Fiancee of three years left a month ago after an argument and was moved in with another girl within the week. I have been crying and depressed ever since. I don't know how to erase three years of memories or even understand how he cared so little to erase me like that. I really can't find a way to get over this even though there is so much he did to hurt me. Sometimes I just dwell on what I did wrong and feel so bad (never cheated). I am just so confused over everything I am having a hard time coping.
2007-10-31 17:27:11 · 21 answers · asked by theartisttwin 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think you should be the one feeling bad. It seems to me like he didn't deserve you to begin with. Most girls have the problem of staying with a guy even though he isn't really right for them. They do this because it is what they are used to and they don't wanna change things up. You shouldn't be depressed though because you sound like a sweet girl, and there is a guy out there that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. I really don't know if this guy is over you. He probably just thinks that if he moves on, then he will forget about you. It is either that or he never loved you to begin with.
2007-10-31 17:33:10 · answer #1 · answered by nodine410 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your fiancee moved in with another girl within the week .. then your fiance had been having "other" thoughts for a long time before you arguement. This just did not happen, at that moment of the arguement, for him. It's been going on for awhile .. of some sort.
You can't go backwards. You can only go forward. You cannot erase the 3 years of memories .. and "if" you did anything wrong - you can't change that either .. because it is in the past .. and you can't go back there again .. it's history.
For "right now .. give yourself TIME to mourn your loss. Cry, think .. do whatever you want .. for awhile.
Try this .. sit alone with paper & pen. Write a letter to yourself, or your ex-boy-friend ... and say everything & anything that comes to your mind .. say ALL the words you wish .. don't spare any words. You are not going to give this letter to anyone .. these letters are just for you only .. do not give it to your boy-friend, or anyone. When you finish the letter - go put the letter in a very safe place where no one can see the letter. In 2 or 3 weeks - go get the letter(s) and re-read them. You will be surprised to see what is in your heart .. and what you feel. Also - most of the time when anyone writes these letters - they get an overwhelming sense of relief. This may sound simple .. but try it.
"TIME" .. is the healer of most things. You first need to mourn .. do a lot of it. THEN !! .. make yourself stop the mourning .. and go FORWARD with your life. Either throw away all your & his things, pictures, reminders, etc .. or file them somewhere far away from you .. then .. make yourself put NEW things, places, people, and hobbies in your life. DO NOT ALLOW yourself to dwell on him .. the times you shared .. or even what is right, or what is wrong with the 3 years. At this time .. STOP talking about him with anyone .. and if you start to think of him - imagine a huge STOP SIGN right in front of your nose .. meaning to stop thinking of him .. plus, get busy with something else, to get his off your mind.
It won't be easy, and you will have to try really hard .. but it can be done .. just look around you - the whole world has had heart-ache ,, and it can be gotten over with.
TIME .. will dim the memories .. and lesser the pain .. if you allow it to.
It is your choice whether to control this, or not.
Just know, the choices you put into your life, determines your life.
2007-11-01 09:34:03 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will cry for a while. Stop thinking about what you did wrong. What's done is done and you cannot change it. All you are going to do is drive yourself crazy. He does not deserve you. He is obviously selfish. If he could leave and forget you like that he never really cared in the first place. Even though you do not feel it now you are better off. Did he have her on the side before he left? What you need to do is get busy. Get out of the house. You need to hang out with your friends, work some more hours, join the gym, anything that will keep you busy. It will take a while and you will still want to cry but you will get over it. The busier that you are the less you will think about it. You could also volunteer, take a class, there is so much to do. I wish you the best.
2007-10-31 17:35:46 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know your pain. There is no way you can erase 3 years of memories. But in the end, you will be thankful that your relationship did not work out. The fact that he moved in with another girl within a week says a lot about what he was doing when you guys were together. The positive of all of this is: you now can recognize him for what he is (and mark my words, he will do what he did to you to that poor girl). So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should rejoice in the fact that this serial cheater cannot hurt you anymore. The best revenge you could ever have is to be happy. And send him a picture of you and your more deserving man if you see fit.
2007-10-31 17:37:17 · answer #4 · answered by Trauma31 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good grief! Looks like you're better off w/o this guy. I know it sounds mean, but it's obvious he had this girl on the side for a while and was looking for a reason to get out of the relationship. You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. You can't erase your feelings or the time you spent with him. Try not to beat yourself up over it. There's no overnight fix. When you do get through it, you'll look back and see all the red flags you missed. Sorry.
2007-10-31 17:34:40 · answer #5 · answered by WordsWorth_01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were engaged for three years? That's a long time. Did he have a commitment problem? Honey, be THANKFUL that he left BEFORE the wedding. Sorry to be harsh, but you've seen how "little he cared" as you put it. If he can't handle an argument and is moving in with someone else that fast, I just can't see him being marriage material. He was soooo not perfect. Don't beat yourself up. You will find someone even better.
2007-10-31 17:39:29 · answer #6 · answered by Apple Tart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Breakups are always highly traumatic.The longer the relationship, the more painful it will be.I can only can say that time alone will heal the scars.
It will be easy for anyone to give you the dos and don't s, but it is you and you alone, who can come out of this situation. Have a soulful cry ( I am sure that you already had it) and then resolve strongly that you wont be used by any s.o.b again in life.
Turn a new leaf in your life. The self pity will never help you, it will only make you more vulnerable to such sort of predators.
I am sure you can do it! Be Brave! Pull yourself up!!Good luck!!!
2007-10-31 20:14:21 · answer #7 · answered by manhar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same experience as yours. He's my bf for more than 2yrs. If he left you due to an argument, he just finding for the right time to exit. He might have waited for it to happen. He has to do this to lessen his guilt. I know it's hurting, but u should rejoice, it happened when you were not yet married.
I advise you to meet other guys. I believe you don't deserve this, but it would be unfair to him to stay in your relationship when he's no longer happy. You need to move on. Don't go to places that reminds you of him, better yet, leave the place that you used to live with him.
I agree, you need to surround yourself with loving friends who can cheer you up. If you still have a mom, go tell her of how you feel, this will make recovery easier for you.
Above all, tell God about how you feel. Though He knows what you're going through, He likes you to confide it to Him. He is able to carry your burdens. As is said in the song, "He heals the broken-hearted".
I wish I were there to comfort you, and tell you that life is still worth living without him.
2007-10-31 18:00:42 · answer #8 · answered by tiny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHAT YOU DID WRONG - that is your problem. He was with you for 3 years, you didn't do anything WRONG. Stop thinking like that!!!!
What really happened: He met another girl who he found attractive, he emotionally cheated on you with this girl, she was into him and didn't mind being with someone who was engaged, they fell in love, he promised her he would leave you - and he did.
The problem is with him and not you!
Take solace in the following: He will eventually do the same to his new "girl". It's better you found out BEFORE you got married to this Ahole.
There are cheaters out there...and they are sometimes difficult to spot. Fortunately, you probably won't go through this again in your life :)
To get over him you MUST get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Burn his photos - all of them. Hock the engagement ring and all the other jewelry he gave to you. Get rid of his phone numbers on your cell and at home on speed dial. Ask your parents to remove any photos they have of him that are on public display. Erase his email. Whatever you do - DO NOT take any of his phone calls or answer his emails. You have to erase the reminders of him to erase him from your life :)
You will be in pain for a while, but it will pass. Get therapy if you need it to help you cope. Go in chat rooms and ***** about him if you need to. Give yourself a date when you will stop talking about him permanently to family and friends.
Remember, the more you linger on about him, the more likely it is that you will miss finding the real Mr. Right.
2007-10-31 17:41:54 · answer #9 · answered by Sebamoop 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you crying so much for a man who obviously planned to leave you.....Yes you have a broken heart and feeling so vulnerable at this point. It'll take awhile before you can cope up with the situation totally. You just need to take it one step at a time. Be level headed and don't make any rush decisions. If love is the reason why you strayed, then love will also take you home......
2007-10-31 17:41:43 · answer #10 · answered by hungrykong 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋