This is the 2nd time to ask...?

Question

I've got a small problem with my husband, which I think in the long run will become a bigger much annoying issue.
Everytime we get into an argument he automatically brings up an ex's name or guy friends name. These people have nothing to do with our marriage let alone what the topic of argument is about.
At first, I just thought it's an insecurity thing and explained to him how I don't appreciate him talking about other men who have nothing to do with our current marriage.
But now it's just flat out annoying on how often he mentioned other men to the point where I don't want to see my husbands face and completely isolate myself in our bedroom while he's downstairs.
I'm sick of trying to argue about this issue b/c it's pointless. WHy would I try and explain how I feel when my freakin' husbands just going to mention it again in a week or 2.
Keep in mind, I've never cheated or lied to my husband!!!
Help me out here with my sanity, what can I do or say to stop this issue???

Answer 1

I don't care what your husband may have told you in the past, but he resents your ex and your male friends. He is insecure and he feels inferior to the other men in your life. For whatever reason, he doesn't feel as important to you as they are. This can be real or imagined, but he is deeply hurt over this. Any conflict that you have with him is going to result in him telling you what hurts him the most. He needs some individual therapy.

Answer 2

I am a little confused by your post but here goes anyhow, assuming the ex is your former BF/husband and the other men are former beaus of yours. Your husband has self-esteem issues and needs to get help, and as a couple you need to learn to argue about the real issues. His insecurity is going to kill your relationship if he can not get control of his behavior. The arguments that you are having are about much larger issues in your marriage and those issues need to be discussed or the will just feed his insecurities.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Sounds like he doesn't want to deal with the issue at hand and wants to blame whatever the problem is, on some other man, preferably one of your ex's. Sounds like marriage counseling would be a great idea for you two. Then he would have to face the fact of what he does and explain it to not only you but to the therapist and also explain his reasoning. If it's not because you cheated on him, then why?? Is he insecure....??? You need to dig further before he digs himself into a hole in the backyard - LOL. Hope it all works out.

Answer 4

Maybe couples therapy will help. At least that way, you can get to the root of his obvious issues and then work on them together. If he won't go then just walk away from him when he brings someone up. It is difficult to get the rise you want out of a person who refuses to stand by and listen to your stupid ranting. Whenever you start yelling about that and trying to defend yourself, you lose sight of the issue and have allowed him to act more like a jealous 7th grader instead of a man. When you are both a bit more level headed, go back and reopen the original issue.

Answer 5

Ok so here is the truth... I used to do the same thing to my husband ( then boyfriend) that your husband does to you. But.. the names I mentioned had to do with the situation we were arguing about. He told me that it was very aggravating and childish of me to do so , I knew this but i just had this trust issue ( he never lied or cheated as far as i know) eventually we started to distance apart. i didn't like it so i just got over my trust issues, stop bringing up the ex's names b/c I realized they had nothing to do with our relationship. I was stupid. But now all is good i have no more issues and we rarely argue. But that is just me. Good luck.

Answer 6

My husband does the same exact thing. Anytime that we get into an argument he brings up what happened between my exhusband and I. He says stuff like well I could be like him how would you like that. I have given up on trying to get him to stop and don't pay any attention to it anymore.

Answer 7

When you start to argue with your husband, tell him that this is about you and him and noone else. and that being married and arguing is a fact of life, try to really listen to what he is saying and he most likely will give you the same respect. calmy speak about whatever's bothering either of you, raising your voices will only add fuel to the fire. hope that helps.

Answer 8

I think he has an issue with seeign you with any other man..so he tries to constantly remind you ...and he he remembers when you guys are fighting because that is when he is very insecure...so what you need to do is show him that you are the only man in your life and that you love him. I'm sure he will understand so don't worry that much.

Answer 9

Sounds to me as if he's trying to provoke you into giving he a legitimate excuse to divorce you.

When anyone who is essentially a rational person, begins to behave irrationally, it is a subterfuge being employed to arrive at an unannounced but nevertheless intended goal that goes against their moral grain.

In other words, he's unhappy with your marriage and wants out, but can't bring himself to face this reality; and is instituting this devious means to achieve his subconscious goal that is unacceptable to his consious mind.

I may be way off base, but that's what it sound like to me.

Wake up,

Wotan

Answer 10

what ever you two are argueing about must bother him and he's bringing up your old male friends to try and hurt you like he's hurting try asking him can the two of you have a seriously calm conversation about the issue and only the issue at hand