Has anyone here ever had a friend who killed themselves (Don't read if it upsets you)?

Question

So sorry to be so gloomy - but tomorrow there will be a special Service that I will go to, when they remember those who have died this year. My very close friend shot herself in the head back in July. She was in America and I am in the U.K but her family sent me a special little picture that was on the wall next to her bed, and also her key ring with 3 angels on - angels of promise, protection, and friendship. I haven't been able to look at those thing and they are packed up and are away in a drawer, It hurts so bad to look at them cos she would have seen that picture as one of the last things she saw. She phoned me to tell me she was going to shoot herself - there was nothing I could do. She shot herself in the head, and lingered for a week before she finally died. Sorry about this - I just wondered if any of you had gone through this?

Thankyou for all your very kind answers. I want to say though, that I forgive her utterly. I know exactly what she was going through - I was the only person she ever confided in. She was actually in so much emotional and psychological pain that it was impossible for her to carry on. Also, I do not feel guilt about it, but sorrow. Moving on is something that I feel can only be done in time - this is not my only loss this year, and grieving takes its time. I guess we are all different and things will take us all differently. I just wanted to know how others felt who had had the same thing happen to them. Please don't judge me for what I have said. It was quite simply a question to find out what others felt when it happened to them. Thankyou for your very kind answers.
sasha

I just want to say also that I feel for all of you who have gone through this too. Thankyou for sharing your own pain with me. It is a hard subject to talk about.

Answer 1

Both my only sibling (brother) and his youngest son committed suicide. I truly believe we don't ever "get over" it.

Sorrow remains, but so does guilt. Like;:why didn't I know what was going on inside him/her? why didn't I see this coming? What could I have done that I didn't?

In time (often a very long time) we realize that life is for the living and we put these dear, departed where they belong:
in a loving past.

Answer 2

No one I know personally, my father attempted it a couple of times ( the gas line in the car thing) but did not succeed.
I really think you have to be at your wits end to do something like that, and it really does effect those you leave behind, as usually they have no idea why the person does what they did. There is also the feeling that they did not see the signs and what they could have done to stop it. But if someone is H----
bent on doing it, nothing will stop them.
Sorry for your loss and it will take a while but I'm sure you will eventully come to terms with it. Like you said, there was nothing you could do.

Answer 3

You are not being gloomy. I have lost two people in my life to suicide, friends. One was 20, was not particularly depressed, but had the insane notion that dying while at the happiest was the way to go ???? Yes, insane. The other left because of girl-friend problems. Both were men. When a man says he is going to kill himself, LISTEN...he means it! When a woman says she is going to kill herself, the chances are high that she is asking for help. This is not true in your case. You could do nothing, and were the same situation arise today, you would still be helpless to intervene. WE cannot possibly know what is going on within the heads of others, it is often all we can do to deal with our own heads. Hopefully, in time, this will pass, but there is no reason to have feelings of guilt...it is a wasted emotion, will change nothing in life, and devours the spirit. Perhaps it might be best if you faced this demon head on, got the angels out of the drawer and placed them in full view. It could well be the family knew what they were doing to help you in this matter. You cannot bury the incident, it is not going to go away, so perhaps it is time to admit it has happened, release your negative feelings, and look at these angels as messages of hope, not dispare. I cannot give you advice, for I am not in your place. Another's suicide leaves us with a mixed bag of emotions..anger, pain, loss, etc. IT is time to put this in its proper place and move on to positive energy. I wish you peace and love, Goldwing

Answer 4

yeah. same thing He shot himself in the head. died instantly.
all i can tell you is you will heal with time, I know you have heard all the cliches like "Everything happens for a reason"
Fine. what the hell is the reason? But no one can aswer that can they? Give yourself time to grieve. Do whatever it is you must. If you have access to the ocean here is what i would do:
write your friend a nice long letter explaining how you will miss her and write about happy times you shared and when you are done, put the letter in a bottle and toss it toward America, let the tide take it out. I know that sounds corny but it is good therapy. You have to let go before you can move on.
Now if you dont live near the ocean then just write the letter and lock it away with things you cherish. and dont forget to talk about your loss. Peace be with you and all the best to you.

Answer 5

Many people have a deep sadness within themselves which they find difficult to talk about. I have lost several friends to suicide and two of them were contemporaries from my school days, three cousins killed themselves in the same year, two within six weeks of each other,one of whom was a girl which seemed all the more terrible way to go, all by shotgun. Sadly guns are readily available to farmers which they were, What makes it so hard to understand is that none of them gave any sign that there was a serious problem, but looking back your mind keeps churning over and you seem to find things that you might have missed at the time, it all seems such a waste of life and in some ways it is only natural to wonder what you could have done to help them.Time doesn't heal it only softens the blow.I send my sympathy to you.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry for you and your friend's family. I want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could do more for you. I hope one day the items her family sent you will bring you comfort and good memories.

One of our friends shot himself in the head when he was a teen. He and some other friends were drinking and he got a gun somehow and started playing russian roulette. I don't think he ever thought it would actually happen, but he died. I remember once a window just being open a little ways and him betting he could throw a bottle through it. No one thought it could make it out that small hole, but it did. He just thought luck would always be on his side, but one day it ran out. He was a handsome, smart, funny guy who we all adored. The world lost one of it's lights that day.

I'm glad you are able to 'talk' about this, I think it helps. We are here if you need us, you are not alone. (((((Sasha))))) Much love, friend. Luvs

Answer 7

i am so sorry for your loss and i feel your pain

i have had 5 very important people in my life commit suicide
all within a span of about 2 1/2 years. i won't go into details, but i can tell you this much - if there is any way possible, you should find a grief counselor. here in the town where i live, one of the funeral homes has a grief therapy group. it was after the death of my 2nd friend that the funeral director came up to me and suggested it. he knew me from before, not just the funerals and he knew that i struggle with depression anyway. this is a very small town and everybody knows everybody else's business. it helped me a lot to know that i wasn't alone in my feelings, and i got a really great book that helped me also. it's called "On Death and Dying" and it explains the stages of grief. you might want to see if you can find it - it really helped me.

Answer 8

Dear Sasha,, My aunt committed suicide with a gun and my grandparents and my Dad never recovered from the loss and grief. I hope that you understand that you were a dear friend to her and she would not have done this if she had not been an extremely bad shape, with feelings too overwhelming for one person to deal with.

I hope that you can remember the good times and know that her suffering is finally over.

I know you will never understand the extent of such an action but somehow I hope that you will find peace within yourself.

Love and Prayers

Answer 9

Yes, only it was my 1st cousin. He was almost 15 yrs my junior as my uncle married late in life.

He was attractive; supremely sweet; immensely talented; educated; and very very successful CPA working with firms like Arthur Anderson. He had a lovely wife and had just adopted a baby girl.

However, he suffered from major depression and although he took meds, he refused to go to group or undergo individual therapy....

His bouts became deeper in '99 and my mom asked me to try talking to him and convincing him to try a complete regimen of treatment...I did so; but two night after I last spoke with him [he and his family lived in S.C. at the time] he got up in the middle of the night and took a massive overdose of meds, then went back to bed.

His wife awakened in the morning to him dead.

Because I KNEW he would never had wished that kind of pain onto his loving wife, I then realized how devastating depression can be and how a person CAN reach a point where all they want is to be relieved of the pain...not necessarily to die, I think, but to escape the pain. They are not thinking clearly at the time, I believe.

I am so sorry for your loss! Hopefully one day you will be able to look at the mementos and although holding sadness, you will also remember the good times and why you each loved each other so!

Answer 10

sorry to read about your loss. please believe She has gone to a Higher and Greater LOVE than when here on earth. She has left this Plane of Existence for a better plane. Remember there is actually no death only a change of one Plane of Existence for another because her Soul and Spirit will live on in the memories of family and friends.

Please do NOT give away the mementos the family sent you because in time these will bring comfort to you.

Remember the good times for this will also help ease the pain over time. Prayers for helping you and the family cope have been said.

Answer 11

My father killed himself 5 years ago. He shot himself in the head with a pistol while I was in the next room. I had traveled many miles to be with him and try to help him out. Looking back on it, I think he had it all planned and just wanted me to be there and "take care of things." It was a horrible experience and I was furious with my father for about a year. Couldn't even grieve for him! Time passes, emotions calm down, you accept what happened plus the fact that you were powerless to prevent it. Eventually you will have good memories of your loved one that will replace the bad stuff. God Bless you. I do understand what you are going through.