So my boyfriend and I have lived together for quite some time, and been together for several years. Yesterday he called me and said he no longer wanted to be together that one of us needed to pack our things and when I decided who it would be to let him know. This is the man of my life and I care about him deeply, in fact we were planning on getting married, and were trying to have a child. I don't quite understand. We've had our share of fights don't get me wrong, but what couple doesn't right? I just can't stand the thought of him leaving....help!
2007-10-31 05:57:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Having a child won't save your relationship and is an unfair to raise a child.
He is probably having an affair - but it would not help you to find that out so don't ask.
Get him to pack his things and leave - its obvious he doesn't want to discuss it.
Also, stop being such a victim - see this as an opportunioty to free yourself and give your self the opportunity to find someone nicer!
If you love him it is irrelevant - he must love you too - as the wedding singer says "Why do you want to dance with someone who doesnt want to dance with you?"
Who has the control over this relationship?
I get the feeling there is more going on here than you are telling us, and more than he is telling you. Don't waste your time trying to find out - it wont change anything.
2007-10-31 06:08:04 · answer #1 · answered by Paul M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG, that's terrible!!
I don't know how you can "keep" him, hun. Sounds like he's been sitting on this for a while, and by now he's got his mind made up.
Now, I don't know whether this is true or not in your situation. But from my own experience, this kind of thing often comes about because of another love interest entering the picture. I would be willing to venture a guess that your b/f is seeing someone. Again, I have no idea if it's true - I'm just speculating, based on my own (similar) experience. Asking him would be of no use, he will most likely deny it. The thing is, you may want more than anything for him to come back to you - but you have to realize that your relationship will never be the same, even if he does reconsider. Nothing will bring back what could have been. So from this moment on, this is something you have to come to terms with, which isn't gonna be easy.
Please call your friends and family. You need someone to talk to, you need support; you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Go stay with a close friend for a little while, if at all possible. Most people have gone through a traumatic relationship experience sometime in the past, and they will be happy to reach out and help you. It was amazing how many people came forth and shared their very personal experiences with me when I was in a similar predicament; both of my parents had gone through very traumatic divorces from their first spouses, and the first time they really opened up and spoke to me about it was when I was in the middle of my own divorce. The message is - there's light at the end of the tunnel; even the worst turmoil fades away eventually, and people find happiness again. Don't be desperate, be strong. Good luck.
2007-10-31 06:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. He obviously doesn't have the same goals as you do. Not to be preachy, but next time, don't live with someone before marriage. Been there, done that. Too easy for men not to commit. It is natural for you to want it to progress to marriage and kids, but alot of men are commitment phobes. They like the easy road. Everything but the commitment. Also, it sucks for you if you aren't married because you have no legal rights if it ends. Just take it day by day. It will be really hard, but get a good support system of friends. When you feel like calling him or anything, call your friend instead. Start some activities that take up your free time. I am sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
2007-10-31 06:11:36 · answer #3 · answered by andmic510 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's pretty obvious to me that something made him do this, and my guess is that it's another woman. Guys don't just typically up and leave their residence and significants out of the blue unless they have been REALLY miserable for a REALLY long time, but if that's the case you would have seen it coming for a while now. Chances are he has found someone else, but you deserve the truth so I encourage you to get it from him. He owes you at least a conversation after all this time you have invested in him. I understand that the thought of him leaving scares you to death, because if I were you I too would be devestated. Rely on family and friends but most of all YOURSELF to get you through. So sorry this is happening to you!
2007-10-31 06:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why try to hold onto someone who doesnt want to be there? It'll be hard but if he wants out, let him go. You dont want to be that desperate needy type. Move on and focus on yourself, and next time.. think about the fact that if you're together for years and not married yet.. theres probably a reason.
2007-10-31 06:09:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. N™ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want him to stay unwillingly? If he doesn't want to be with you, accept it because it will save you your time and misery. Every couple does have their share of fights, however you can't force someone to stay if they don't want to. It will obviously be hard for you but eventually you will get over. You should pray to god that you are not pregnant or married to him because then you would end up a single divorced mother. Who knows this might blow over but don't beg him to stay. You will regret it, trust me. To tell you the truth, it doesn't seem like it has to do with your fights. It seems like there could be someone else. And if I were you, I wouldn't leave. Let him go unless you can't afford to live their on your own. If you want him to change his decision, you have to act like you are fine with your breakup. You have to act as if it doesn't bother you. I know it is hard but what do you have to lose at this point. Don't lose your pride because it is a sign of weakness if you do. And guys like to see you down when you are down and out. Make sure that you look great when you do see him. Call him tell him that you are moving out or for him to move out. Don't ask him why or to stay please? You won't be happy being with someone who is unhappy. Allow him to miss you and rethink his decision. Please please do not let him see you cry. Hold your head up. Act happy because kindness kills. He's going to wonder why you are happy? and might even think that it is his lost. Don't be so quick to take his calls. Let him call a couple of times. Make him sweat a little. If you don't, then you will lose him for sure if you truly haven't yet. One question you should think deeply about......If you were unhappy, would you sacrifice your happiness for another?
2007-10-31 06:25:55 · answer #6 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparantly he has not been up front with you. OR you havent been paying attention. Since he lives with you, then it's HE who must leave. Why would you want someone around who doesnt wish to be. PLEASE be strong for yourself, and insist that he make a quick exit. Be THANKFUL that you did NOT have a child. He probably would not have been supportive in that respect.
2007-10-31 06:20:12 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats the fastest way to get rid of him. Tell him if he wants to leave, to pack his stuff and don't let the door hit him in the @#$ on the way out. Tell him that you can do alot better.
2007-10-31 06:03:35 · answer #8 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Face it - it's over - you must let go and move on..... Quit being that clingy freak everyone is annoyed of, get your life together, it's not over, it's only beginning!
2007-10-31 06:05:27 · answer #9 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why are you trying to get pregnant by a boyfriend?
I for one am glad it's ending. If he wants out, let him go.
2007-10-31 06:01:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋