Legal and humanitarian advice please.?

Question

I have had a phone call from the wife of an ex-colleague, who is desperate and suicidal due to a catch 22 situation.
Her husband has had several strokes and is paralysed. He also suffers from progressive dementia. She has a condition akin to Parkinson's making her very shaky and unsteady on her feet, but has to nurse him in a second floor flat in which both are effectively prisonners. He kept sole control of his money and never shared an account with her. She is now paying for most things from the meagre earnings she made as an interpreter and is now running out of funds. Social services come twice a day to get him out/ into bed, but she has to manage everything else alone, from spoon-feeding him to cleaning continually due to his incontinence, and she can no longer lift him. He has a son from a previous marriage who lives in the USA but assumes no responsibility because he disapproved of the marriage. Otherwise they have no family, and their friends have melted away.

Her husband's money is administered by a solicitor who has power of attorney, and should reimburse her or settle bills but fails to do so. She gets frequent final demands and is at the end of her tether.
She no longer has the strength to cope, however they live in a relatively salubrious part of town and it is assumed that she has the funds to hire help, which she has not. Social services ignore her disabilities or exhaustion. Apparently when her husband was assessed, he had enough clarity of mind to say that "everything is fine as it is". The solicitor igores her pleas, her GP turns a blind eye to the situation. Since her husband is extremely articulate when lucid, she is not believed. Due to her condition her speech is slurred and she has a heavy foreign accent, which cause her to be ignored. She feels as if she is entombed alive. People hear his rantings and think he is being held indoors against his will..
Can anyone in the legal or caring professions suggest a way out of this?

I am not a close friend and I do not live in the same region. She rings me because I listen to her, and others do not. I suggested to her that she should try to get out of her flat and seek advice from a citizen's advice bureau, but she cannot even go down the stairs. The flat belongs to her husband who has left it to her in his will, but all the money will go to the son. She has no other source of income as she was born abroad and married him when she was forty.

She can no longer work as an interpreter and has not done so for several years as she has had to nurse him ever since the original stroke.

Thank you to all who have answered so promptly. I should have sqeezed into my first post the fact that there was more to come .
Dear Caicos, I was really hoping that you would be amongst advisers, and you have not let me down. Many thanks for the first suggestions.
No, the flat is not in joint names so she cannot raise money against it, though she knows for a fact that she will inherit it. The solicitor is, of all things, female and seems amazingly lax or too busy perhaps.
Hello Petit Chou, I am so sorry your mother has not improved and you have had to go through all this alone. Bless you for your sharing of your experience, and your advice.

Answer 1

Thank goodness they have you! Your friend is at the very least, I would have thought, entitled to a carer's allowance. It isn't very much, but it will make a difference. http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23069013/
As the husband suffers from dementia, it should be possible to apply for a guardianship order, which would enable the wife to have access to his funds for looking after him. http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/vob/alzheimers/information/financial_and_legal_arrangements.htm
I don't know how quickly this can be done, but there are details on the link of people to ask about it. I believe that an enduring power of attorney requires the consent of the husband and he's not going to give it.
I could weep at the thought of this poor woman having to run around in her condition and work as an interpreter, which inevitably requires a lot of standing about. I do wish her all the best and wish I could help more.

I have read the additional comments. The husband should have a geriatric mental health social worker, given his condition, who could help in various ways. The solicitor does not appear to be acting efficiently and perhaps a complaint should be lodged. Every solicitor is expected to operate a complaints handling procedure and perhaps this one could be jogged into a more efficient modus operandi before the threat of a formal complaint ibeing lodged. http://www.sra.org.uk/home.page.

Fighting the system is a nightmare and requires a certain amount of strength and mobility which this lady does not have. Presumably the property has not been placed in joint names and is simply something which she hopes to inherit. Otherwise she could have placed a charge on it and borrowed money that way. I don't hold out much hope (as the result of past experience) of getting anywhere by phoning the various charities.

I'll go on thinking.

Answer 2

Hi, above all this lady needs support. It is all very well giving well meaning advice, but she needs someone to sort the problems out for her. I am appalled at the actions of the solicitor and that would be the first problem area to sort out to enable this lady to get financial assistance, that she so desperately needs. If one of the carers from social services is approachable then perhaps something should be said to one of them. Really, the situation should be noted by the carers coming in and she should not be left to suffer like this. There must be a local law clinic or something along those lines who would be able to help in this situation. I hope that something is done sooner rather than later as this situation can only get worse.

Answer 3

Are you asking what can be done medically or domestically to help them?

They must be under the care of a GP. Is s/he aware of their home situation? If they are renting their property from the local authority, it may be the case that they can be transferred to a property that more suits their needs. People with such disabilities have priority and the local authority have specific housing stock to cater for this.

How close a friend are you? Could you entertain the idea of being given power of attorney over their estate? Or can the wife cope with sole responsibility for bills, etc? This would at least release some money because you would have control over this.

Try speaking to charities such as Age Concern and Parkinson's or stroke charities. They often have volunteers who can give all sorts of legal, financial and medical advice and put your friend in touch with people who can help her.

What a wonderful friend you are for caring so much. xx

Answer 4

Social services is the step forward. Your friend can apply for funding for extra hours from the care service...the monies allowed can be spent employing ANYONE as a carer.. tell her to opt for a DIrect Payment...the situation is reassessed and the social services will come to an arrangement with your friend about allowing extra hours care..during which her time will be freed up to get out of the "prison".... They can also offer advice and help with rehousing...and give 12/13 weeks priority preference (due to disabilities) over others on the waiting list.

They will also help her secure "Power of Attorney" over her beloveds assets...and this would add a string to her bow when she attempts to contest the contents of her husbands Will....again she can choose to free -up monies to pay for extra care, on top of hours already accrued.

There's option to change solicitor of course, the C.A.B may be the best place for the legal advice... it seems strange that her current solicitor isn't helping in a professional capacity...he should be her rock in these hard times.

The whole situation is appalling and as for the feeling of being self-imprisoned...I can relate similar feelings while looking after my mum...other family members are a little reluctant to free up their comfortable lifestyle when faced with an evening or two of dementia.....

Sorry I can only re-affirm other answers here, but I'm sure we are all shocked by what we have read.

May God give YOU the strength to support and advise your friend wisely. God Bless.

*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*x*♥♥*

Hello Wise Owl... ... I may be 'alone' physically, but my heart is full, y'know? I have put your question to another reputable source in the hope that I can assist both you and your friend. As soon as I get a reply I will try to let you know.

Remember, to be able to help others, you must look after yourself, so take care.

Answer 5

Her own GP may be able to help more than his....or if they share the GP she should ask to speak to another one

If she is being let down by the services that are suppose to be supporting her she should contact her MP...she/he will help get things sorted

There are alot of benefits that they both can claim based on your info....she should contact DWP and ask for DLA and carers allowance at least

If the solicitor is not paying the bills...perhaps she should have them sent direct to him

There are a lot of charities available for support needs....each region has their own....but the top of the bunch is the salvation army who will point her in the right direction for support

Answer 6

Tell her to call -- or call yourself -- the caseworker assigned to her husband's case of the agency that sends the health aide twice a day. She has to tell them she is no longer capable of his care & he needs some type of assisted living facility.

The problem is that many social service agencies are simply crappy; case workers are over-worked or simply don't care; teher are waiting lists for facilities & interminable forms to fill out. It takes someone who can make repeated phone calls & go up the supervisory chain & who is willing to make a pest of themselves until something is done. Many elderly are simply incapable of being of being effective advocates for themselves. If you undertake this you may be the only resource she has. In communities with poor social services this can turn into an incredibly time consuming project.

Answer 7

The local social services have a responsibility to look after him, as she can not longer effectively do so. Enlighten them to the situation, and say that they need to do something. How old are they? do they get OAP??? if not, they really should be getting disability benefits, as well as help caring for him from social services....this is the sort of thing i'd rather my tax money went on, rather than the pointless wasters much of it is currently spent on....

Answer 8

I think she should seek the help of social services and secure a power of attorney, in order that she can use their money, locked up in his account, to fund their necessities. It is their money, not his, as as the only competent member of the marriage I couldn't see any court not awarding her control.

Answer 9

3. An immigration lawyer; get a reference from the state bar association (which will a minimum of instruct they have no surprising disciplinary movements). the 1st pass to is in many cases unfastened. The relationships you point out are confusing and that i will think of of in basic terms one element the place your uncle is in contact, and that i think of you will desire to speak to an lawyer.