Why are we only allowed to love/be with one person at a time?

Question

I've always wondered about this because we can have as many pets, friends, objects, aquaintances, etc. in our lives, but when it comes to love we're only allowed to be with one person at a time. I happen to love two different men and always have, but am unable to really "be" with both of them because of my being married to one of them. In a perfect world I'd be able to love them both openly, without hurting anyone, and although I know this is totally unrealistic, I often wonder why society has been set up this way. I also wonder if anyone else ever feels these things too.....

Answer 1

because you can't do it without hurting someone - if not the men then the kids
it's hard enough to maintain a stable, healthy and loving relationship with one lover (check the divorce/split rates) so for a triangle to survive is almost impossible.
It is not a stable and healthy situation for any offspring - how do they learn to be intimate, loving and trusting when they see how you act.
the concepts of loyalty and commitment are not possible in a triangle.

Answer 2

It is a matter of convention that people are with one person at a time. There is nothing per se wrong with being with more than one person. There is only a problem to the extent you hurt or injure someone else. It's only a problem if those involved consider there to be a problem.

If it's going to cause a problem with your husband if you told him you are also attracted to someone else then obviously you can't. On the other hand, your husband might be of the type that he'd love the chance to see some other woman too, you never can tell. Maybe he also has someone on the side and doesn't want to admit it.

There are a lot of people involved in open marriages. For some people it works; some people would not be able to do it or it would cause problems. I have heard of some cases where there is a threesome where the three of them - two men and one woman - live in the same home, openly, and the two men share her.

Most women are much more sexual than men and have far more capacity. I've never understood why women put up with the typically low levels of sex they get from monogamous relationships. But again, it's just convention, there's nothing in nature that makes a non-monogamous relationship per se "right" or "wrong." In fact, I do not think humans are designed to be monogamous, it's a choice.

Human semen has a characteristic in it that acts like spermicide against other sperm. This implies the purpose is to try to kill off other sperm if launched into a woman that is sexually active with other partners.

I doubt that such a capacity would exist unless it was necessary, which implies that women are biologically just as likely to have multiple partners as men. And of course, men are basically "always on" when it comes to being interested in having sex, quite potentially with many women.

Answer 3

First of all, I don't want to criticise you for the way you feel because nobody can 'help' the way they feel, at least you are being open about it. Also it is the way you deal with your feelings that matter, not the actual feelings themselves.

I suppose the best way for me to answer your question is by giving you my point of view from my situation.

I have a boyfriend and i love him completely, and loving someone else would change the definition of love for me..

I don't believe you love the two men half and half, you probably love each one completely but with a different type of love.. there are so many different types of love out there, it's so complex.

The love i have for my boyfriend cannot be shared or compromised by anything else ..because the love i have for him is the type of love that can only exist if he's the only one i am giving that love too. If you see what i mean. Part of the definition of love (of a patner) for me, is the fact that i can only feel this love for one person at a time.

It's probably more complicated that that.. because there are so many different types of love..

There are people who live in housholds altogether- for example a man and three women, who all share the man..

These things do exist and if they aren't hurting each other then i don't see why they shouldn't do what they like.. although i wonder what their histories are? Perhaps they feel comfortable in this type of relstionship for the wrong reasons, however until i know the full story i would never pass bad judgment on them- who am i to judge?

Either way, know that you are not alone, there are plenty of poeple out there who feel exactly like you do.. i hope you find a way to resolve this problem, as it seems to be playing on your mind..

Take care- Abi

Answer 4

You;ve asked a question that is as old as time itself. Our human makeup would not allow this type of relationship to last. Jealousy would creep in and destroy the relationship. Even if the world were perfect, human beings never will be. You can love two different men as long as they love only you. The minute one or both start loving another woman your perfect world crumbles. Think about it.........

Answer 5

Some societies are polygamous. I think the Mormons in Utah are. You ask a good question, though. Nowadays with so many diseases running around, I want to know that my girlfriend is only with me. However, why has it always been this way? Good bloody question. It would be damn good fun, would it not, if we could get with whomever we wanted without fear of disease or illegitimate children.

Answer 6

well you just have to have a open relationship with your husband. my husband and i are very open in our relationship and i have a girlfriend that i love very much. and he doesn't feel that i love him any less. i don't care about what other people think of our relationship because its not their business to know what we do in the Private of our home and as long as we are happy and not hurting each other then their is no reason why you cant love more then one person at a time.

Answer 7

The articles below will give you insight into the question .
I am sure that lots of people have had and still do have the same feelings as you .

Answer 8

choices but we cant make the word true love stand up in sexual intimacy=purposed for marriage to any one but the marriage partner Genesis 2:14 The man and wife shall leave their parents and become one flesh.
two sides to the coin-first you are a precious person, first needing salvation as we all do, to repent even of one lie and come to Jesus to see clearly -this is the prayer that changed me from my past to a new life=

"Jesus forgive my sins, come into my heart and help me, be my friend, amen." Jesus promises in the bible

in Noahs day as in today the love of many has turned to lust and hearts have waxed cold to true love=
it is true the the end of the end times is near, yet be careful "No man knoweth the day or the hour." & "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise of return, but is long suffering not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."
Our job as believers is to share the gospel, to all the world, to give them salvation and hope
"As it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be at the second comming."
Acts chapters 1&2 tell of Jesus bodily return as He left, yet spiritually he is here to come into our heart and be our best friend to forgive our sins when we repent and ask Him in. John chapters 3&10 for the more abundant life,

Revelation 3:19&20 Jesus stating His love for each of us and knocking on our heart door to come in

yet decieved by what the words love and marriage mean.

we have a free will, we can chose to hate someone, which is what adultry means, and be in lust with another person.

DAvid the sweet pea, in Jesus amazing grace prayin for you too,your a precious person destroying your and others lives by the deception you chose to follow and helping others to be decieved too, as they join to endorse what is against your marriage, children, God and most of all yourself.

Answer 9

You'll have to ask GOD, he is the one that made us all, set up the earth, and how life should be carried out. As far as loving someone, you can love as many people as you want, but only be married to one.

Answer 10

I think it's possible to have deep, strong feelings for more than one person at once, it's all about compatibility.