If sex is something men are to be expected to "earn", does it then make sense?

Question

Does it then make sense that the man should then be critiqued on every aspect of his performance, like he's doing a job?

If sex is a reward, but one is still expected to perform, what's the reward for THAT?

It sounds to me like a treadmill. (Glad I got off. No pun intended.)

The issue of sex being something for men to "earn" is based on recent questions and answers given by female posters. If you don't share that attitude, good for you.

Answer 1

Gnu,

You may have read my answer to a previous question regarding "earning" ... the concept was not to put a "superiority" label on the vagina, where the guy needs to run for it, jump through hoops and do back flips to earn it-- that's ridiculous. I understand that attitude exists, but I regard it as comic as the princess syndrome attitude of the guy having to pay for a date because she's a woman. My concept of earning was a mutual one. And it involved the entire relationship. As you may have noticed, I said we BOTH need to earn what we get. It's not an exclusively sexual matter, but if I value myself, your value yourself---you need to know what I'm worth and I need to know what you're worth. I was also bringing up the psychological factor of you not appreciating something that's given up freely---you can't possibly deny that.

Secondly, I don't know what kind of women and men ya'll been with, but you don't "critique" someone's performance in bed. When you get the point of sleeping with someone, they've proven themselves worthy enough to share your body with, so you treat them like you would treat a team member. It's not a matter of competition, but joint effort. They have already been granted their membership status, after a selective process, so now that they are in, WE need to work together to make the experience worthwhile.

I sense an underlying pattern of giving women more power than necessary. I may be completely out there, but the men that I have been with, have had lots of ego and ********* involved, to just be taken for granted in any shape or form. I simply had to work to earn my points, just like they did theirs. And I have mutually "pursued" them. Maybe I just function differently, because I highly detest the princess syndrome and I'm rarely attracted to men who put too much power in my hands, but I can only respect a guy who mutually values himself and is mutually selective.

It's 4 AM, so excuse any incoherency :)

Answer 2

There is no reward for the that, except possibly an orgasm should you still be up to it. ( Pardon the pun) Unfortunately in a patriarchal society the rules though unwritten were largely made by men and we as a culture now blindly follow that.
The men went courting and the ladies would then pick the most viable in regards to money, influence, ect, for marriage. That in itself sets a performance base on all aspects of a relationship, modern women have added sex to the mix. The earlier generations of women were taught to do their duty and be quiet.
We without even thinking about it steep our children in this archaic thinking from the cradle. It is an unfortunate by product of days gone by that has outlasted many cultural changes for both sexes.
What should mutually be earned by both parties before having sex is respect and regard for one another. In that light the earned part should be a non issue when it comes to sex. The real reward is finding someone that would rather enjoy a man or woman than critique their performance in bed.

Answer 3

Sex is not something that's earned. How would you know what to do to earn sex. A man should never be critiqued on every aspect of his sexual performance. That's not fair. Some men are good in bed and some are not all that hotsy-totsy. That's life. Also, a man might not be completely in the mood for sex so he's not paying attention to what's going on.

Sex should never be used as a reward. It would be like saying "If he buys me a diamond ring, I'll put out for him." What kind of backward thinking is that. Also, if sex is used as a reward it can also be used as a punishment. ("He didn't remember to stop at the cleaners ... no sex for him tonight.")

Sex should be a mutually enjoyable experience between people who care about each other. There's no "earn" or "reward" attached to that.

Answer 4

Hahahaha...
You made a funny with the treadmill comment. ;-)

On a serious note, I don't think that sex should have to be "earned" by either men or women.
To me, sex is an act we should perform whenever we feel comfortable enough to do so. For some people it takes longer than others.

In addition to your question and statement, I find it annoying when people treat sex as if it were some sort of privilege, rather than an instinctual part of human nature, for example, when people "punish" their partners by not having sex with them.

Answer 5

If sex is a 'reward', I should be a nicer girl.
Maybe I'll get some!

:) .. heh

stupid me, I just thought it was mutual affection. Emphasis on the mutual.

No one should be 'critiqued' on something so intimate, but thats not to say people shouldn't speak to each other lovingly about what they'd like to improve and try.

Answer 6

If sex is something that has to be earned or a reward for good behavior - then it becomes about trade and training.
I dont trade love, nor am I trainable, as Im not a dog, I can be talked with and I may decide to modify aspects but I m not open to an authority like that.

Women of such nature instantly loose all value, they do to me any way.

Answer 7

I would agree with a number of posters above me that, to me, sex is not earned. I enjoy sex just as much as my husband does!
I would like to be totally honest in that I have used sex as a bargaining tool, but so has he. Therefore I see no problem with it.
Also - after being together for a number of years, we now have a "sex schedule" Monday and Thursday nights and Saturday morning. Anything above and beyond that is bonus!

(this is prob too much info)

Answer 8

Don't ever allow yourself to believe that sex is something men are expected to "earn". Just don't go there because that unhealthy thought, if it gets planted in your mind, erodes passion in time. Unfortunately, there are women who barter with men, and men who barter with women. That whole business of a man being judged by how big the engagement ring is he buys for a woman, or a woman who feels like she has to sexually serve a man for her keep or for trinkets, is all so disturbed, so petty. If in no other matter, people should let go of all the petty stuff and be most tender and honorable in the arms of each other in bed.

Answer 9

I've learned to pour tons of salt on everything I read here. From the guys, we see all kinds of complaints about the lack of male reproductive rights...as though EVERY guy wants to have that child that his girlfriend is aborting! Give me a break. And likewise, with many women here, there is huge bravado in discussing how men have to grovel to get any sexual attention.

The reality is that women don't treat men half as badly as they claim, and men really aren't put out by the feminist movement a fraction as much as they claim. I get caught up too, when I spend too much time in GWS. But then I just check back into real life and realize that the problems that get reported in here are in very small proportion outside of this virtual box!

Answer 10

".. sex is something men are to be expected to 'earn'..."
No, definitely not, and it is not a 'reward' either. The question does not even arise. No self-respecting man would countenance anything of the kind nor would he in any shape or form 'pay' for sex. Sex is a mutual activity, no more or less.