Women - how do you view sex in your relationship?

Question

Is it for control ?
Is it a reward ?
Is it of no interest to you ?
Do you view it as a chore / obligation ?
Is it your man's job to initiate or is this a mutual responsibility?
Who usually starts things?
Is it for mutual satisaction?

Please answer and add how LONG you've been married AND if you have children or not....

Just interested to know if there is a correlation with length of a relationship (and addition of kids) and how a gal views (or how her views) have changed over time....

Thanks in advance....

Answer 1

it is a pleasure and never used as a tool. I wouldn't cut off my own nose to spite my face, if you get my drift. we have no children together, but I have 3 grown and he has an unseen teen.

Answer 2

1. It's not for control...although sometimes being in control can be fun.

2. It's not a reward...but it can be rewarding after a rough day.

3. It interests him probably more than me these days. It wasn't always like that though. I'm far more interested when we're ALONE!

4. It's only a chore if I'm not in the mood. If I just flat out don't want it, he won't get any.

5. We both initiate...I mean, if neither of us did it, we'd NEVER get any!

6. He usually starts it.

7. It's DEFINITELY for mutual satisfaction, but I have been known to give in when I didn't really feel like it. I ended up winning in the end because it made it that much better!

We have been married for 10 years, together for 12. We have 3 children.

Sex has definitely changed post partum. But it's still good after all these years!

Answer 3

1. No, it is not for control
2. No, it is not a reward
3. It is of great interest to me
4. I have never viewed it as a chore/obligation
5. I think it is a mutual responsibility. If you are in the mood, you should feel comfortable enough with your spouse to initiate it.
6. I almost always initiated. Sex is pretty rare now. You can only be turned so much
7. I think it is for mutual satisfaction. Certainly there are times when one person or the other may be more satisfied.

Married 12 years, no children.

Answer 4

1. It has nothing to do with control.

2. It's not a reward.

3. It's of some interest to me, but not on the forefront of my mind; it is of very little interest to my husband.

4. It's not a chore or an obligation, as it happens very rarely. It would be a chore if it was something that happened daily, or very often.

5. It's no one's "job" to initiate.

6. If I don't "start things", it won't happen. So, if I feel like it, I initiate it - not because it's a "job", but because it's something I feel like doing.

7. I don't know what it's for. I'm still not sure what my husband gets out of it, if anything. Most of our relationship satisfaction comes from sources that have nothing to do with sex.

Married just over a year, together for almost 3 years, no kids.

Answer 5

How do I view it? Through a peephole in the closet...LOL No, seriously:
1) Is it for control? Only if he's into "control" ...for that particualr monent. Sex isn't to be used in any form of manipulation.
2) Is it a reward? Sure! On occasion, I enjoy surprising him with a little special something. For no reason at all, it can be a reward on both parts. But not used only to be rewared for "good behavior."
3) Is it of no intrest to me? Only if I have pure distain for my partner or there is something else going on with me, physically.
4) Is it a chore or an obligation? A chore, no. An obligation, yes, in a sense. It's my obligation if I am in fact married. But this in no way means that I don't enjoy it, myself.
5) Is it the man's job to initiate? No. More often than not, I prefer him to initiate, as it makes me feel wanted, though.
6) Who usually starts things? Me. We usually start kissing and I can't keep my hands to myself and I tend to wake him early for whoopie... Once I woke him up 2 hours after he was asleep and tried to convince him it was 7AM so we could work sex in before he had to leave for work. He fell back to sleep...
7) Is it for mutual satisfaction? Yes. But I've been married to someone with whom I had sex only because I knew he would appreciate it. I wasn't attracted to him because after a while, he became a mean-spirited person and unkind to me. But we still serviced our bodies.
I've been married three times. These answers are par for the course regarding all three marriages. Married 2 years; 2 years and 5 years. I have a child. Children can be difficult to deal with sometimes; they cry and interrupt you when you're trying to have some "alone time" but if you're smart enough, you can work around these things. It was difficult when she was a baby; we just waited until she went to sleep. When she could walk, she tried to come in our bedroom. You just have to be sneaky and sent the kids to the sitter, sometimes!

Answer 6

I was just recently married to my husband, however, we've been together for 7 years. We also are currently expecting our first child (4 months pregnant). When it comes to our sex life, believe it or not, we're like rabbits. Still, after all this time. We enjoy each other in all aspects of life, and I couldn't imagine things to be any different. It's no chore, no obligation, no power trip. We mutually initiate it, and we encourage each other to share fantasies and desires- we make sure that we each get what we want. Sex should be a beautiful thing that is shared, not a tool or a duty.

Answer 7

I've been checking out your questions and answers. You are really trying to figure her out aren't you? Good luck my friend, it's a long and painful road.

A few tips for you;

Don't expect her reasoning to make sense logically. It will have more to do with emotion and how she feels.

Don't expect her to be consistent in her reasoning or point of view. Complete dichotomies seem perfectly reasonable to the emotional thinker.

Don't expect her to tell you the truth about anything, especially how she feels or her opinion. What she says will be intended in some strange way to make you feel one way or the other. They do not view truth as an actual thing like we do. They will tell you something totally false and not see it as a lie because "they didn't want to hurt your feelings" or "They don't feel that way any more" and so on.

When you finally figure it all out, you will realize that love or not you are truly alone in the world, and you'll be terribly tempted to give in to the dark side. The level of partnership of the soul that you thought was the way it's supposed to be is a male battle loyalty type thing that doesn't exist on the other side of the gender fence. If you don't believe, just look at how mean girls are to each other and how quickly they change loyalties.

email me if you want some ideas for getting to the bottom of things or to discuss it further. I feel your pain, although sex has never really been the problem around here.

Good luck

Answer 8

After five years of marriage, sex is still important to me and no, we currently do not have any children. Some days, I can take it or leave it...Others, I'm demanding or rejecting it. Before marriage, I had the false impression that married people have a lot of sex. Well, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. It fluctuates. Also, sex is an important part of marriage. Before marriage, I thought this as well.

Children, however, deprive you of your sleep and free time. Parents, especially those of young children, look forward to personal time because they don't get much of it. Many moms can only dream of taking a bath without any interruptions. Some just want to be left alone...Kids consume the majority of their time and energy. Unfortunately, five minutes of sex seems like a strenuous task after you've been running after everyone else all day. .

Answer 9

well im pretty sure ur sex life is much better without kids b/c there is room for spontaneity and exploration. Well i dont have sex with my man for control, but i love being in control in the act of it and he loves it too. Dont really view it as a reward but when he does something nice or special for me, ill give it to him b/c i think he deserves it. I love our sex life. Dont ever feel obligated, he's not that kinda guy thatll leave if he dont get it, he respects me too much. Not always his job to initiate, both partners should initiate. Yes, it is for mutual satisfaction, he always wants to please me and vice versa. We have been in a dating relationship for like 4 1/2 years now.

Answer 10

I've been with my current boyfriend for about a year. (No kids, obviously.)

Anyway, none of the choices you list apply to me. I love having sex, it is definitely for mutual satisfaction, and I initiate sex more often than he does. (And it's not his "job" to initiate it--if the other partner never seems interested, then sex is a lot less appealing.)

That said, I DO think that sex is an obligation--but not just for the woman. Both partners should do their best to fulfill the other's sexual needs, and if they can't or won't, then it might be time to move on.

Answer 11

I've bin married for over 1 year now. It's not a chore it's not a power trip I hate those girls that do that. I and we both instigate it mostly me and yes its a mutual satisfaction deal :) I love being with him hes dam good. and I could picture life with out him