To Married Men Who Have Cheated & Are Still With Their Wife?

Question

Do you view your wife as being stupid or foolish or easy to deceive when she forgave you? My husband tells me that I am the best wife anyone could ever have to still love him after he did such a terrible thing. Just wondering how the MEN feel about their wife.

Please no smart alec remarks; want honest answers from real men who have actually remained in their marriage and wondering if their feelings are any different about their wife now. Thank you

Well - it has been 1.5 years since it happened; so the 6 month theory is out.

And, yes I do trust him to go out alone and I don't worry about him doing it again. It was a one night stand; not a big romance, though that doesn't make it right.

Just want to know what the guys feel about a wife who does forgive and continues to love him.

Answer 1

no i dont view her as stupid, i actualy can't see how she took me back, after what i did on her, it still bother,s me why she took me back because if i think about it, if the shoe was on the other foot how would i like it , and i think to myself i wouldnt like it 1 bit, i had no need to cheat on her and yet i did it, it happened so easy so simple, i didnt even see it comming my feelings have changed towards my wife doe,s she still love me the way she did or is it a front she,s putting on, so we will just have to wait n see,

Answer 2

I know you are looking for men to answer this question truthfully and honestly.... But I don't think most men would have the guts to answer this completely honestly. I've been in your shoes, forgave once, everything was fine, forgave again, then fine again....let's put it this way three strikes you're out. I am very happy after going through the worst years of my life. What you need to realize is that wether you forgive or not, he is capable of cheating. He can and has done it. You will always have to live with that in the back of your mind.

Don't get me wrong, people can make mistakes and I can understand trying to work it out the first time, but if there is a second time, no use waiting for the third and fourth, etc. No need wasting your time trying to fix something that will continue when you can use that time to find someone who will be faithful to you and you alone. Watchful eye, self-respect and don't lie to yourself.

Answer 3

Kudos to you!
I've once been in the situation where i had forgiven my ex-boyfriend for cheating on me. I wish I wouldn't have b/c the trust was so hard to rebuild, and 3 rocky years later and several other emotional slaps in the face, we broke up.
It's extremely difficult to rebuild trust that has been lost, after all it is the foundation of every healthy relationship.
After that experience, I promised myself to never ever stay with a man who would choose to cheat on me (whether drunk or not) there is no excuse for it, whether physically or emotionally attached, cheating is cheating;period.
Life's to short to waste time on someone who obviously doesn't know your worth. And yes you can forgive, but that thought/idea will always linger in the back of your mind or maybe even his.
I am now married to another man, but even with the love shared b/n my husband and myself, even with any investments or children, he knows as well as myself, that cheating is unaccceptable and equals divorce. I would rather be alone than with bad company.
Good luck!

Answer 4

If he loves you, he doesn't think you're stupid. He thinks you're forgiving, and that you love him very much. It's normal to doubt your decision, but there are situations where couples can get over an affair. The important thing for you to remember is that if you forgive him, you mean it. You can't throw it back in his face until the end of time. On the other hand, don't let him get away with it a second time! Best of luck.

Answer 5

The fact that there was alcohol behind it, does not mean you are totally in control of your emotions. Sexual arousal involves feelings, sentimental affection; it is not separated.

For your spouse or boyfriend to gain your trust again, two main issues will have to be observed:
His full understanding of what he did, even if alcohol was involved, and this, he honestly repents (the argument of alcohol is a dumb excuse).
You undertake to forgive him, but based on true love and not interest or pity or security he might offer you.

Some honest talking is necessary in order for you to recover full trust.

Good luck !!!

Answer 6

Oh Pussycat. I been on the other end of this. Yes, he knows he gotten away with it. He most likely will be a good little boy for about six months until the next hot trick comes along.

Here is a question for you: Can you ever trust him to go out alone again? What goes through your head when he not home in the evening? Do you want to live with these doubts?

Answer 7

My husband cheated as well. Scripture tells us that we are to forgive 70 x 7... forgiving is one thing, rebuilding that trust is another.

My husband has told many he is thankful I forgave him, and that he almost threw away the best thing in his life.

Answer 8

I'm not married, but I did stay with my boyfriend after he cheated on me last year. I forgave him because there was no emotion behind the cheating, just alcohol! In my mind, an emotional affair is far worse than a physical one. If he'd actually fallen for someone else, and not just had one stupid night, then I'd have found it a lot harder, but his commitment and love for me far overrides the physical moment he had with her.

Answer 9

I'm a woman, but I had my hubby and his friends give me the answer to this question....two of them agreed that he thinks he got away with it and he will do it again. My hubby himself said who cares as long as he treats you good and you have forgiven him. As long as he doesn't do it again, then you should move on. Good Luck hun!

Answer 10

male here no you cant i was married now divorced once this happens you know deep down in you never forget or forgive them either my honest opion?