What would you do?

Question

My husband and I dont get along at all ever. I honestly think I hate him. I cringe at the sound of his voice or any other noise he makes. The problem is that he thinks that this is normal. To fight all the time and not speak to eachother. I feel like he just married me to have some one to pay for things that he wants and to take care of his kids. We dont see eye to eye on anything. (we even fought about what our son was going to be for halloween) imagine us trying to find a place to live. I know youre going to say "get a divorce" but its not that simple like i said the thinks its normal to act like this.

Answer 1

For pete sake if it's that bad for you why are you putting up with it,can't you tell him things have got to change. It's so bad for kids to be around that i know because my parents augured and got into big fights. As soon as my dad came home drunk it started i would run to my room because if he saw you you were the one he picked on. I grew up very angry at men and i have been married three times. My grades in school was so bad because of the anger i had inside of me and all this was do to my dad. He cheated on my mother the whole time they were married. Let your husband read this let him see how it affects the kids in the home not that he would care but you never know.

Answer 2

what you have to do is remember back when you first got married...surely it was sheer bliss and loving at that time right? You BOTH must go back to that time..what attracted you to him? what attracted him to you? How did you decide you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together? It sounds like neither of you are good problem solvers. And that is not uncommon. I can sense that there is a lot of hostility and resentment going on also. This usually happens when someone does something to upset you or hurt you and then you never get a chance to resolve the matter with the person....you don't clean the space so to speak.....then the outcome is you brood over the matter and it just builds and builds till you want to explode...not good! There are rules to fighting or arguing.........Marriage counseling may help and you both have to want to feel better about your relationship for that to work.....sometimes the smallest things mean a huge deal...re-dedicate yourselves to each other start with a clean slate...talk about what hurts you that he says or does and give him a chance to do the same then make a huge effort to "fix" the problems you all have with each others behavior it can be done ....it will take a big heart and the desire to succeed in this commitment that you have made...best of luck

Answer 3

This seems like a very difficult situation i really don't think that getting a divorce right away s the way to go. If u got married its because you guys at one time thought u should be togeather forever. I am sure that although things haven't been peachy there is hope. Marriage counseling has helped many couples on the verge of devoice. I think it would be good not only to save your marriage but your family. The children i'm sure see and feel the tension between the two of you.

Best wishes!

Answer 4

Your obviously not liking the situation that you are in, so sit him down and talk to him about this. It is not normal to fight all the time and not talk to each other. Sure, couples disagree and sometimes argue over things, but it is not an every day, every situation occurrence. Tell him how you feel and see what he reaction is. If he is willing to try different things (as you should be as well) then come up with several suggestions that you can both work on. It takes two people to argue, so you both need to change things in your life and attitude. Good luck and I hope things work out for the best!!

Answer 5

No, that's not "normal". I can't really give marital advice on my own basis because I'm divorced, but countless books and articles will tell you that love shouldn't hurt ... emotionally or otherwise. You also can't have a relationship in which you either fight all the time or don't speak to each other ... there has to be middle ground. I would suggest that each of you, if willing, go to a counselor and after you've each worked on your own issues, maybe join the counseling together as a couple ... that is, if you want it to work out.

Answer 6

I think you should tyry marriage consuling he might think like this but he is not realizing that it is not healthy for you or your baby. Marriage conseling is the best thing and try not o argue to much let him know that you are tired and can not stand him anymore. What made you marry him in the first place ask youself that? And why is it like this know? Is there something wrong with him or you. You really need to make a decsion and if you do not love him and can't not stand him then a divorce is okay. why do you think you can not get out yes you can.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have lost your love. Do you remember why you married him? What you loved then? Stop focusing on what you don't have and look at what you do have. Lots of couples have struggles and are capable (if willing) to get through them and have a great marriage. Sounds like there is a lot of selfishness (both of you) in the relationship. Seek GOOD counsel. Get a referral from your pastor or from someone you trust. You probably need separate counsel as well as couples counsel. It's not too late. It's only too late when you stop trying. You BOTH need to grow up and look at the effect your fighting is having on your home, your children, each other, and everyone who loves you. You CAN MAKE IT!

Answer 8

the thing is, there is a huge difference between disagreeing and arguing with your spouse and fighting all the time. sounds like you're doing the latter and your husband is confusing this with normal disagreements that come with all marriages. i would say to just tell him, adamantly, that this is not normal and that you two need help to learn how to communicate efficiently. but, i can kinda see how that would go: "this isn't normal", "yes, it is", "no, it isn't", "yes, it is." it might just turn into another fight.
you need to be honest with yourself. you say that you think you hate him. you need to figure out why. is it because of the fighting? because that can be fixed. it'll take a lot of work, but it can be fixed. if your dislike, or hate, comes from a deeper source and is connected to who he is as a person, you have to be willing to admit that. and you need to be honest with him about it. if you share those feelings, he'll probably see that it isn't normal.
short and simple, tell him that married people love one another, and to feel the way you do and to act the way you both do, is not normal. you need to seek help. one trip to counseling - just one - and the therapist will tell him this isn't normal. then you can both decide to work on it or go your separate ways.

Answer 9

Your husband may have a mental illness. I'm going to suggest the possibility of Asperger's Syndrome (AS). People with AS can be incredibly negative and argumentative, controlling and unreasonable, and selfish and lazy. They typically refuse all domestic activities, like cooking, cleaning and child-rearing. They never take your needs into account--it's like you're a piece of furniture.

Read here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
and here: http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/

and see if any of this resonates with you. By the way, that's pronounced "asspergers," the g like in burger.

If it does resonate, then I suggest that you (and you alone) go find a counselor WHO HAS EXPERIENCE WITH AS, and get some help. It is unlikely that your husband will ever improve his behavior. You will need to decide, without your husband's input, what to do. I wish you the very best.

Answer 10

well, you got a kind typical situation here, some might say go seek counceling and such, and who knows, that could help a lil...but i will tell you from personal expirience, once you get to the point that you are totally irritated and disgusted by everything this guy does, its pretty much over...you should really consider the divorce thing...why you didnt see this comming before you got married is odd, how long did you guys date?

but either way, hey, he is an idiot for thinking that mariage is nothing other than hate and disgust...i would suggest you just get divorce papers and put them down infront of him...

good luck