We work different shifts so we can switch babysitting (by his choice because he wants a lot of material things), and because his mother, who has babysat her entire adult life decided she would only help her daughters out with babysitting. It is expensive, when we priced it, it would have been over $1000 a month (2 kids), but what's the point in being married when we're really not?? We see each other in passing & when we are home together, he's on the computer or watching TV. We've NEVER had a meal together as a family at the dinner table. I've voiced my concerns that I don't feel like it's a marriage, nothing changes. Should I just leave?? He refuses to go to counseling, by the way.
2007-10-29 21:08:48 · 13 answers · asked by mom of 2 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm in a similar situation...I make great money 6 digits, have a home, a wonderful dog, but my wife is just always angry and stressed. I have tried helping her cope with her stresses but to no avail. Nothing seems to make this woman happy...So I come home nothing, we have dinner nothing, talking never is that, instead it becomes an argument about past deeds...Like she can never forget the past and move forward. I am starting to see divorce as my only alternative. I am still young...36 and a lot going for me. I just want a life where I can come home and it is joy most of time compared to the dread that I come home to now. I am seeking therapy for myself and have asked her to come...She does not want to go saying it is me....If I were you, I would go to therapy. Then plan you moves. Maybe there is hope, but maybe is not a strong word either.
2007-10-30 02:09:47 · answer #1 · answered by Where Has The Love Gone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not a reason to get divorced. This is something you both agreed on to save you money. I am sure though that you did not think that he would gravitate to the computer or to the tv. It is difficult when one seems to be indifferent to the marriage or to you or the kids. This is your marriage though. I suggest that you continue to talk with him about it. Use stories to help him understand. He is probably thinking you do not understand that he wants to relax. Ask him if there is a way you all can relax together. Ask him if you all can have a family time. Pick a time when all of you are at home at the same time and do something together, picnic, cards, games, drawing, something everyone can do. Even if it seems stupid it would be something the kids enjoyed with both of you. It will take work and you will be tired of it but if you can get him to understand at least one day a week and stick to it then your family will be that much together.
2007-10-30 05:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
welcome to my night mare I lost my wife for the same reasons as you are having now tell him directly no more nights find a job during the day do you both have to work can you work part time? but what ever you do do not give up find a solution he will work with you if he really loves you and if you really love him you both will find an answer together Marriage is work too and you both need to put the effort into it material things can be replaced hurt and the loss of the one you would die for can not. I now live alone away from my kids away from my wife away from my life. Think both of you clearly listen to each other and do not be so damn proud of the things cars TV etc be proud of your family your husband and wife your kids they are irreplaceable no money in the world can replace them and no money in the world can fix or take away the sorrow you will feel. show him this answer this is from a broken and beaten heart who lost it all for what WORK.
2007-10-30 04:28:19 · answer #3 · answered by mc52132000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look...the question you need to answer is...do you love him? unfortunately nowadays...there are no "leave it to beaver" households. Most marriages have two people working..taking children to daycare...and different schedules. Sounds like you need to work on the little quality time you have together and focus on that. However...if you are falling out of love with him...you need to let him know that. If he really loves you..he will try to do everything he can to get you to fall back in love. Its so sad to see people work so little on what should be the biggest priority in thier lives...FAMILY!!
2007-10-30 08:03:35 · answer #4 · answered by Cubsfan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its too soon to think about divorce...maybe there is still a chance of saving your marriage...i think you should have another talk to your husband...sit him down and tell him how unhappy you are with your marriage....tell him that you feel that you are both drifting apart and that you have even given divorce a thought...this might shock him into reality that something is indeed wrong with your marriage...i feel that your husband doesnt realize that what's happening is affecting you this much...i feel that he thinks that its just a simple bump in your marriage...telling him that its worse than he thinks it is, might make him realize the gravity of the situation...once you've gotten his attention, tell him everything you feel up to the minutest detail...be patient also when he tells you the things he doesnt like in your marriage...work things out and compromise....
2007-10-30 04:24:32 · answer #5 · answered by geisha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's tough... less communication and family time are some of the major reasons why couple fall out of love... for marriage to last, it needs nourishment such as kind and loving words, healthy conversation, time together.... Try to talk to him and discuss your concerns... if it won't work out, since he doesn't want to go to counselling, you can ask your parents or his parents to talk to him or with you around...make it casual so he'll feel comfortable... and don't forget to pray this to God... God is the author of marriage and He doesn't want marriages to break... Am sure God will help both of you...
2007-10-30 04:21:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are unhappy with things the way they are. tell him that material things should not be more important than the relationship between you. Ask him if he still loves you, and tell him that if he does, you two will have to work out another much better situation.
2007-10-30 04:16:24 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not really married. Sounds allot like the Clinton's EXCEPT they made a pact.
First he'd be President, then Hillary would.
At least they have "raw, shameless unrestrained ambition" in common.That's their glue.
What's yours? Loneliness?
2007-10-30 04:32:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is not a solution.
I'm sure there is a solution for this.
maybe you ought to stop looking at his short comings.
2007-10-30 04:17:39 · answer #9 · answered by jace 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You wont have babies to sit forever. Bite the bullet for now.
2007-10-30 04:29:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋