Why put "working women" and "stay at home moms" as if it is an either/or thing?

Question

This is really pissing me off!

And why does it have to be on the MOM?

Why not talk about stay at home Dad as a choice too?

leaperpup I totally agree that caring for the family is real work. I wish there was a word to say it with that showed that reality so I could have used it when I asked this question.

Alexandra I thank you if you speak for your self when you say that. Women are individuals with different abilities and interests. We are humans.

Answer 1

Some dads do stay home. Then, there are those couples that share the job and the children don't go to day care. My grandson works days and is off on weekends, his wife works evenings and weekends. I find your question somewhat amusing as though a "stay at home mom" isn't a working woman! Just try paying someone to do all that this "stay at home mom does"; watching children, changing diapers, preparing meals, laundry, dusting, scrubbing floors, etc., etc. I guess some people don't think that those things are work! It should be rephrased as "working outside of the home".

Answer 2

That's a great point. None of the terms really make sense to me. At-home mom? Naw, I'm usually at the playground or the grocery store or the library. Full-time mom? Well, no, every mother is a mother all the time. You don't stop being a mom just because you are not physically with the child 24/7.

Working mom? Well, I'm working harder now than I ever did before, although I don't get paid. Career mom? This strikes me as odd, too, as though rather than splitting her time between two jobs, she is actually in two places at once.

Why does it have to be the mom? It sure doesn't. My dad was a SAHD, my mom worked for pay.

What terms can we use, then? How about "payroll moms" or "breadwinner moms" and "primary caregiver moms"? I like these terms because they work for men, too.

There is also a large number of women who work from home or work part-time, and I have no idea how one would label them. The whole thing IS rather silly, IMO, but how else can we discuss policy without having some sort of term?

Answer 3

Its not a choice that a man had in my day. a woman stayed at home and the mans job was to work, My 1st wife was a stay at home mom for twenty years. There was one income in our six member family, when the children were in high school and some had already left home, I suggested to her it was time for her to get a job to help me with our high cost of living ,she refused and said she like it just as it has always been. Needless to say , to me that was the wrong answer and we are now divorced.She has been in the workforce for the last 20 odd years.
I have never been one that says , Stay at home mom's had an easy job, I took care of my 3 month old son, 18 month old son, 4 year old son and 6 year old daughter While my wife had a Tumor removed from her uterus and it was not easy ,I was on call 24/7 on the needs of the two still in diapers and I was happy when she was well enough to help me. Once the kids needs changed ,is when we disagreed on our roles in the family.

Answer 4

"Why not talk about stay at home Dad as a choice too?"

I've posted a version of this very same question. The answer appears to be a phenomena called the 'Double Standard'. Men can have their cake and eat it too. They like it this way. Why share if you don't have to?

If more men were interested in more at-home family duties and domestic chore doing time then things would change. But on the whole they're really not that interested - so things don't change. Why the need to fix it if it ain't broke?

Answer 5

A star for you!

My biggest peeve is the lack of suitable part-time positions and the sucky pay just because it is part time.

In discussions of wage gap, the argument is frequently made that women get paid less because they produce less, take more time off, etc. I think having more part-time skilled and professional positions could alleviate some of those conflicts.
it would save the company $$ by reducing the benefits paid out, so why can't they pay a part-timer a decent wage? It seems to me that a company would be better off hiring 2 part time workers rather than one full timer.

And what about stay at home parents who run businesses from home? They are at home, but they are working too!

Answer 6

I can't speak for anyone else, but when I say stay at home mom I am in no way implying 'unworking'. So in the context of that it is an either or thing.

I use the term mom because that is what I am, dad would be fine too (unintentional -I assume that dad's would assume I was talking about them too) :)

Answer 7

My brother who hasn't worked a steady job in his 45 year but he does keep good house and knows how to cook par excellent. But I'd be dam he can't find a wife to support him. I think the problem here is not sexist men its sexist women.

By the way I'm raising my son to be the "breadwinner" first and that a real man is capable of taking care of his family and that men without jobs/careers are undeserving of even getting laid.

When it comes time for you to pick the father of your children, do you want a man that dreams of being able to provide for his family or one that is looking "to stay at home".

Answer 8

you make a VERY good point about Dad staying home!
in fact, my husband & i are looking at that as a possibility. for us, it would work better (i make more & have insurance)

maybe i'm missing something, but unless the mom works from home, *isn't* it an either/or thing?? at least at any given point in her life...
(edit: oh, is it that it implies that sahm's don't "work" all day? if so, i get that. it might just be that people think work=paycheck, while mothering=intrisic rewards, both of which require effort & labor)

Answer 9

Of course, stay-at-home dad is a choice too, but given the choice, most men would prefer to work. It's just biology. Why try to fight it? If you don't want to raise children, don't have them, or find a man who is willing to do it, while you go to work.

Answer 10

I prefer the term "housewife" myself.

It's better that the mother stay home if possible, because women in general are better nurturers.

EDIT: It's a proven fact that women in general are better nurturers. I'm not speaking for myself here. Yes we're individuals, but there are things that women are generally better at, and some things that men are generally better at. If a parent is to stay home it's generally better that the mother does, all I'm saying.