My wife has BPD and goes psycho all the time,but there is no way to prove she's assaulted me - I've tried the PD and she just cross-alleges. If I split,the woman virtually always gets the kids. i would be leaving my children with an abusive female. What can I do? i just want to get out of her life,but I don't want to leave my kids. I guess this is why guys have to stay in abusive relationships.
2007-10-31 15:46:10 · 17 answers · asked by Chris 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know she has BPD but in NYS the HIPPA regulations make formal documentation impossible. As far as videotaping in this state taping someone against their will or without their knowledge is itself considered abuse - especially if it's a woman.
2007-10-31 15:56:39 · update #1
First of all, get out with the children while you can. Secondly, there is many new situations that occur where many children are being placed in a 50/50 custody. If you get a good lawyer, he or she can get access to the medical records to prove she has BPD. If you have bruise, cuts or markings photograph them for evidence. Hope this helps
2007-10-31 16:16:01 · answer #1 · answered by jbb 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will need real, and solid, proof.
First, check out survellience equipment which you can hide with no detection. You need the abuse recorded.
You need to find a friend at the Police Department. If you can get someone in the PD to listen to you .. and help you .. see if they will let you file an informal report every time the abuse happens. If the Police will NOT let you, or help you .. then still attempt to file the report with the PD, and keep a journal of the dates, times, persons name, etc of each time that you attempted to get help from the PD. Keep on, keeping on .. don't give up. Just be positive to keep records every time .. and keep your record books somewhere your wife never goes .. so she can't find the records. It is important to have these records .. and even better if someone can witness them.
Seek advice from many other agencies. Talk with an attorney ,, be sure to re-check the information given to you. Talk with Human Resource people. Contact the General Attorney of your State for advice.
Plan your strategy for real proof. Proof is nothing that is speculated, or hear-say.
Have proof that leaves NO DOUBT about what you, and your children, are having to endure.
I have included a site that might be an interesting read for information. The site may also give you agencies that will give you more information.
Be careful with gathering your proof. Guard it very carefully. Don't tell your children what you are doing .. they should not be involved .. plus, your wife would probably find out.
Your children need to be protected.
2007-10-31 16:09:28 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
uh ok. this is what you do. plan really carefully with some sort of lawyer...and be pretty secretive about it because you need to be prepared to take her to court. My whole childhood consisted of court dates and fights and trying to get legally separated from my abusive father. But it was a huge battle. people can be very manipulative so just get as many details as possible. maybe after an abusive an event, record exactly what happens for proof. date it.. ect. I'm pretty vague but i was a kid when this happened, but even though he's not allowed to come within a certain amount of feet around me, hes still here in my life. my dad's bi polar and so is my brother because we waited so long to do something. the worst thing you can do is wait it out. the best thing you can do is take her to court fully prepared for everything. you want full custody, right? child support, the works. there was never any proof that my dad did anything to abusive to my brothers, sisters, and i, but it definitely happened. the kids could confess and tell everything. this is just going to be a long, painful process, but it'll be better in the end. if you don't change things soon, things will only get worse. I'm sorry.
but, dont get a camera, if she sees it... things just wont go well.
2007-10-31 15:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by BA Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In NYS you have very little chance of obtaining custody of your children unless your wife has a ploice record for drug abuse. As to BPD's I roomed with one is college for about two weeks and for anyone who thinks this is a minor disorder,the experience came close to convincing me of demon possession. She was unspeakably assaultive and vitriolic. They are also very skillful in manipulating the legal system. They can go totally psycho one minute and within seconds act perectly normal. There is a book about them called "The Angry Heart". Your children are in a very bad situation,and so are you. Since nothing honest is going to work,just find a few people who are willing to say they saw her attempt to kill you. That isn't honest,but it will put her away. Unfortunately that's only short-term. NYS actually favors mentally-ill mothers. The circumstance creates sympathy. Short of her death - and I mean by some means other than you killing her - the blunt reality is: you haven't got a chance. All you can do is leave her and hope some future boyfriend experiences enough abuse to have a tornado effect and kill her. That'll be bad for him but good for you. And the kids. But unless that happens - you're screwed.
2007-11-01 12:49:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a documented medical diagnosis of BPD on her your attorney can use that in court to obtain child custody for you. Your attorney can clearly show the court the damage that your wife would have on your children because of her BPD. Get a good attorney and get his advice on this. It's worth a try.
2007-10-31 15:52:55 · answer #5 · answered by mollyflan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would start to write everything down; keep a journal of any assaults and proof of any errant behavior. Can you use the voice recorder on your cellular phone when she starts to get abusive? Also, is the relationship completely over or have you tried counseling?
If it is completely over, maybe you could try to get people over to witness and back you up when she is acting abusive. Maybe - buy a nanny cam?
Good luck to you. Way to be there for your kids.
2007-10-31 15:53:43 · answer #6 · answered by ben b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Documentation of her personality disorder, I'm assuming it's borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder we're talking about and documentation of her abuse. If she has ever been abusive towards the children, this will also favour for you. A good lawyer will be able to put her personality disorder in context with the documentation of the abuse as well as raise questions about her ability to be good parent with her personality disorder. Good luck!
2007-10-31 15:52:08 · answer #7 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Several things:
If wifey has a true mental disorder, you should be able to get proof of her actions and words.
The kids are not always left with the mother - many judges rule by a checklist to determine who is the best parent
If u r absolutely sure - contact a private detective and get the proof in writing;
2007-10-31 15:50:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be glad you don't live in Minnesota where women get full custody 95% of the time. (OK, it might be worse elsewhere). Number one thing to do is talk to a lawyer. Usually you can find one who will talk to you the first time at no charge. Bite the bullet. You're gonna have to spend money on this.
2007-10-31 15:55:10 · answer #9 · answered by colder_in_minnesota 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her being abusive on video tape
Document
Journal everything
Have kids go in as proof..if there old enough to testify
Keep making reports with the police department take in EVERY report call as many times as you can
have a friend neighboor or anybody that has witnessed it go in with u
2007-10-31 15:49:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋