I told him I AM DONE with the alcohol, pot and gambling. Get treatment or if you are not ready to quit we need to separate until you are ready, if you never get ready, then I guess we ultimately divorce. Basically, I want him OUT OF THIS HOUSE and OUT OF MY SITE, it repulses me to look at him one more day. 2 days went by, I asked if he knew what he was going to do. He said "of course not" "this is a huge decision, and I don't know, I need some time to think about this" I told him, just the fact that he needs time, tells me the answer and he gave his usual passive aggressive answer. Ok, if you know everything....I then asked what he thinks is reasonable, he said a week. What do I do for the week. My son as school so it is not like I can go away for a week, and do you think it is reasonable.
2007-10-31 02:48:18 · 40 answers · asked by Rachel☺ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, we have the home together. If it was apartment. I would leave yesterday.
2007-10-31 02:52:03 · update #1
circle the date on the calendar...and mark that day as "decision day"... ask him again on that day...that very morning!... if he wants more time, tell him time is up! get treatment now, or it's divorce... if he agrees to treatment, have him go for treatment at that moment! if he has to work, make him call off! if he does not go, divorce... good luck! this is serious business here... family, or his party life... if he has to miss work to go in for treatment, so be it! now, or never!
2007-10-31 02:55:38 · answer #1 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
An "ultimatum" means that you have taken control of your life, you have made a decision for yourself (and your family) and it is not up for negotiation.
I am so sorry for you. I have been there, addictions are powerful things. But, I encourage you to really take control for yourself and your son. You didn't issue an ultimatum, you made yet another threat! "Do this....or else!"
Do you really want him to get help? Have you really tried everything you can try? He doesn' t have a huge decision-and his lame talk is just that. If you are really done- help his decision along-the next time he is gone, put his clothes in boxes and bags and move them outside the house. Change the locks, and put a notice on the door that says he cannot come back until he has enrolled in treatment.
don't know how long you have been dealing with it, but when he sees that you are serious, hopefully he will get serious too. Otherwise, you are in for a few more years of threats and broken promises.
And Pray for him.
2007-10-31 03:00:01 · answer #2 · answered by Daisy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You ask him how much time he needed and he said a week. Give him the week and go from there. If you wanted him gone right then and there, then tell him that. To make sudden a decision on a life long change takes some time to formulate and execute. Alcohol or drugs is no easy choice to make unless there is some support by the ones who are closest to the person. I know that you are frustrated with the whole situation, you can either help or hurt it by acting out.
2007-10-31 02:57:19 · answer #3 · answered by Kaya M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he is not done with the alcohol, pot or gambling. I think the week is just an excuse to buy more time. I think, in one week he will say he needs more time.
He did not say I have a problem, I need help, I am going to rehab, will you stand by me? He said he needs a week.
He is not going to change as he thinks he is not doing anything wrong. In his eyes you're a nag. Pack his bags for him and drop them off where he goes and picks up his pot. Let him live with his dealer, since they are the only ones benefiting from your husband. You should not allow your child to be around an alcoholic, pot head, gambler. What kind of example is that?
2007-10-31 02:54:37 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you don't keep your promise, it will only get worse. I know it may be hard, but there are ways to survive without him. Leaving him may be the smack upside the head he needs. If he reforms , then great. If not, then you and your son will be better off. I would make a game plan of a place to go and stay or kick him out but at this point I think you have to stick to your word. Do it for your son at least. That does not sound like a good role model for him to live with, even if he is his Father.
2007-10-31 03:06:20 · answer #5 · answered by phearfaktoree 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The question is not what do you do-but what is he DOING in that week. If he is not contacting anyone for professional assistance, etc. then he is not considering his options. The fact that he considers this a serious decision (choice) shows how addicted he is. GET RID OF HIM. Tell him he has 6 months to get clean and sober- and during that time he is still responsible for the familys welfare (bills, etc.). At the end of 6 months reevaluate the situation. If he is not making a genuine effort to straighten up-file for divorce. Keep in mind that you need to be able to check on his progress by knowing what program(s) he is in.
Dr. Tommy Skelton
2007-10-31 02:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by tskelton155 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is great that you are wanting him to get his life together to be with you. I think if he is a real man he will bear down and get whatever he needs to be with you? You say you have a son? Well assuming the son is his also, i think you should think about the affect your husbands behavior and activities will have on your child as well. Is he a good example of a father?.. If this has been going on for a long time, then i suggest you take action for the well being of your child, yourself, and your marriage, and put him out NOW and tell him to do his duty and get his self together, and dont forget to tell him that you are doing this because you love him and you want have a happy stable nmarriage and family life with him in it. :)
2007-10-31 02:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by brittanybgulley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't seem that he is ready to get the help he needs. Unfortunately, an ultimatum is not going to push him into realizing that he needs to change his ways to save himself and his family. People in these circumstances tend to need to hit rock bottom before they are ready to get help. That way, the only way to look is up. If I were you (obviously easier said than done), I would probably separate and see what happens. Good luck :)
You should attend an Al-anon meeting, with your son or without. There are a lot of people that are in or have been in similar situations.
2007-10-31 02:54:24 · answer #8 · answered by Summer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a suggestion -- take care of YOU right now...
Try Alanon (support group for those whose lives have been affected by alcoholism) and OPEN Narcotics Anonymous meetings.... you will be surprised how many people are living the same life and have the same issues as you right now... and you probably need the support.
Both groups have websites, and phone numbers. You can probably find out about meetings by doing a Yahoo search for each group.
Meanwhile, an addict really doesn't care about anything but his fix... you are last on the list of things he cares about. Please take care of yourself, and get the help YOU deserve and need.
sending all best wishes.
2007-10-31 02:59:36 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call 911 and ask for a protection order. Explain the alcohol and drugs.
Call your states Health and Human Services division.
Call the Salvation Army.
Call the Red Cross.
Any of these can help you, just explain the problem.
2007-10-31 02:57:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋