Can our marriage last?

Question

My husband and I met when we were 18 and married at 23. He graduated with his BS and I continued through med school. We were quite happy together until about 1 yr ago when we both started working excessively and spent less time together (27yrs). At this time I started spending time with one of my co-residents (30y/o) who was also married with 2 small children. My co-worker and I began to fall in love with each other and had an emotional affair which led to a physical affair. We have great chemistry, are very similar and both feel like we got married and met our spouses so young. He wants me to leave my husband; I do not have children so we can get married. I know he loves me but I am just scared b/c I do not want to regret it since people say once a cheater always a cheater. We are both doctors and our spouses are not so we feel we connect. Also, we have had intercourse in the past 6 months more than 250 times so our sexual chemistry is amazing. Please advise me on what I should do.

I know what I did was wrong. I don't think things will work with my husband and I want out and he wants out from his wife. We both married young before 25 yrs old which usually ends in divorce. I feel terrible about his wife and children. My question is if anyone has ever heard of marriages succeeding from 2 affairs since both of us are now older and wiser.
Thanks

Answer 1

Get a divorce. You obviously do not still love your husband if you can enter a physical and emotional relationship with someone else, especially a married man.

It is not fair to either man to stay married. Your husband deserves the right to find someone who will love and feel about him the way you do about the doctor.

Also, are you comfortable knowing you are taking another man away from his wife and family? That is something you should think about because it can weigh heavily on your mind.

Good Luck

Answer 2

You and your husband lost part of your connection when you started working excessively and spent less time together. That puts a great strain on a relationship, but it can be fixed. Right now, you can choose to go to counseling with your husband. Find out what made you want to cheat on him and see if you can rebuild your relationship. You two obviously had some kind of chemistry and enough in common to make it last this long. If you want your marriage to work, you need to focus on your husband.

You may feel a special connection and bond to the other guy which is natural; especially if you spend more time with him than your husband. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking this person is the one. The sex may be great, but it could also be because it's forbidden and secret. What else do you have in common besides your job and sex?

You say that he wants you to leave your husband...what about him leaving his wife? A lot of cheaters say this and one ends up divorced and the other one stays married. Don't end your marriage because this guy asked you to.

Answer 3

I must be honest.

Number one, it is highly unlikely that you are in love at this point, you are infatuated and are having sex (a lot, more than daily).

Number two, you are trying to justify what you know is wrong. That is why you are giving the little stories about what you have in common. I would guess that you have a lot in common with your husband, that you haven't mentioned.

The part about not having kids so you can get married, I don't get it because he has two children.

I would highly suggest reading the book "His Needs, Her Needs" by Will Harley. In it there are a number of situations identical to yours.

What is most alarming about the whole thing is that you say "Once a cheater always a cheater", but you don't seem to view yourself as a cheater.

The last thing is that all of this might not matter. I don't know if your husband will want to stay with you if you've had intercourse over 250 times with another man.

Answer 4

So in your study of human beings haven't you studied childhood development? You said the man you are having an affair with has 2 small children. Didn't you learn anywhere that you have become the biggest threat to their happiness and success in life? Why do your own unborn/non-real children matter to you? Don't you realize that is a major sign? Women are biologically territorial. If you are already thinking about your own unreal children before two potentially real stepchildren who's lives you are about to completely ruin, what does that tell you? You are a doctor. Why? for the money? or does having power over peoples lives give you a thrill, because it certainly doesn't sound like you want to help people.

Answer 5

You are here asking what you should do when you really already know the answer. You should have never started the affair, and you should defiantly end it. What I guess you don't realize it that you will be directly responsible for ruining the lives of two small children. You and your lover should be ashamed. Just because you are working long hours and spending less time with your spouse doesn't justify an affair.
For someone with so much education, you sure don't seem very smart, or compassionate. I hope you are never my doctor!!

Answer 6

There is nothing to do. The damage is done. I dont see how this marriage can be saved. As far as the relationship with the co-resident, if he has a wife and cheated on her with you, what makes u thing he will be completed committed to u. This man loves the thrill. Hes having his cake and eating it too. there is about 240 days in six months and u guys had sex 250 times, what does that say to u? To me it says u made a big mistake. u should have just told ur husband u didnt want to be married.

Answer 7

JACKIE CAN YOU HEAR ME?
When you got married you never thought of the what if's and how come's. You loved your husband and you still do,, but you are trifling and careless and are trying to find any excuse to leave.
No kids- Have some
Not a doctor, but a wonderful husband.
Sexual chemistry, please half the time you were reminiscing on you and your hubby.
Jackie S.
Right?
The S does not stand for stubborn, selfish, or stupid.
It stands for satisfied, solid, and supportive.
The only way your marriage will survive is if you are willing to fight for it. Imagine how you two would feel if you found out that your signifiacnt others were cheating on you as well with one another?
Jackie, I know you don't want to be this person, but do you know that you are now a mistress a homewrecker a fluzzy the woman you downtalke din your teens the girl you were ready to smack when she was trying to get with your husband before and while you got married.
GET IT!!! Grow up Jackie!!! To be a doctor you are dumb as earth...............STD's.

Answer 8

You're in a big trouble my dear, its true that once a cheater will always be a cheater...weigh things over before jumping into divorce, i wonder why people could easily get into divorce once the relationship turns sour after a couple years of being together when in it should be the two of you - your husband - talked to each other and resolved the situation for the love of each other's sake, if the cause of your marriage to turns upside down its because of lack of time for each other, then give time if thats the problem..you cannot resolved a problem if your solution is a problem too... And with regards to your feeling of that other person - sorry to say this but what you feel for him is not love - you only think of it as love because he was
with you all the time - and remember if you have given your time to your husband since your the woman, that love or chemistry your talking would have been for your husband alone if you where with him right at this very moment...but since you have allowed yourself to be tempted of this guy your falling with because of the time you have spent for each other - you have become dishonest to your husband and ruining a family with children - pity on the children my dear...how would you feel if your the wife with children and your husband is cheating on you and leaving you for another woman? its painful but more painful on the children because of you being the mistress of their father...i don't think your relationship would last if your basis or foundation of love is about lust. you cheated your husband and that guy your with cheated her wife all for the reason that those husband of yours or his wife could not give time - what if you'll be again separated because of work and be with again with another co-resident - and fall in love again? love was never defined with that kind of scenario and neither marriage which God had blessed for the two couple to be as one and divorce and divorce again?...and with regard to your sexual chemistry - you have found it amazing of course since you have not done it with your husband because of lack of time...it would have been more amazing if you did it with your husband dear and you will never be able to count all those time you did it with your spouse...i don't think the man your with will not cheat again, he cheated her wife, someday he cheat again for you...fear karma or rather what you sow is what you will reap...

use your head...your a doctor you know how to weigh things..
don't resolve it because of lust...lust ruins everything especially YOU.


though shalt not covet thy neighbors husband/wife...though shalt not covet adultery...

Answer 9

Well, my husband is a police officer, so does that mean he is going to connect with another police officer? I think it was really crappy of you to cheat on your husband. He probably has no idea how unhappy you are and is probably willing to try to work it out. Why didn't you end it before it got physical? I bet while you were cheating on him (250 times) you didn't feel one once of remorse. Tell him, hurt him and let him begin to deal with this. He deserves better than you.

Answer 10

First you are a home wrecker, he is married with 2 kids and you want to destroy the kids life. you and your husband are working a lot but yet you can find time to **** another man, why don't you put the same energy to get your husband to **** you. He wants you to leave your husband so you can be his mistress.