telling my roommate that im leaving?

Question

I moved in with an old highschool friend in august. We signed separate year leases. The apartment is TINY without any common area outside of a tiny kitchen, and i have an 8x8 room. Such little space would make it hard to live with even the perfect roomie, which this girl is NOT. Without getting into details, its bad enough that I want out. I found a new place, and i want to move out a little before jan.
How do i tell this girl that im leaving? Ive already tried getting her to look into getting a bigger place with me, but she doesnt want to be bothered right now. Its her first time living away from home, and she doesnt have any friends in this city except for me. For years she's been going on about how I'm the "perfect roomie" and how she's so happy, but I'm miserable. We're on separate leases, so if i leave she wont have any problems rentwise. I know she'll still feel abandoned. How do I break it to her gently, and perhaps preserve the friendship?

I didn't clarify before: the place i found is a bedroom in a bigger 2 bed with another person, so she wouldn't be able to come with me. Not that i would want her to, she really is terrible to live with. I pity the person who has to live with her next.

we rent from a condo owner, and I'm on very friendly terms with her. She will likely understand why i want to move out (as i've called the condo owner before to apologize for my roomie screaming at her, and she commiserated with me about how insane my roomie is when she comes off as so nice and quiet)

I've already given her countless chances to redeem herself since August. I usually spend almost half the week every week at my friend's place to get away from both the tiny apartment and my roomie. I've done pretty much all that I can, the only solution I can see now is moving out. But no matter how much she drives me crazy, i still care about her and dont want to hurt her.

Answer 1

Tell her what you just said above....be honest. I don't think you are being mean at all. I think you gave her a chance...to help look for a bigger place for both of you..but since she is not interested there's no reason you should have to stay where you are.

Answer 2

If you don't like her, don't get a bigger apartment, it will just mean you have more SPACE to dislike living with her.

Tell her directly that you're really flattered she likes you so much as a roommate but you feel the situation isn't the best for you and you need to look into another living arrangement. But you would love to remain friends with her and that you actually think not living together would make the friendship better since that way you wouldn't be on top of each other all the time (since she was a friend before moving in together this is most likely true).

The fact that she doesn't have any new friends after this amount of time is not your fault. Signing individual leases was the perfect thing to do because a situation like this can always arise. Suggest she look into a book club or take classes in some hobby she likes where she will meet other people like herself. Also offer to pay for half the cost of an ad advertising for a new roommate. Your personal peace of mind comes first. If you aren't healthy and happy, how can you help others to be the same?

Answer 3

Don't leave it any longer. You'll only make her feel let down and unhappy if you just move out.

You need to sit down and tell her that the apartment is too small for you and is getting you down. As she wouldn't look for a new place with you, you've started looking around and have found somewhere you think will work better for you.

Tell her that you value her friendship but you can't go on living where you are now. You can make sure you meet regulalrly, and maybe include her in some get-togthers with other friends so she can widen her circle a bit.

If the new place has any other vacancies, why not suggest again that she consider moving? Maybe if she knows you're going that will help to stir her out of her comfort zone. If you're both sharing with more people, or living as neighbours rather than roomies, she'll make more friends and your own friendship can thrive.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

Umm, how were you planning on getting out of YOUR lease?

If she is a friend, you should be able to tell her why you are unhappy. Give her a chance to make things right.

Make it a habit to go for a walk in a pretty area like a park to get a break from the small apartment.

If you still decide to leave, then tell your friend that you have found a bigger place for just yourself, but that you want to make a regular appointment to meet with her once or twice a week. Invite her to your new place to visit. Call her every other day also.

Answer 5

Well It's Kinda touchee situation I can see that and have been ibn Simular sittuations in my life so here is what I would suggest.
1 } the both of you find a time " Make time if you have too " and set down and just let this person know what is on your Heart and do it in a kind and friendly way " you will know what is best " and tur off the distractions and just have a Heart to Heart with your roomate And let them know that you will be there for them if the need help and MEAN IT? WHEN YOU SAY IT.
2} Find a bigger place that will suite the both of you with out going broke " keep in mind you will probally loose your deposit but if it can benifit the both of you then do it this way.

Answer 6

There will be hard feelings. I don't see a way to escape that, no matter how gentle you are in telling her you're leaving. The best thing is to be perfectly honest and up front with her, and emphysize how much you want to preserve your friendship... apologize for not being able to stay with her, and don't go into a whole lot of reasons why you want out... will only reinforce the negativity... just say you are too cramped, etc... make sure she doesn't take it personally... and that's usually what happens and why feelings get hurt. Let her know that you'll always be there for her, and by all means, mean it. Good luck.

Answer 7

Tell her that this amazing opportunity came along for the other place and, given your current living conditions (too small, too cramped, too much too often), you felt that you had to jump at this chance. Tell her that you want her to come over, help you move, spend time with you as much as possible but you simply have to move to seize this rare opportunity. Tell her that it's nothing to do with her. (It's a lame line but it may help). Tell her that the new location will provide you with (closer to work/school, gym, etc.) and that you are only moving your things and that you'll still continue to spend loads of time with her and at your old place. Then, I'd really not do any of those nice things and I'd revel in your new place come December. Good luck!

Answer 8

Sometimes, there is no easy answer. The most improtant aspect of anyone's life is if you are happy or not. (You always wake up and go to sleep with yourself.) My best advice is to reiterate that you need a bigger place, and tell her that you might have found one unless she is willing to start looking with you for a bigger place (assuming you wish to stay with her.) This way, the decision becomes hers and takes the burden of preserving the relationship off of your shoulders. Good luck with this!

Answer 9

Just explain to her how you feel and that she had her chance to get a bigger apartment with you. Just be honest and try and break it to her gently. Tell her that you'll still be there for her and in the end and everything.

Answer 10

Simply tell her the truth, that you are miserable in such a small place and you'd like her to move to a bigger apt. Then if she decides to stay, you'll still be friends!

Maybe copy your question here to her, it pretty much says it all...