What do you think of these 2 poems i just wrote?? Be honest, please!!?

Question

I wrote them for my bro who died when i was 16 (i just turned 18 in august...)
Please tell me what you think of them, if they are any good or not....

"The days go by,
My life goes on.
But every beat my heart makes,
Just reminds me you’re gone.
It hurts so much,
sometimes it’s hard to even breathe.
The tears just won’t stop,
As I wonder why you had to leave.
You were just a kid, and I was too,
And I’d give anything,
For just one more moment with you.
You were my brother,
And in my heart you’ll always stay.
You feel so close,
How can you be so far away?
The empty space in my heart,
Holds the memory of you.
And here you’ll never die again,
As my heart now beats for two.
As my heart beats, for you…"

"Every day
I wonder why
God took you home,
Why you had to die.
You were hurting so much,
There was nothing we could do;
Why didn’t God just take the pain,
Instead of taking you??
You are no longer hurting,
But the pain is still here,
It’s on all of our hearts,
Because you’re no longer near.
I miss you so much,
No words could ever explain,
How much it hurt to lose you,
No one could measure that pain.
I try to act tough,
Try to fight the tears.
I still tell myself that you’re coming back,
Even though it’s been 2 years.
And I tell all my friends,
That I’m doing okay;
But the truth is, I’m not,
I die a little more each day.
So I try not to talk about it,
I isolate myself, and just hide.
So no one will see
Just how much I’m dying inside.

I miss you so much,
I wish God could see
How much I’m falling apart,
Without you here with me.
Then maybe I’d wake up
One day, and find,
It was all just a dream,
God had changed his mind.
But I know that’s just fantasy,
It’ll never come true.
Just know that for now,
I’m thinking of you.
I love you, and miss you,
And hope that you’re okay;
And I can’t wait to see you again,
In heaven,
Some day…."

(the first section is the first poem, and then the 2nd and 3rd sections are the second poem. I had to break up the 2nd one into 2 parts because i couldn't fit it all into one box...)

Answer 1

I really liked the first poem for its quality of heart. Very compelling and I only started to read the poem so it surprised me that is was death and dying of a loved one.

the second felt more like a prayer than a poem. It does a good job of loss, and isolation. Still, the first one was more compelling to me.

Sorry for your lose.

Answer 2

AWW!!! Im so sorry for the loss of your brother. I am honest always and I think its just beaitufill and gorgeus.It shows all feelings in the heart! Ithink you can be one good poetic. ( or yah the person who write poems)

Im really terribly sorry!

Please answer my question if available!

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071101163328AAAwkVS&r=w

Answer 3

I think those are beautiful. I can relate to the poems and the grief that you feel. I lost my son this year. I'm sorry for your loss. :(