A story of a teenage irresponsible mom. (PS: Im not proud of this)?

Question

I am 17 years old, I already had a 1 year old baby. I believed that in spite of what happened to me, of how much hurt I felt, and how much I have hurt the ones who cares for me, still, I haven't changed. After I gave birth, still, I am the party-goer, a smoker, an irresponsible mom, a spoiled brat daughter, a lazy young girl who do nothing but self-centered business. Yes, I am aware of how bad I am, and I've always wanted to change but never It does happen to me.
My parents are the ones I hurt the most but then I am aware of how I talk **** them. The father of my baby, yes, We are still together in spite of what happened. But my parents have no idea about it. We always have sex even if we already had mistaken once, we are hard headed. Besides of wanting having sex with him, I'm scared of not having it, because he might long for it and have it done with other woman and eventually will leave me and our child.

Now tell me, HOW CAN I HELP MYSELF??? I really need strong advices...please.

Continuation:

I'm not scared of the father of my child would leave me as his girlfriend but I am mostly scared that he would leave me as the mother of my child and my child, who might been called as an illegitimate child, that his father abandoned him and that his father doesn't love him, that he left me and my son even if he can't give any financial support for my child because in the first place he is undergraduate and only has a low paying job.

My parents can really support my baby financially, they hired a maid, babysitter for my child so that I could go school (that's why I'm able to go out for parties).

I know the problem is in me.. and I want to change everything really and I want to start of not having sex with my boyfriend whom besides being the father of my child, I love really and most of all I cant resist having sex with him for me is the most hardest part.

Continuation:

I love the father of my child, my heart would definitely break and I would definitely cry a river when I saw him again with another woman.
We have common friends and common interest that's why it's hard for me to get rid of him.
He is close with my family and he is a good father the only problem with him is he is...
He always wanted to have sex with me and it seems that he only want me for sex and doesn't want me to break up with him because of sex I feel so stupid for letting these happen even if I am aware of what's happening..

I hope you guys really get what I mean..
This life of mine is a very serious and complicated that every wrong step can ruin everything.

I don't know..am I just paranoid? Am i very weak? Am I really stupid or a fool?

What ever I may be..

I want to make everything go right!!!!

hahay.. I want to cry I'm really still a kid!!

Answer 1

How can you help yourself? Just do it. Break away from that partying circle of friends. It will be hard at first, but you need to do this for your baby.

You know you're like this - that's a major step right there. Most girls your age don't recognize it and blame everyone else for their problems.

As for the sex with your boyfriend...if he were to leave you for someone else who'll give him sex, you don't need that kind of jerk in your life anyway. If you are going to keep having sex, make sure you are using at least two forms of birth control, or you'll have another kid before you know it.

I know a girl like this - had a baby around the same time you did...now she's 23 and still acting like this. Every Facebook status update she writes is about the 'party' or 'how drunk/hungover' she is. Do you want to be that pathetic of a person in 5 or 6 years?

Your adulthood has started early. Grow up. You'll have time for responsible partying later on - you can still have fun, but you need to sit down and have a very serious talk with your parents about wanting to make a change for the better, and that you've realized you need their help and guidance.

Cut out the partying and crap. Once you're away from it, and are leading a normal life, you won't miss it nearly as much as you think.

And quit smoking too...set a healthy example for your daughter.

Answer 2

First all I have to say I'm surprised because you haven't gotten a lot of rude responces. Yay for Yahoo!

Ok, secondly you say things never happens for you. Lose those thoughts now. You have to MAKE changes, it doesn't do it alone. You must work hard.

I was a bit like you too. I stopped going to parties. Stop smoking, your doctor will be able to help you with this. Even possibly the health department. Get into a parenting class, they will help you learn how to deal with your child and it's a great support system and a lot of the parents in the class will either be going through what you are or they probably already have. It would be good to have someone to talk to who has already done what you are doing now. If you want to have sex, then use protection. If you don't then don't. If the guy leaves you for that then he's not the right guy. There are many decent and kind men out there who are willing to wait and take their time. You do not have to rush into sex again.

I had my son when I was 18 and I had my foster parents help. After I had my son something in me snapped and I did get out of control for about a year. Thank GOD I had them to help me out. I didn't know what to do and I wanted to be young still. I had to learn the hard way that my "teen years" were finished for me. And it was my fault. I finally learned to be a mother first and if I had a boy friend him and sex came third because my foster family came second.

As far as your attitude with your parents you need to just let it go. Apologize to them, explain to them how you are feeling and that you aren't coping with life too well. They already know that but if you own up to your problems they may be more willing to help you.

The best thing I can offer you is take it a little at a time. You can't make all these changes in one day. It does take time. Do one little step at a time. You'll be amazed at how quickly things can and will change.

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Recognizing your shortcomings is the first step. Now, it's time to evaluate yourself. Figure out what the positives are and the negatives. If your boyfriend is a negative, you might rethink your relationship. Go to your parents and talk to them about trying to make things better.

Set small goals at first like stopping the partying. It's got to be hard not being able to be with your friends, but your child has to come first. Set aside one to two days per month that are for you to spend time with your friends. I guarantee if you start playing with and spending time with your child, you will realize that your child is much more entertaining than a bunch of drunks at a party, and you won't have a hangover.

Until you quit smoking altogether, smoke outside, away from your child when there's someone there to watch her or when she's sleeping..

Get a job. It's not going to pay a lot, and there's no shame in working at a restaurant.

Those are your first goals. All you have to do is break them down one by one. Don't try everything at once because you will fail because you'll get discouraged.

If you're going to have sex with your boyfriend, get on birth control pills or use condoms and get tested for STD's regularly. The health department does the tests for free and will give you birth control.

Don't assume that people can change immediately. It is trial and error, but you have to make a good life for your child.

Answer 4

Good for you for realizing that you have a problem, that is very mature of you, now that you know that you have a problem, it's time to fix it. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you should give your baby up for adoption. There are so many wonderful people out there who are crying out for a child and can't have one of their own. You know that things are hard for you, and if you really love him, you will let him have two parents who love him with all their hearts and can take care of him in the best possible way. The next thing you need to do is have your parents put some of the money that you say they have into helping you to get help. You need to go to counseling, and get help with your insecurities so that you can get away from your babies father and also get away from the party scene. We all make mistakes, it's now just about making those mistakes right. Good luck, I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, or if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me.

Answer 5

Well, as it seems you know what you are doing wrong as a parent and as a daughter, are you raising your child or are your parents? If you are, how do you have time to go to parties and such? How do you find a babysitter for those things? I too am a young mom, I was 17 when I got pregnant, 18 when I gave birth, I am now 19, and am soon throwing a 1st birthday party. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I quit school, got a job, and left the daddy, he was abusive, even when I was pregnant. I took responsibility for my actions and my child. Here is my advice to you:
1. realise that the one you are hurting the most is your child, your parents may be hurting too, but not near as much as your child.
2. quit going to parties, just say no I have to stay with my child.
3. find a job, anywhere, even mcdonald's it works until you can find something better
4. if the daddy is not working let him find someone else to have sex with, he is not a responsible father, make him be or don't let him be in the child's life influencing him/her in negative ways, for once think of your child not yourself, no matter how much you love him. if he is going to cheat, he will do it whether or not you sleep with him.
5. spend quality time with your baby, find out his/her dislikes and likes.
6. don't be mean to your parents, they want to help you but not to raise you and your child.
7. always remember there will be some great guy that will love you and your baby, do not use the excuse of "No one wants a single mom" because some guys do and they are great guys (I know I found one of those great guys). You just have to let go of your baby's daddy, or make him step up and be the kind of father he should be.
8. Know that changing is not something that comes overnight, it takes time and you have to try, you can't do it for a week then give up. Also, changing is something you control, not anyone else.

This is my advice to you, best wishes and good luck, keep me posted as to how things turn out. You can email me, just look at my profile.

Answer 6

Sit down and really think about what you want to change in your life. Where you want to be in 1 year, 5 years...10years. Write it down, and make a commitment to you and your child to make some positive changes in your lives.

You have a child who should now be your first priority. Maybe you can start with only going out to party once a month. And start spending some quality time with your child, boyfriend and parents.

See if your boyfriend will take parenting classes with you.

Take full advantage of your parents help, and get good grades so that you can get a good job and take over the full time job as being your child's number one caregiver.

Answer 7

I think you need to stop partying so much, smoking hurts you and your child and you need to learn to take care of your baby. I wouldn't say never go out again but you have to realize your baby needs you more then you need to be with your friends a a party. Techincally the father of the child can't leave you and the baby cause you yourself aren't really with the baby, are you? I'd say stop blaming yourself for the past and try and be the best mom you can be from now on.

Answer 8

yea your not stuipd are any of them things that people might call you.....you just dont get what it really mean to be a mother.....you might think you can still be a kid but you cant.....your a mother now you got a kid......so start act like you have one instead of being one......you can make the choice your strong enough to have one but not strong to keep to care of it.....you seem like a smart preson and you know you mistake....so that the first step now you need to make the second one by telling your boyfriend that you wont....let you and him have sex that much and the others one will come along great......just dont be a lli kid now look into your child eyes and you will know thats it you two against the world......just dont be scare to let the old thingsgo and look at the new ones that is coming soon to your life......just make it up to every one you hurt make them see you for what you are......not the other way aroung....supprot yourself when you finish in school....thats all i can say the rest is up to you!!!make it right!!! and it will be perfect....look even if you say whats on your mind to your boyfriend and he trully love then he wont leave you and your child for nothing in the world......i hope this help and god bless.

Answer 9

I would start by finding a different circle of friends. Perhaps a church in your area would have a youth group just full of teens and a few you could connect with. It should be a group that is non judge-mental but that would give you the resources that would help you change your life for the better. Perhaps the first thing they could do is help you find a way to quit smoking. I myself was rebellious in my early 20's though (never smoked) and I was told to pray that God would prepare me for the boyfriend that he would have me eventually marry. It sounds like that sex is an addiction for you just like your cigarettes are. I hope things work out but as I said look for a church with a youth group of kids your age. I am not making any suggestion as to the kind of religion you should look for just one that is open and not judging with the resources to help you change.

Answer 10

first off, if the father only wants you for sex then break up before you have baby # 2 then go to court and sue him for child support that way you MUST get it from him.

stop going to the parties. when you are invited say, sorry i cant i have to take care of the baby. do all your school work then get a job. when your baby is older go to college.

you can make something of your life you just need to work hard.