My husband is a great provider & helps around the house. We have 2 daughters (2 1/2 & 8 mo). Problem is when a child is sick (& that is often) he is of no help. Tonight is a perfect example of what happens almost every month. My 2 year old came down with a sudden stomach virus (thrown up 22 times & counting so far). Iwanted my husband to watch my 8 month old just until her bed time so I wouldn't cross contaminate her with germs. If he could get her to bed there is less chance she will get it and would give me a chance to change my vomit clothes. He was ok for a while but she started crying and he gave up. He said he was trying to answer the door for halloween and couldn't do both. It is so typical that I gave up instead of demanding him step up to the plate and just took her. I was so deflated that we keep having this same fight. It ended up in a blow out after I got the baby to bed. He said I make him miserable & divorce may be the only option. Am I being unreasonable?
2007-10-31 17:21:33 · 14 answers · asked by ADC 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow he said you make him miserable and a divorce is the only option? then give him a taste of that..ask him to move out..and see where it goes from there because if you are making him miserable by asking for help with his girls..then you really dont want to keep him there because in the end you will be miserable and so will your girls
2007-10-31 17:26:13 · answer #1 · answered by bailie28 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that you are being unreasonable. The kids are his responsibility also. He does need to step up to the plate. He can do both. You do and I am sure that he expects you too also. Did you take your daughter to the med center or the er? That is quite a few times to throw up for a two year old. If he wants a divorce because you make him miserable for wanting him to act like a husband and a father I would give him one. Good luck dear.
2007-10-31 17:41:14 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If my 2 year old had already thrown up 22 times in an evening, I would tell hubby to stay with the baby while I took the sick child to the hospital. Your children are sick like this monthly?
Unless I am missing something here, both of you missed the point. But in answer to the question, if your husband would rather pass out candy to trick or treaters than take care of his own kids, I would say you have a big old man baby on your hands. Dump him.
2007-10-31 17:30:55 · answer #3 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say that if that's the only problem that you have in your marriage then divorce is a very drastic measure. My husband and I were kind of in the same boat, except opposite -- if that makes any sense. He was GREAT with the kids -- watched them all day when I was working because he's retired and always took care of them when they were sick -- even if they woke up in the middle of the night. He does not, however, do anything to help around the house -- except about 3 times a year he will fix dinner. I've just learned to let it go -- I'm not going to change him and it doesn't affect the way I feel about him overall. Sure, it makes me mad when all the housekeeping is left up to me, but life is short and I've learned to pick my battles more carefully.
2007-10-31 17:28:55 · answer #4 · answered by Vicky L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever noticed that a woman can go, get a trunkload of groceries, carry about 6 bags at a time into the house, and still manage to hang on to her purse, her keys, and get the door with no hands left? And yet a man, will go out grab a bag or 2, and need a woman to open and hold the door for him?
Have you ever noticed that when he needs something, he yells out, "hey, honey... come here" you ask, "what?" He says "I need your help." You say, "with what?" He says, "hurry!!! " You finally drop what you are doing, go into the other room, to find it's some mundane task you could have done by yourself later!
Have you ever noticed that when you need something, you yell out, "hey, honey, come here" he asks, "What?" You say, "I need your help." He says, "with what?" And this goes on, until you finally give up and tell him what you want, and he finally comes to help out.
Now you are probably wondering what my point is, or why I'm married when I obviously have such a low opinion of men. And the fact is, I don't, I love my husband, and I accept his short comings. There are many things that men are good at, however, multitasking, and child care aren't always at the top of the list, and no amount of arguing is going to change that for those that fall in that catagory. You have to accept them for what they are, and make the best with what skills they do have.
2007-10-31 18:15:05 · answer #5 · answered by Ista 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No and yes. It is very understandable that you feel resentful of being stuck with all the child care responsibilities. It is normal and perhaps unavoidable that this would be a point of stress and conflict for you.
Yes, in that your response to the situation isn't going to magically change him into the man you want/need him to be.
It isn't in him and he isn't going to change. You will either have to learn to accept what he is able/willing to offer, or give up. But here's the rub.....after you divorce, here he will come wanting visitation every other weekend and you will be then forced to trust that he CAN figure out how to take care of them all on his own without you around to make sure they really are ok, OR the responsibility will end up falling to his new bimbo who may already have a couple of kids of her own to cross-contaminate with yours. Now, does divorce really sound like a better alternative after all?
2007-10-31 17:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh, late at night there are people here who give answers full of common sense. you should see what passes for answers during the day. " leave the abuser!" would be the majority of answers, not the thoughtful ones here.
these are good, generous answers. all i can add is that i would be a bit concerned about the number of serious illnesses. this seems a lot.
2007-10-31 19:08:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being unreasonable in expecting your husband to respect you enough to help you take care of your children when he is around.....
I have empathy for you because your husband obviously doesn't care about you anymore... personally i think your relationship is beyond counseling. because when a man acts like this his mind is pretty made up either he is just a lazy no good bastard, or he means exactly what he has told you.. you make him miserable.. this i believe he means what he says...
so Darling, i hope you are an attractive woman with an attractive body... if so kick his azz out the door... IF your NOT an attractive woman with a nice body ... you need to hang on top his azz just as long as you can.... thats reality baby....
2007-10-31 17:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by ibjuscoolin 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
No, you are definetly not being unreasonable. Marriage is a partnership, you guys should be partners. And partners work together. He should help more. Try conseling & if that doesn't work try seperation. Do whatever you have to do to ensure you & your children are happy.
2007-10-31 17:36:46 · answer #9 · answered by lillette17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are. If the child is throwing up that much, go to the doctor/ER. Quit making everything out to be a big drama.
2007-10-31 17:25:39 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋