How do I comfort my husband - his mom is really ill and I think dying.?

Question

I feel so helpless.

Answer 1

well, having gone through a similar situation last year with my father - and he passed away. I can tell you the best thing you can do for your husband is to be there for him emotionally and support him. Go with him to visit his mother as much as possible as if these are the last days, you will want to get in as much time as possible together.

Good luck with everything.

Answer 2

All you can do is tell him how much you love him and that you are there for him. Don't say you know how he feels unless you've been in his situation yourself, as that annoys and upsets people in a time of worry and grief!
A friend of mine lost a baby at 7 weeks old. She hated people saying that when they'd never lost a baby or child themselves!
Let him know you will listen to him when he wants, comfort him when he wants and you will do whatever you possibly can to help him through this and every time he needs!
Say it all the once and leave the rest up to him. Make him hot drinks, meals, iron his shirts, be strong for him, etc. Let him see that everything else around him is the same.
They're the best things you can do!

Answer 3

That is hard, my mother-in-law died April 25, 2007. Be there when he needs you, emotionally especially. Being still and peaceful helps, because a lot of noise is hard on the soul during these times.

Don't push him to talk, but be ready to listen when he is ready. Don't judge how he should act during this time, everyone handles grief differently. When my dad died, I couldn't cry like everyone else, but I did cry months later and have every since then whenever I think of him.

One thing that is important to know, losing a mother is something you will never get over. You heal to a certain point, but you will always miss her and need her. So, it's important to still be sensitive even a long time from now.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear the sad news. The best way is to be helpful and understanding of his situation. Help him with things he may not be able to handle on his own. Anything from making hospital arrangements to taking out the trash. Be understanding that he may not be emotionally available to you because he has another focus. Small things like holding his hand and kissing his head show you care and are there for him. Make sure he knows you are there if he wants to talk but don't push him. And last of all, don't pity him. It will only put down his spirits. I hope she feels better soon.

Answer 5

It's the little things that matter, like just taking care of things so he will have less stress in his life. Like the others said, just be there for him to talk to. Maybe go and see his mom and help him to care for her. My mom passed away last year and six months or so before was very stressfull and busy because I was helping to take care of her and my three kids and my husband helped alot just by making sure that things around the home were taken care of so I didn't have to and he was very understanding of my mood swings. So, his moods are probably going to be up and down, just know that it is not personal and I am very sorry for your family.

Answer 6

This is one of life's challenges. Just be with him and get him to express his emotions. My hubby and I both have elderly mothers who are 93 and 95. They could go at any time. We just visit and love them even though they seldom know who we are. It has happened gradually, so we have sort of adjusted to the inevitable. If your M-I-Law has just recently become ill, then I can see how that would be different. I bet you get some good answers on here. Most people who have lost parents, etc have an innate ability to help others going through loss.

Answer 7

Just be there for him, when he needs space give him some space, I just went through the process of losing my father to cancer, and my wife did a great job being able to deal with me throughout the last few months. Just let him know if there is anything that you can do, to tell you. I was pretty quiet and not too talkative. I hope everything goes well..

Answer 8

Just be there for him. Let him talk about her, let him cry, and let him get mad because she is dying and he will. Dont tell him not to worry because it sounds like you are trivializing his pain and worry. The main thing is be there for it all. I dont know how I would have gotten thru the times when my parents were dying without my husband. You have a rough road ahead but be strong and be there for him. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 9

Tell him that you love him and you want to help. you are ready to talk or hold his hand or be quite if he needs you to be. Tell him that you know that the mother child bond is a powerful one and you want him to know that your are here. After that, pray for him. Keep praying for him. Wait for him to tell you what he needs. Overlook any unusual behaviors such as being irritable. Have all of the patience in the world but allow him to grieve. My husband lost his mother several years ago. I let him know that I would do anything in the world for him. But I prayed and let God take over. Don't try to take the pain away because he need to grieve.

Answer 10

The Hospice centers offer a wealth of information to families of terminal patients. One pamphlet I read when my dad was dying offered insight into what was actually going on with him during his last days, i.e. physically, mentally and emotionally. Although his wife wasn't able to accept the inevitable, it gave me a sense of control to where I could be there for her with the new found understanding I had.