Your hubby is asked if he/she would pick you Again and he/she says No?

Question

Some background:

2 out of the 7 years you've been married (year 2 & 3 specifically) were 'pure hell' for your mate.

Though you loved him/her; had good intentions; shared many good times; great bond; & laughed a lot - you also treated your mate badly. You were easily upset at them, assumed the worst of them at every turn & were violent (threw stuff around, e.t.c.).

Fast forward to 7 years down the road (today) and everything is great. You two couldn't be more happy - it's almost pure bliss.

You have changed tremendously - you are considerate, loving, kind and feel guilty about the 'bad' times. You have set out to 'fix' as much of the harm done and appreciate their 'hanging in there'. Your hubby couldn't ask for a better relationship.

Today your hubby is asked if he/she went back in time with the knowledge of how things are and were, would they choose you again and they respond with: "No. I wouldn't go through year 2&3 again for anything!"

How would you feel and respond?

Let me reiterate:

How would YOU feel and respond?

Thanks.

Answer 1

I would agree with him that I would not want to do those two years again either. He did not say that he did not want you or all of your relationship, just those two years.You asked him if he had the knowledge would he and I think that he gave you an honest answer. I guess I would be happy that he felt confident that he could tell me the truth. Try not to let it bother you. You are over the bad times and have learned from them.

Answer 2

I wouldn't FEEL hurt by it or even pissed off by it either. I mean if I were in that situation and knowing the facts. It would be more than understandable for him to say such things. I mean hell, I would know what went down those 2&3 years as well and not sit there and be like they didn't happen, when I know they did. And heck at least he didn't say he wouldn't have picked me if he had to do it all over again, because of the whole marriage. He was within his rights to say what he did, because I know the facts ot the matter about those bad years just as he does. He didn't say anything out of turn or that was a lie. And besides as humans we tend to remember alot more of the bad stuff than of all the good stuff. Even if the person has changed.

Answer 3

Its a fair response. As much as you feel you have grown during the relationship, two difficult years take a lot out of someone. Though the end results may be wonderful, he may not want to repeat that process ever again in his life.

Answer 4

if you really love someone you can forgive them for most things, as long as there has not been any unfaithfullness in the relationship then people can go off the rails at any time as long as you are understanding you can get through it, it may be like hell on earth for a while but there is always that glimmer worth holding on for. it sounds like you fit the above otherwise he/she would have gone long ago, just don't take it to heart, try and ask why he/she said what they did, i would, and have been gutted in a similar situation to get the response you did, but you can work through it and sounds like you already have.
Good Luck

Answer 5

You should have let him know if you wanted the truth or a lie, sounds like he was just being honest. People shouldn't ask questions if they're not willing to hear a truthful answer. Get over it.

Answer 6

I'd say that he's learned a good lesson from years 2 & 3. Doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with that. Why? Are you trying to dwell in the past still?

EDIT: My response? I'd laugh and say, "ME NEITHER!"

Answer 7

He is being honest. You ask. But if its all ok now why bother with the past. Move on, dragging that up will only cause problems.

Answer 8

i think hubby was just referring about those bad years not about today...past is past and just face the present and the future dont even try to go back to the yucky times coz it's bad memories. dont be hurted about it coz you also know how bad were those times so just focus on what you have now and tomorrow.. goodluck and god bless you both.

Answer 9

what would you expect him to say? it seems all women want is for us men to lie and just say what you want to hear he told the truth and from what you said i can understand why he said no.

Answer 10

I probably would have said, here... let me fix that right now and throw all his crap out on the porch.