Fight with him to sell the house or just leave?

Question

My lawyer says to stay but the house will have to be sold and the proceeds split. I can't get it sale ready by myself with everybody still living in it and messing it up. We really need to move out to get it sale ready. Husband is stalling and using this as a control issue. It is so frustrating that I want to just walk away from my share of the proceeds. I could just ask for
him to pay off my credit cards and that would be about equal to my half of the house proceeds (at market value).

Answer 1

I really recommend you listen to your lawyer. I'm sure it's not at all easy living in the house with your soon-to-be ex, and trying to sell a house that has people living in it making messes. But if you leave, the consequences could be very bad.

There is no guarantee he will pay your debts. Even if you got it in writing, on the divorce contract, he might still avoid paying, and then you'd have to try and sue him for it.

Even if he pays off your credit cards, and then you leave, he can claim you deserted the family. Also, he can then turn around and claim that you are responsible for some of his debts because he paid yours.

"Trading" your stake in the house in exchange for his agreement to pay off your credit card debt is a losing proposition. It will probably cause financial losses, and you could lose custody if the judge thinks you deserted the family.

If you are tempted to leave because he is "a monster" & is abusive to you, try to get proof of his abuse. If you can get a recording of him saying nasty things to you or the kids, or saying things that are unreasonably controlling, then you can use that in court as a valid reason to leave the house, without it looking like desertion.

You might want to see if you can set up a hidden recording device or 2 in your house, or wear a wire.

My sister did so when she went through her divorce. She got a recording of the jerk shouting various filthy names at her, and their 3 yr old was in the room saying "Daddy, stop yelling please." & Mommy, what is a (cussword?)"

Divorce is awful, but if he is verbally abusing you, especially in front of the kids, and you can prove it, you have a much easier time getting out with custody!

To sell the house fast, you will want a real estate agent, to advise you on making it ready to sell. I recommend one who can put pictures of your home on the Internet, and a color picture of your home in local newspapers.

When I sold my house while living in it, we needed to put about 85-90% of our stuff into storage. All collections, personal items, and knick-knacks went into boxes. We lived with the bare minimum... 4 days worth of clothes per person, 2 toys per kid, 2 books per person, 1 music cd per person, 1 videogame *or* movie per person.

We lived out of suitcases, kind of like people do while on vacation... to keep the house as decluttered & un-personalized as possible. Then, we thouroughly cleaned it all like they do on the TV show "Clean This House," and applied a fresh coat of paint to the interior.

We reduced our kitchen items to a survival kit: one pan, one pot, one knife, one spatula, ... etc. We also went from real plates, cups, etc. to paper and disposables. The meals on days before a house showing became frozen dinners, or we ate out, to minimize cooking messes.

Good luck to you. :)

Answer 2

I would do as you lawyer advises you to do. Your are right that your husband is stalling and using this as a control tactic. Do not let him win. There is not any guarantee that he would pay your credit cards. Even if your divorce papers were to say that it does not mean that he would do it. I would suggest getting a real estate agent to help you with the sale. She will tell you what and how to get it ready to sell. My cousin does that for a living and a lot of the times when they put a house up for sale quite a bit of stuff goes into storage. The house has to be decluttered and depersonalized. Having one also might speed up the sale. Best of luck.

Answer 3

I would make him pay off your credit cards but first talk to your lawyer about what is best for you b/c if you leave now he can stay there and you be out and then not pay your credit cards

Answer 4

just walk away and leave! its better that way than to deal with a monster husband. if only money or credit card payments youre worrying about , you could still find answer to those ,they are just material things. but to lose your self-respect just because of a controlling husband, sweetie, get out of his life and house, youre life will be sweetier, believe me!You cant deal with that kind of man, hes not gonna get enough of you as long as he knows he could control you in any way!

Answer 5

I did not want my house either in the diovrce....my atty convinced me to stick it out and pretend that i did want the house. I ended up with 50% of the equity in the house (not in great shape btw), 50% of his pension, none of the debt and all of the financial assets....and to think, all I wanted was OUT!

Get an appraisal!!

Answer 6

Stay and fight for whats yours... you put in time and dedication into your marriage and house for you to just leave it al lbehind... with your share, pay off your debt and use the rest to enjoy your life..

Answer 7

Walking away and moving out is akin to desertion and he may be able to get the courts to give you nothing. Follow your attorneys advice and stick it out, you will be glad you did in the long run.

Good Luck

Answer 8

if that would be and fair trade then by all means do so and get on with your life . life is prescious and we dont want to waste time fighting over material things that we cant take with us

Answer 9

do what your lawyer tells you to do cause that is why you hired him or her . they know best when it comes to these matters . good luck .