park or for a nice family dinner etc. The bond must come back.. fi not you will definately feel misserable like this thinking you are a maid.
But i think as a mother and a wife - cleaning , cooking, is your duty! You have to make sure your kids are getting the right meals.. and so does your husband. And you got to make sure the house is tidy too. (Unless you've a maid at home)

I am married for 1 yr, i do have ups and downs where my husband will run out with his friends(guys) to drink..which pisses me off.but what can i do.. thats what he likes to do.
But we tend to do alot of things together.

You got to make sure you finish all your work before your husband comes home. so that atleast you have sometime to ask him hows he doing and to catch up talking.
Plan for a picnic.. breakaway from home for your whole family.. where everyone is involved. that will be fun.

I feel you need to refresh you marriage! try something new. Dont be the same 18yrs married lady..do something different that will catch his attention. A make over.. something like that.

Or.. maybe your husband feels that he needs to spend some time with the kids.. as he has been busy working all this days. Isnt that Possible?

Well Sitting and talking to him and planning something together will be good.

I wish things improve for u and ur husband.

Answer 3

First of all, was he like this when you married him? If the answer is yes, then why did you marry him and move to his country? If the answer is no, then that just shows a proven statistic, people change. If he did not love you then he would probably leave. As far as you being a maid, do you work? If he is the sole provider for your family, then I believe that you should do your part at home and try to maybe involve him more with your activities as his wife instead of distancing yourself from him.

Answer 4

I am married to man who cares about me. We do everything together. We care enough for each other to be sure the other is happy. We take long drives and talk the entire time. We go for long walks and talk the entire time. We share in the cooking, cleaning, and daily chores around the house. We treat each other as equals. No, my marriage is not the same as yours.

Answer 5

Basically, when god created this world, he gave responsibility to each one of us........................ the responsibility of women is to take care of the family by homely means and men r given some much physical portion to earn for family and take care by external means.
thats why women r given priority at no. 1 every where coz of there sacrifice in life.

now if u talk bout ur life, u r doing ur duty by feeding ur family as it has to be done naturally, the problem u told is due to ur husband, c if ur spouse behaves in the same manner in the home too, then there is some major problem between ur relationship check whose fault it is and from when and if it is in the outings only then there can be two points 1) he might be very busy playing with children and might think ur busy with food etc. (non intentional rejection). 2) he might be facing some problem being with u outside. if one of these problem u have better sit and talk with him and sort out the problem.

Answer 6

Yes, women do most the cooking and cleaning in America....
As well as take the kids to and from activities, school, and anything else that comes up. Maybe you should move back to YOUR country!

Answer 7

Marriage is love, respect, trust and COMMUNICATION! You have to tell him how you feel and try and work together on this. If you love eachother you should be doing everything to make eachother happy. Don't let him make you feel like a maid, or ever disrespect you. Just tell him what you want and if he loves you, you can make it work.

My marriage is whatever I want and my husband's marriage is whatever he wants. We only take care of eachother.

Answer 8

You are hiding other information. It would be my guess that things are pretty bad with your marriage. You and your husband need to rediscover what you both saw in each other before you got married. I do sympathized with you though.

Answer 9

Don't compare.. Every marriage has their own issues.. You start engaging yourself in to the family circle.. Go out with the entire family

Answer 10

What's wrong with spending time with the kids during holidays? They're your kids, right? I love it when my hubby takes the kids out. Maybe there is something else you are not telling us...?