2007-10-29 21:53:04 · 19 answers · asked by :-) 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no... this doesn't involve cheating or physical violence -- it stems mainly from his drinking in the past
2007-10-29 22:07:39 · update #1
i appreciate your answers
2007-10-29 22:09:03 · update #2
Depends on what he did. If it is cheating, try counseling. If he beat you, call the police and don't look back!!!
2007-10-29 21:56:32 · answer #1 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have the same problem...I am happy, and love the guy I'm with quite dearly, but there are pieces of the past that make me feel hollow, that I am terrified of facing again...
...and the problem is that you never can tell. I'm the once bitten, twice shy type that doesn't do well walking blindly into situations...but sometimes, love needs a little blind faith. A little hope.
My cynical side explains it like this: How can he hang himself if you never give him any rope?
I hope you see my point. In order to build trust up enough in order to fall back in love, you have to give him some trust to work with. Decide whether the chance at a lifetime with him is worth the risk of those demons resurfacing. Maybe it is - maybe it isn't.
In my case, I'd risk it all again for him. I still have my moments where a thought seems to lodge itself in my mind, and I spend the rest of the day worried about it. I'm a cynic by nature and therefore suspicious, which hurts both of us. Most times, I figure that if something bad is going to happen again, I'll find out when it does...and I will always know that I tried.
Don't give up...at least, not yet. Especially when it comes to things like alcoholism, etc. Alcoholics fight their addiction every. single. day. It is a conscious decision that they have to make, and (just like you trying to trust and love him again) these things not only take time, but have their ups and downs.
He needs your patience, and so does your relationship as a whole. Take baby steps, and go from there.
Good luck!
2007-10-29 22:25:29 · answer #2 · answered by unithoRn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I read this self help book and its basic advice is that you are in control of your feelings and thoughts, ergo: if you want to forgive him you need to make the decision to control your thoughts to do so. Once you have made that decision you are beginning to consciously strengthen your mind to reject any feelings and thoughts that drag you where you don't want to be. (figuratively speaking)
In the same way that paranoia can snowball and grow upon itself, you can turn things around into positive growth: slowly build a solid foundation towards your goals. So just tackle each moment of fear/worry/pain, little by little, take it as it comes and do your best to overcome it. Focus on your goals to grow.
On another note: I think it is a very gracious and noble thing to forgive someone, however that isn't the same as forgetting what someone has done. Everyone should learn from their mistakes and that includes victims. There is no point in forgiving someone if that really only means you are letting them continue to do the wrong thing.
Good luck!!
and last but not least: way off topic, but I love your avatar :)
2007-10-30 00:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first step would be to acknowledge that you love him still. The second would be to forgive him. You do not have to say anything to him about forgiving him but in this forgiving I mean letting go of the pain that it caused you. It is easier said than done and requires an active participation on your part. Such as whenever you feel angry about it you need to think of the good things now. You will never forget the things he did but you can let go of what happened.
2007-10-29 22:39:00 · answer #4 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes husbands can be conniving Assholes but guess what..If its your past hurts..you have to work hard to get past them..Im going through this right now w/ mine..He cheated on me AGAIN mentally and emotionally..worst of all spiritually..He hurt me bad this time...I had just had a baby...He wasnt there for me he was there for others..on the internet..I still love him..but feel up and down..right now..about what to do...I believe in staying..but not putting up with it...why dont you email or Im me and tell me more..so I can answer your question better...All I can tell you is you take care of yourself to be a better person so that you can have love again..Emotional scars are very hard and take alot of time..and if he cannot understand that then you know what to do...you dont want to become bitter person...Im trying to fight that right now and its real hard....So just hang in there... Youll get through this bad patch...;))
2007-10-29 22:04:16 · answer #5 · answered by Sydney 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are one person on a planet full of billions of people. At the end of the day, if he cheated (im guessing here) does it really matter? If the answer is yes, then you will never love/trust him again. If the answer is no, the you can love him again. The real issue is how much of your precious life will you waste trying to figure it out. Life is fun, live it!
2007-10-29 21:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
think of the damages you are causing to you life, think of all the nice moment you had with this man, think positively that he will never do it again because he loves you and when he did choose to marry a woman in this world he did choose you and only you...
think of the future as you two together with the kids and how wonderful father he would be because you gave him this gift no on else..
let go of the past because IT IS PAST , every1 do a mistake and that's ho we are as human-being
2007-10-29 22:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by great woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to make it up in your mind that you are going to forgive him for whatever he did to hurt you and move beyond it if you want to be with him. The ome thing people don't understand is that you have to truely forgive a person for what they did to you in order to move on. Once you forgive him in your heart you can forget about whatever happened. You may also need counseling together. But ultimately it is up to you if you want to open yourself up to him again. If not be honest with yourself enough to say that and don't play games with yourself. If you know you can't get past what he did it is time to let him go.
2007-10-29 22:00:09 · answer #8 · answered by cinnamon35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how much you love this man first of all.
Second of all, Do what must be done if you truly want to be with him.
3rd of all, just a little advice, you best do something because you never know of the day he might not be their for you to get back.
2007-10-29 21:57:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
actually this is a good step in doing so, by asking this.
i think you cant do this alone, ask your hubby to help you in going thru this process. loving really is not just about the emotion but theres a responsiblity that bounds to it.
2007-10-30 00:36:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.. i dun know what hurt he had done to you but I think that you shld set yourself a limit. if you are really so inlove with this man, just tell yourself that now, everything starts from zero. love him th way u used to. tell urself that he is the man that u used to know. but if he repeats his mistake, just leave him. becos if he do not treasure you the 2nd time, u can just do w/o this man. live well!
2007-10-29 22:04:32 · answer #11 · answered by veramira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋