i have a serious life question?

Question

for all my older friends?my best friend is 60 and just told me today that she is leaving her fellow of 20 years for a female, i was floored,i dont know how to react?i have many new gay elder friends as of late.is this a comman thing for people when they get older to change their curret life style for a different one.[a gay life style].how do i tell her i still am her best friend no matter what she feels she needs in her life at this time?she meet this new woman at the grocer store.what is your opinion on the subject. thanks

Answer 1

I asked a question on the site for gays etc "why is it that it seems to take so many women so long to "discover" they are gay. while guys seem to know right away?" I think society puts a lot of expectations and pressure on women to "conform" and get married and have a family - and a tom boy is pretty well accepted by society, and not seen as an oddity, not in the last 100 years or so

I think its cool and if she has found real love and happiness then even better.

I have a lot of gay friends, honestly I dont even think about their preferences, if I am not sexually or romantically involved with any of them then what difference can it possibly make to our friendship? We are still the same people, and in reality you have already had years of friendship with a gay woman, you just didnt know she was gay -

Answer 2

Hi ! Well being a boomer, in my early 50's, and having known and still know many older people I would say that it is not a common thing for older people to do. Perhaps she felt this way all her life but due to the society she didn't dare come out till now. If she is your very good friend, just ask her why. Tell her you still love her no matter what just as you said above. My opinion is that living a gay life style is not acceptable to God, in fact it is a great sin, so I would pray for her. But that is just me. LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR that just because I don't think it is right to live this way doesn't mean I don't have gay friends that I love, and PRAY for!

Answer 3

Just continue to be her friend. Maybe she has felt that way a long, long time and finally had to courage to be open about it. Just tell her that you are surprised. Nothing wrong with stating that. You already stated what you need to say to her. "I am still your best friend no matter what you feel you need at this time."

I just stated what you said in context of the way you can say it to her.

Of course, you were floored. Sounds like she needed a change and finally found her true partner.

I have no opinion one way or the other. At our ages, people need to be happy. If this makes her happy, then great.

Answer 4

I don't think that it is common but it is not uncommon either. Perhaps with age people just get to the point that they are tired of pleasing everyone else and start pleasing themselves and stop worrying or caring what others think.
You can let her know that you are still her friends by not acting any different. Call her, talk to her and be her friend. And if her relationship gets serious be accepting of her new ''friend'' also

Answer 5

As friends are friends no matter what you need to be supportive as you can. This cannot be an easy thing for her either and she will need you too. Just hope she does not get hurt or regret her decision. Have not heard anything about a trend so to speak. Also feel sorry for her expartner here.

Answer 6

I think it was probably a very hard decision for your friend to make. You are right in that it is best for both of you if you don't let this change affect how you treat each other. Being a good friend means accepting the changes that each of you go through, and supporting them no matter what.

Answer 7

Contrary to popular belief, one doesn't CHOOSE to be gay all of a sudden. Being gay is hot wired to you when you are born. So she may have for many decades been hiding her feelings for females because of society's attitudes towards lesbians and gays.

what you said in your question is the best thing you could possibly say to your friend and her new companion. Everyone likes to know that their friends will support them and still be there for them no matter kinds of life decisions they make.

Answer 8

I think it is very important that you tell your friend how you feel and that you support her and that she is your best friend no matter what.
Many people reach 60 and realize that they want more out of their life and are ready to "go for it". They are no longer worried about what others will think. Being 60 is very liberating!

Answer 9

Just think how it wasn't so easy for those in our age group to be what they really are, because it simply wasn't accepted back then. Too bad so many people had to live their lives doing what society expected of them, and not truly what was in their hearts. Just be there for your friend as you always have...nothing has changed about that. And if she has a tough time with others accepting her choices, then she'll have you there to support her.

Answer 10

She did not get to be the age she is with your help so far. Just be there for her, do not judge her and let her live her life. If she was very young, my advice would be different.