Ok, here's the deal. I dated a guy off and on for about 7 years. He was my first love. I never imagined I could love someone so much. But we ended up breaking things off because it seemed we wanted different things out of life. For years I've wished things had worked out between me and him. He has monopolized my thoughts and my dreams. The feelings I had for him were powerful, to say the least. We lost touch a while back, but I have never gotten over him.
A couple of years ago, I started dating another guy who is great. He loves me and has asked me to marry him. I love him too, but not with the same intensity I had with my first love. But, I know he'd be a great husband and father.
My problem is that my first love has reappeared in my life and has asked for a second chance. He says he loves me and has never gotten over me either. He says he wants to marry me. I'm so confused. My heart is pulling me in two different directions. What do I do? Please help!
2007-10-31 15:37:02 · 19 answers · asked by devil_in_disguise 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What a pickle.
You just have to be really honest with yourself. Do you think you can work things out with your first love and find the right direction in life together? After all, you have been dating someone else for a while now.
It's going to be incredibly hard no matter what you decide, but ultimately you have to make a choice and stand very firmly by it.
Love is not a walk in the park and I'm a firm believer in that true love never fades. Let your heart lead the way and don't look back with regrets ever.
Good luck.
2007-10-31 15:44:42 · answer #1 · answered by cherie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Right now I would put everything on hold.
Reason being, confusion & fear.
No one is putting the pressure on you, I hope.
You need time and I tell you God does answer prayer.
If you pray for the outcome to be his will & ask him to turn your attraction for the other one off. He will do it.
~~~ I prayed in such a way once & I was so into this person. Next time my cousin & I went dancing, he came over & asked me to dance, & I was so surprised, to find that I turned him down, & told him in a disgusting voice that I didn't want to see or hear from him again. That truly made a believer out of me. I explained all of my feelings about this man to God in my prayer. It was over. We have never met again. Praise God.
Seek some counseling to help you sort things out if need be.
Consider your first paragraph ?? Why you broke things off with the first love. Has that changed ?? You are a challenge to him now. Someone else wants to share your life.
Think about that.
I've been married 54 yrs..
Through Peak's & Valley's growing old together
is the sweetest.
May God be gracious with his guidance for you.~~~~~jill
2007-10-31 23:30:38 · answer #2 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen... the same thing happened to me. Go with your first love! I ended up marrying the guy who, on paper, was "better for me" and it was a huge mistake.
No matter how crazy the circumstances, or how it seems like you want "different" things from life, love conquers all. If you have love, you can work through any differences. If you have a "really great guy" who doesn't make your knees weak, you've got nothing but a "really great guy."
2007-10-31 22:47:20 · answer #3 · answered by Laura 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Many years ago this happened to me. It was torture. I chose the newer love. I decided if there were problems with #1, they may never be resolved, and though early in the relationship I had to trust that #2 and I could work out.
Well.....here I am, years later and I think it is happening to me again. I have to think that when the time comes and they both know I love them, whichever one who is willing to stick around the longest through this will be the one for me. I don't really even care about me so much this time. In my maturity, it will just be so painful to have to hurt one of these wonderful men.
2007-11-02 21:37:18 · answer #4 · answered by 4Eyesct 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Watch or read "The Bridges of Madison County"!
You've got a real problem to work out. Follow your heart...your smart heart...not your emotional one. Why is the old love back and around you? Why haven't things worked out for him? Would he make a good husband and father? The man you are with sound solid! Have fun!
2007-10-31 22:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by Yner 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation! First I know we ALL love our first loves! Who is the better person for you? Especially in this time in your life? Trust me, we NEVER forget the first person we love deeply! But we find other loves,especially if the first one, ended! Ask yourself,honestly,who would love you and stay with you? Again, I know how you are feeling? And it's so hard to have to choose.I think your first love, will be that! The other guy is willing to make a lifelong commintment to you! Trust your heart, and please think before you decide?
2007-10-31 22:55:18 · answer #6 · answered by Marna S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have chose one to start your love experience. Love is a big part of our life. We have the nature feeling about the love. we eager the true love. cuz the true love will never end. I met a woman at millionairematch.com. She has a sympathized experience. Her husband passed away several years ago because of an accident. They were admired by their neighbors for their love before. She recovered from the big blow for a long time. She believes that the true love. And this is her precious experience. I have been touched by her action. So you should face it seriously.
2007-11-02 10:05:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How about inviting both men over for dinner and a long chat?
Ok, maybe not, but you need to do something bold like this to snap yourself out of this fantastic mental affair, this "legend", you've been having with the "first love" over the years. It's become your standard by which to measure all your relationships. It's not reliable and makes you nuts.
2007-10-31 23:10:37 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You'd be doing them both a favor if you took a vow of chastity for a year. Really. Avoid any entanglements with them completely. After a year, you may be better able to sort things out. Good luck on this.
2007-10-31 22:57:40 · answer #9 · answered by colder_in_minnesota 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're going to have to follow your heart. Neither of these men have done anything profoundly wrong. But don't burn the candle at both ends. You MUST be honest and upfront, NOW WITH BOTH men. If you burn it at both ends, you're going to lose everything. Be honest and forthright. Then tell both you need some time to think. Take a few days from everything. Don't talk to either one. And choose.
2007-10-31 22:41:08 · answer #10 · answered by MWestbrook 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋