i got mad at my husband today and gave him a small kick and he flipped out and twisted my arms and squeezed them so hard i have big bruise mark in the shape of his hand, bruised my lip, and i have scratches all over my wrists and hands , too. he even held my breath for a few seconds...he says he did this just to hold me back from screaming or hitting him. i may have started but hes way stronger! im really mad at him now, but i still love him. wtvr. whos wrong?
2007-10-31 06:44:08 · 20 answers · asked by ilovecandy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yeah- but i hurt him too...doesnt it make me wrong?
i dont want to divorce. we have a baby girl and i dont want to do that!
2007-10-31 06:50:21 · update #1
this aint the first or second time this type of thing happened.
2007-10-31 06:54:32 · update #2
It takes so little to be good to each other... why are so many couples fighting and acting in such a violent way?
Of course it’s wrong to hit another person!
You seem to have a problem to control your anger and loose your temper.
But your husband reacts in a violent and absolutely inappropriate way; he is using his force to hurt you.
Both of you need to calm down and talk, because the consequences are that you both will get involved into violent actions and these things damage your marriage.
In the case that things do not improve you should look for professional help.
It doesn’t matter who does start this violence, because the person who reacts in a violent way is acting wrong as well.
2007-10-31 07:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anita P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO body should bring physical stuff to an argument. You are BOTH wrong. You for kicking him, and him for responding the way he did. Sounds like someone will have to step up to the humility plate and ask for forgiveness. It's over and you can't change what happened. You can change the future and commit together to never let that type of behavior happen again. If you will consider him as more important than you and he will do the same towards you you will have a GREAT marriage. When selfishness enters you both lose. When you both are looking to the others best interest it's a win for both of you even if you don't agree on the subject. Good luck and don't let this ruin your relationship.
2007-10-31 13:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by pkgfinder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're both wrong. As for you, don't hit someone unless you are prepared to be hit back. Did you think that he should just stand there and take your abuse? As for him, generally men are physically stronger than women. If you don't think you can control your temper and you may strike out, then you need to remove yourself from the situation quickly. If you don't you could be the one ending up in jail. Now for both of you, go get some anger management classes before you destroy your marriage. I hope that your child was not present at the time. Even if she doesn't understand why you are fighting she can feel the tension. If you care about your child you will deal with future disagreements in a more private & mature manner.
2007-10-31 14:03:20 · answer #3 · answered by Debbie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear....
Nobody should be hitting anyone. Your story is a little hard to follow, but if it's true that you gave him a kick and he went to town on you then you have a big problem and need to seriously consider the future of your marriage.
If you REALLY WERE flailing your arms and hitting him then what was he supposed to do? Sit there and take it? If he needed to restrain you while you were going crazy trying to hit hm then that's your problem.
I would like to have seen this event. It is not clear to me what happened.
You were wrong to start it. If you got hurt from the force he had to apply to protect himself, then the fault is all yours. If he went overboard and started hurting you, then the fault is shared, bordering on being more his fault then yours, depending on what really happened.
EDIT not the first time for what? You hitting him and it becoming a fight? Or what?
If you hitting him instigates a worse fight, then the solution appears to be: don't hit him. Is it that hard to stop hitting your husband?
I'm sorry, but I think if the question were phrased like:
"I hit my wife and she went crazy started throwing things broke my nose...."
Everyone would be saying
"Good! You shouldn't hit your wife loser".
2007-10-31 13:47:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh girl, something is not right here. You were not wrong. Your husband is off the hoOK, and I would seriously think about what your doing. No way in hell, would I love someone that did that to me. I would be pissed.. I don't care if we had 10 baby girls together. Sister, my ex did that crap to me, and I went out and found me a job and kicked his butt to the curb. I didn't even think about love, I thought about me.I make more money than him now, he is remarried and treating his new wife like crap. I am remarried and have a brand new house, and a good job. I had two kids too, but I have to think about what I want them to see. That wasn't it. He put one mark on me and I would be out the door. If you choose to put up with it, don't complain, no one can treat you that way unless YOU let them. He knows it is ok, because he has done it before,and nothing happens........you come on here and look for answers. I know what my answer would be. I deserve way more than that to let someone treat me that way.
2007-10-31 16:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by Godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you love him girl....but don't accept physical abuse. Have more respect for yourself and get the hell on with your life. It sounds like he went to town on you and that's unacceptable. I could understand if he just playfully kicked you back, but bruises and scratches are uncalled for. There is a fine line between a playful smack and a bruise causing hit. If this has happened on more than one occasion, definitely get out of that relationship immediately....and call for back up.
2007-10-31 14:02:07 · answer #6 · answered by carqueen66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What? why do you even have to ask who's wrong in this situation?
If he hurt you and left bruises it is obvious who is wrong, you need to get out of this relationship
Yes hitting him was wrong on your part...but what he did was not simply self-defense on his part. He should have walked away in the first place. That is not self-defense....self-defense would have been him pushing you away and getting out of the situation, not flipping out , twisting and squeezing arms that give a bruise mark , bruised your lip, and give scratches all over your wrists and hands or holding your breath.........simply NOT self-defense in my opinion
2007-10-31 13:48:49 · answer #7 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You both were, but you have been dealing with this for awhile, you say you have a daughter do you want her to see this and think that it is okay? You people need abuse help, talk to someone, Against Abuse is a great place to go , for all of you. If not you guys need to separate before it gets worse.
2007-10-31 13:58:06 · answer #8 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you injured his ego and he injured you. How can you ask if you were in the wrong. This is called Spousal abuse. He has abused you. I suggest you find a way out fast before it happens again. You have a child to worry about and she does not need to see her dad beating up her mom. Show abusive hubby the door!
2007-10-31 13:56:05 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are. You sould not have struck out at him and expected him to just take it. He is wrong because he went too far. I have a feeling this marriage is about to turn really ugly if you both feel the need to hurt each other. Get some couples counseling before this spirals out of control.
2007-10-31 13:49:08 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋