What would you do? Would you be angry?

Question

About a year and a half ago my fiance and I had a bit of a rough patch. He ended up in bed with another girl(lets call her Jo) who knew about our situation. That aside, we worked together to work out all issues and rebuild the trust. A little over a year later we had our little boy. He is now 7 months old.

Our relationship is solid - we don't fight and we are happy together. Problem is, Jo - is a friend of my best friend, Sal. In january, Sal is going to move in with Jo.

Sal, was obviously worried and asked if I would still come visit her. I said yes - I was prepared to be polite to Jo, but was not interested any form of friendship with her. Sal, insists that Jo was the innocent party and that she feels very bad - because my friend is very excited that I am coming back to live. She is constantly asking for me to forgive Jo for the incident. She wants us to be three happy campers. I've told my friend repetivily, it won't happen!

Would you feel angry too?

Answer 1

let's see here now, Sal is your friend and Jo is the woman who slept with your man and Sal is trying to convince you that Jo feels bad for having slept with him. If Jo feels that way, she should let you know, not have Sal as a go between. But at the same time, I am not do stupid as not to understand Jo's hesitation at not wanting to approach you. Human nature being what it is, I wouldn't think that it wouldn't think it a good idea for you and Jo to be in the vicinity of one another. No need to be that close. And she and he fiance are equally at fault for the pairing. I wouldn't go out of my way to be around her. You and Sal can find other places to meet or maybe you could visit when Jo is not there. Big of you to be polite to Jo, though. More like civil i would call it. And Sal shouldn't be asking you for forgiveness, Jo should. Are you angry with Jo? If so, if you want to socialize with Sal at her and Jo's place, you're going to have to work through your anger or it will always be there seething and it may drive your fiance back to her if something else happens between you. In this case, better not to hang out over there while she (Jo) is living there. And no, you do not have to be friends with Jo. I certainly would not want to be a friend to a woman who was rolling around with my fiance during a rough patch. As far as I'm concerned, it's unacceptable. And how is she the victim? Like they say, it takes two to tango. If I met a guy and I knew he had a fiance, wife or whatever and they were having problems, I would not spend an inordinate amount of time with him and give an ear to him complaining about his relationship problems. It almost always lead to sex between them because he's not going to be objective enough to realize that being around this person and focusing in on what's going wrong in your relationship and not what's right is going to make her look so much better in his eyes. He needed to be talking to you, not her. I don't think you'll ever be three happy campers because of what happened and you have no obligation to be friends, although you may be civil toward her, maybe just for the friendship you have with Sal. You don't have to be a fool. Be cautious. You know what you are doing. I wish you all the best

Answer 2

I'm angry just from reading this! Don't go looking for trouble; trouble will find you just fine. Sal's got some gall to ask you to forgive Jo for the betrayal. In my opinion, Sal's not your friend at all. It doesn't matter that Jo wasn't the one who initiated the affair or not, it takes 2 to tango so she's at fault too. Infact Jo being a woman should have known better than to sleep with your man. I wouldn't see Sal either because sooner or later Sal is going to find a way to weasel Jo back into your life and if your husband sees Jo again, who knows what will happen when those memories come rushing back at him again. Don't get too comfy sitting back on your laurels; once a cheater, always a cheater; keep that it mind.

Answer 3

Of course I'd feel angry, but there comes a point when you just need to let go of things in the past. You enjoy the present much more when you don't let past events hang over you. You will probably never be a good friend of Jo's again, but that's no reason you cannot be civil to her, hopefully forgiving in the end. After all, she can't hurt you now. You have a your man and baby and a strong relationship. Also for Jo's sake. She probably wants to move past this as well.

Answer 4

Yes, I would feel some twinges of anger, and they would probably be exacerbated by Sal's attempts to make me feel otherwise. Realistically once you find yourself in that situation, (that is, in close proximity with her), you will probably over time find something you like about her, you'll probably eventually discuss the incident, and you may even develop a friendship of sorts...all of these things are within the realm of possibility and some are even more likely to happen than not. But it's unrealistic and counter-productive for your friend Sal to expect you to plan for that eventuality...that's not what people who have been hurt do. Taking things one step at a time, allowing things to develop naturally and without pressure is the better way to go. (I mean, who wants to feel victimized by the same situation twice?) Try to explain that to Sal. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I wouldn't just feel angry but downright hostile. Well congratulations to you for being mature enough to forgive your fiance and attempt to move on from his betrayal. I think you friend must be a little soft headed to believe you should try to befriend "Jo" in any way, shape or form. In fact, asking you to even come and visit is pretty far fetched and ridiculous. HELLO! Takes two to tango. Innocent? What a jack a*s statement! I would try to find another "Best friend" if I were you. Good luck. UGH.

Answer 6

Um yeah! I wouldn't want to be friends with Jo either!! You cannot be FORCED to be friends with anyone. That is a personal CHOICE. If you are required to be friends with Jo to visit Sal at home, then I'd say, forget Sal or tell her that you don't want to be friends with Jo and meet outside of her home. No one says you have to be friends to everyone.

Answer 7

yes i would be angry and i wouldnt bother trying to be friends w/ jo cuz she slept w/ ur man KNOWING that he was TAKEN. so obviously she has no dignity. in fact i'd get rid of sal too for even suggesting that u become friends, but maybe i have strict standards

Answer 8

Absolutely my dear, you have every right in the world to be angry. But remember, it takes two to tango. And from my life experience, it is better to forgive so it won' t eat you up inside. Anger is a very destructive emotion and believe me, it will fester. Nothing good can come of harboring a grudge. What's past is past, forgiving is one thing, but forgetting is quite another.

You don't have to resume the friendship, but I would be civil. But that's just me.

I wish you luck with your dilemma and enjoy your day!

Answer 9

i probably would have been mad when i found out but now that u do have a awsum relationship and a child with your fiance i would just try to forget about it not only to make other people happy but yourself too you wouldent have to worry about it s much when you had hung out wit hyour friend and jo together or just being there =]

Answer 10

if jo is really sorry and felt bad SHE would talk to you about forgiving her not Sal