I have a sex tape of me and an ex bf from when i was 21, before i met hubby. I had it stashed and hubby found it, he wants to watch it, not sure what i should do?
2007-10-31 07:09:19 · 79 answers · asked by Jamie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forgot to mention, it was stashed long ago before married in a box that i havent seen in years, he was cleaning up around the house and found it, box had old papers, school things, stuff like that. I stashed it years ago and never found it again, thought i had thrown it out.
2007-10-31 07:21:34 · update #1
This could go one of two ways.
1) He will love it. He will use it for future spank bank and you will discover that your hubby has a secret twisted fetish to see his own wife with another men which will lead to future attempts to please him on your part in this same manner, thus changing the entire chemistry of your marriage.
2) He will be upset; it makes men physically ill to think of their partner with another and to see it makes this 100 times worse. Just watch... And he will subsequently compare himself to this other man for the rest of your married life and it will cause future arguements, insecurities and he will bring this up in conversation at the worst possible times. Like during a fight.
Either way, this can't work out well. No matter how twisted he may be. Destroy the tape. Then tell him he's the only man who could ever please you and that the tape was innocent love making and it was a stupid thing to do. Men stray when they think their wife could be pleased by another. It doesn't make them want to work harder in the bedroom after the first few weeks of watching the tape. He will grow to resent you. And he will lose respect for you, no matter how long ago you made the tape. Get rid of it, buy some new lingerie and make a tape of your own.
2007-10-31 07:46:14 · answer #1 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband found the same thing in my stash. He watched it not knowing what was. He has been scarred forever by what he saw. It wasn't just me having sex with my ex. He saw his wife with another man even though the tape was from five years before we got together. He says he feels inadequate compared to my ex. So my advice is no absolutely not. It do more harm than good.
2007-10-31 07:26:42 · answer #2 · answered by Nikki R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just not a good idea. It's very difficult for us human beings to see the people we love with other people. Unless you're swingers, it's just not something we do well. It's a vision that's very difficult to get out of our heads. You're in a tough spot. To all of you out there that may be saving that kind of thing.....GET RID OF THEM. Would you want to stumble upon your partner's stuff like that?
In the meantime, it's too late for this one. I'd tell him that you love him and that your ex is no longer in the picture and you have no desire to think of being with anyone else but him. I would tell him no and I'd have him watch you destroy it so he knows you also are never going to look at it again.
This is a little off the mark but demonstrates our inability to let go of issues like this. I read somewhere recently that a very high percentage of couples who experiment with three-ways break up soon after they do it and it's not unusual that the partner to have the biggest issue with it is the one who suggested it in the first place. It's always because they can't get past thinking about seeing their partners with the other person. It's just a very powerful image and most of us aren't equipped to let go of it.
Though he's very curious, it will be much easier for him to let go of if he doesn't see it. If he sees it, it will never go away for him.
Good luck....
P.S. Go through your stuff and get rid of anything else like this. Now that you know you've had stuff, he'll be less likely to understand if he stumbles across something else because you won't be able to claim you "forgot" about it after this.
2007-10-31 08:40:49 · answer #3 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you don't let him watch it there could be a possibility that he could think you are hiding other things on the house.
Just watch it.
And explain to him that; that was back in the day.
Be sure that you apologize for hiding the tape though.
BTW;;why do you even have that tape?
2007-10-31 07:14:47 · answer #4 · answered by Nichole(: 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
At this point, it really doesn't matter what you do. You're marriage is probably screwed. If you do watch it, no matter how much he thinks he wants to see it, he will inevitably be pissed after seeing it. IF you don't watch it, he'll be pissed that you wouldn't let him see it and think that it is worse than it actually even may have been and obsess about it just as much. I'm sorry, but you're doomed. Good luck.
2007-10-31 07:40:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why in the world would u get married if u still need to hold onto the past, this tape should have been destroyed lonnng ago, if i was the husband and i found this tape i would tie you up and torture you, just the though of u masterbating to a sex tape of your ex when hubby isnt around ,hes missing the big picture on this one and your lucky he doesnt see it. but yes u should let him watch it, and then explain why uv had to hold onto it for all theses years when u were suposed to be commited to him
2007-10-31 07:14:29 · answer #6 · answered by future lambo owner 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You had it stashed?? Duh....
When my husband moved in, he brought nude photos of his last girlfriend with him in his stuff that he said he forgot about. I am 40, he is 48, his last girlfriend was 23!! Blonde. Very slim...did I mention she had great ta tas?
It is an image that is still seared into my brain!! I realize that men are different than women, but, GET RID OF IT!!!
It might be really tempting, maybe he wants to see you as that 21 yr old sex kitten romping and sweaty, but, if the guy you were with is at all attractive, or if his package is visble, well.....it won't matter if you were 21, drunk, stupid and it was 20 years ago. Get rid of it!
PS-my husband is now my ex, and I can almost recall what she looks like better than I remember him......
2007-10-31 07:26:51 · answer #7 · answered by Daisy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I cannot believe you would keep that even after you've gotten married. He only wants to see it so he can become infuriated and likely lash out at you. His respect for you has/will go down more if he sees that tape.
2007-10-31 07:16:22 · answer #8 · answered by Shat Splatterson 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Only you can ultimately decide.
The real clincher for the decision is why does hubby want to watch it? If he's the jealous type and its bound to cause problems - I would skip it and just ditch the tape. If he enjoys porn or even if its something the two of you watch together - maybe he thinks actually being able to watch you and be with you would be a thrill.
In the end its about your comfort level. If you're not comfortable, then him watching it is going to be uncomfortable, potentially for both of you. If you are - then go for it.
2007-10-31 07:13:36 · answer #9 · answered by rose1077 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
That's not a part of your life he was involved in, he does not need to see that. I do wonder why you still keep it though .. If I were you I would get rid of it and let him know it is all in the past. Or make a new one with him if you both want to. Either way you should move on.
2007-10-31 07:13:59 · answer #10 · answered by L. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋