Am I being silly?

Question

My boyfriend has a female friend, and for some reason I feel threatened by her. I'm not usually insecure and would not call myself the "jealous" type. It's just this one girl in particular whose relationship with him bothers me. I was ignoring it, until I checked out her myspace page and my boyfriend wrote her a comment about how beautiful she is under one of her pictures. Should I ask him about it, and if so how? I don't want to appear insecure.

I should also mention that I don't think he's physically cheating on me....the girl lives in Florida and we live in Pennsylvania. But it does bother me that they seem to have some sort of "emotional connection". They talk all the time!

Answer 1

I have a female best friend from high school 45 yrs ago, and my wife has a male bf from college. These best friends caused some uncertainty in our marriage. Then we went on vacation to the state where her friend lived and I met him, his wife, and kids. I saw them talking and laughing, but no sexual sparks. BTW, his wife was even more suspicious than I was. We became friends as couples. The same thing happened when my friend came to our city and we had her and her family out to dinner. When the unknown became known, the mystery and suspicions were gone. My wife learned a lot about my high school life from my friend and even teases me about it. Try asking your boyfriend about his Florida friend. Don't accuse him of anything, just ask where they met, what about her makes her a friend, etc. You might learn some things about your boy friend.

Answer 2

You don't sound silly at all. Acutally very smart!

Sounds like you are listening to your gutt feelings, which are usually right on the button.

I doubt that he would be honest if he "did have an emotional affair" going on. This is kind of hard because if you ask him about it then he will think that you are just being jealous or you don't trust him.

In my opinion...cheating, whether it is pysical or emotional, is cheating.

Something to think about for sure.

Good luck.

Answer 3

this is a fine line on what YOU are comfortable with. and being married, i have come up with my own theory.
a married man showed never pay any attention to any female unless he is giving his wife 50 times more attention of that same equation. example, leaving her a myspace comment saying she is beautiful...he should be licking your feet everyday and worshiping the ground you walk on. if he buys a coworker breakfast, he should be taking you to breakfast 10 times as often. if he calls a female friend, he should be indulged in conversations with his wife for hours at a time. hopefully you get my point.
asking" so do you think i'm way hotter then her" isn't being insecure. it's about what you look like to him.

Answer 4

you're not insecure, and you're right about the emotional connection between the two. But, it's really nothing you can do about it, only time will allow you to see the truth in this situation. It could be that they will stay friends or ........ What does your gutt tell u? listen and most likely you know the answer. Keep your eyes and ears open.

Answer 5

It's not really all that uncommon for men to have female best friends...and if you know anything about best friends, you know that they usually have a very strong, very emotional connection...kind of like family.
If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel and why. Be rational and honest and talk it through and things will work out :)

Good luck!

Answer 6

I would tell him about it. If he gets angry at you for questioning him then something is up . An emotional connection is worse than a physical one in my opinion. Just say, "I found this on her myspace. Do I have anything to worry about?" It's all in his reaction. You have every right to ask.

Answer 7

someone doesnt have to be physically cheating on you to make you feel the way you do, emotional cheating is just as hard to deal with, the attention he is giving her should be the attention he is giving you its not about jealousy, its about respect and love and if he really was committed to you then he would not be doing this to you.
It all comes down to what you are willing to put up with in your life, you can either chose to be with someone who is making you feel less that who you are or you can chose to find someone who will give you the love and respect you deserve,
good luck

Answer 8

Talk to him that is the best ting you can do and she is in florida don't worry about it so much go out to dinner and tell him hey we have been together for sometime and you know me but I have a question for you I feel weird asking you this but what kind of relationship do you have with this girl I mean i know you are with me but I have been feeling a little weird latley becuase of her. You talk to her more then you talk to me please I want to know becuase I do not think it is right you need to get your feelings out there.

Answer 9

His compliment isn't necessarily anything to worry about. His appreciation of another's woman's beauty doesn't mean he holds you in comparison, or that he feels any less towards you, or that he has any romantic/sexual intent towards her at all.

You need to ask yourself if you trust him. Would he cheat on you? Would their close connection bother you or seem inappropriate if she was a male, or he was a female?

If it still really bothers you, talk to him about it, but address it as *your* problem and something he needs to be considerate of, not *his* misdemeanor that demands his repentenance.

Answer 10

you know, as women- there are alot of things that will make us feel insecure- question is- do we really want them to know that? what if you told him that- and he told her....?
did they date in the past?
i have trouble believing that this friendship will go away- try and deal- I wouldn't attempt to infringe on it- it may make him feel controlled.
he's got to decide what is appropriate behavior for a "taken" guy to have with a female friend. If it ever seems innappropriate to you- beyond just talking innocently- then I'd bring it up.
Good luck.........