Seriously, what is wrong with men?

Question

Every single male I know is not worth the time of day.

My father left us when I was 3.
My step dad was an alcoholic, gambling addict and left our family and stole all our money.
My brother is the rudest person I know. He has no manners, he expects everyone to drop everything for him.
I was raped when I was 15 by someone I thought I could trust.
I was sexually abused by a family friend.
My Grandfather is rude and so grumpy all the time.
The boys at my school only talk about their penises.
And now, the only descent male I thought was left in my life has just thrown it all back in my face. I needed someone to talk to and he told me to go away.

Are there actually any males out there that aren't complete jerks? Because I'm having serious trouble finding one.

It's a bit hard when you're 17 and still at school. Trust me, I've tried.

I've tried counselors. The last one (who was also a male) spent our sessions telling me about his affairs and trying to make me come along to his church, even though I made it very clear I didn't share the same religion.

Kiwi- Thanks for making me laugh, but you forgot Mr and Mrs Potato Head lol.

Answer 1

Dear Sarah,

Empathy is a great quality, and the world would be a better place, if more people had more of it. However, excessive empathy can be a liability to those of us who manifest it. We are always taking care of everyone else, and neglect ourselves. We are also disappointed, when others don't take care of us, the way we take care of them.

This phenomenon, has been given the name codependency, those who experience it are sometimes called codependents. It was first identified in the families of alcoholics, hence the name.

Following is an educational link on codependency:

http://www.homesteadschools.com/LCSW/Courses/Codependency/text.htm

I recommend, you study the various articles and points of view carefully, and see how the theory fits with you, your friends and family. You can't change others. You can change how you relate to others, and you do have control over, who you allow to be part of your life.

Larry

P.S.

I apologize in advance, for the single religious reference in one of the articles; please ignore it.

Answer 2

After reading your post...
I'm sorry that you had to go through all that...
Try joining a "support"-group, as in just a group of people coming together having some fun.
I'm a Christian youth leader, and we have a youth programme.
I'm sure you could probably find something somewhere that would fit you.

By the way. I believe everything happens for a reason. Keep your chin up. Stay positive.
If you get through this, you will be an ambassador for women who have the same problems. And perhaps you can even help them. Let that motivate you.
But first. Help yourself. You are strong. You CAN get through this.

By the way. I'm a guy

Answer 3

believe it or not there are some fantastic men out there, you just have to know where to look. nobody can make excuses for what has happened to you, and none of it is your fault. your brother is probably harbouring some issues though, regarding the father and step father situation, as you probably know, your father and step father would have been the role models for your brothers behaviour. this doesnt make it right though. maybe you should talk to him, him may not even know he is the way he is. you also need to talk to someone (ie a psychotherapist) about what has happened to you, if you havent already, they will help you deal with what happened as well as give you some more self confidence. as for the boys at your school, all boys are like that, and maybe making friends with some girls wouldnt be a bad idea, but be choosy, as you will probably confide in them your deepest darkest secrets. as for the guy who told you to go away, it could be that he had more on his mind thatn you know about, and he is finding it hard to deal with his problems as well as yours (he could have been a bit nicer though). you never know, he might have been the nice guy you are looking for and may care about you a hell of a lot, which then it would hurt him to see you in so much pain.
sorry about the long winded reply, but i hope i helped..

Answer 4

Nothing is wrong with men, in totality, except to women who desire maleness to be both different and the same as femaleness. To address the surface question, the love of inanimate objects, men don't love all inanimate objects, they love inanimate objects that express love of craftsmanship, status, and an ideal of the life they think they should being living. Some of these loves are rational, and some are not, but generally they reflect a male-centric view of life as a contest between reality and man, and man against man. Men glory in the pursuit of status, being better then other men, and proving that they're more than an equal in the contest against nature. If a man doesn't have status yet, he will still dream of the possessions he'll have when he does. Strangely most women love the power of men with status, yet have disdain for the objects of status that are not directed at them. For most women love the feeling of protection, of security, that men with status have, give off, radiate, but seem not to realize when they're with a man who doesn't yet have it, that they still desire it. If a man loves a woman, and wants a better car, he's saying I need to raise my status to be equal to the women I love. For a man it's not woman against object, but better object justifies the woman I love, keep, and have. Whereas women see the scarcity of money with their current man as a risk, an insecurity (the most feared of all things in woman kind), and thus fail to see that a man idealizing the great inanimate object can lead to resolving the insecurity. Of course, some men just dream, but a smart woman will let him dream, but push him towards its actualization. So my esteemed opinion is relax and let your man enjoy his illogical dreams of the present, but help him over come his present vices so the illogical present becomes the actualized future.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with men, what is wrong is with individuals. It is your misfortune that so many jerk males came your way. You counted all bad men, did you try to count good men too? The man on street who tried to help you with your busted tyre, the man in the bus who left his seat for you, the man, may be a friend, who opened car door for you, the male teacher in your school who went out of the way to help you with our maths, the man you served in your restaurant who gave you a large tip for your good services, the man who gave you solace when you were completely down on the internet, the man who is waiting for you for the last so many years etc.?

May be you have not come across all the men listed above but surely there were men in your life, howsoever b riefly, who cared for you without any expectations.

It is a human tendency that we remember only the bad things happened in our life but forget to count our blessings.

Then, do you think only bad men are roaming this planet? What about bad women? No, I am not being MCP or genderist but only trying to tell you that there are good and bad people be they men or women. My own experience of 58 years across the globe is that there are more than 90% good people, men and women included.

Come out of your shell and start counting your blessings, you will find there were many good men in your life too. Be feminist but don't be male-hater lest the life becomes difficult for you.

God bless you.

Answer 6

Hi Wabby, Your life sound like my life but I am still hanging in there. I also thought I was the luckiest gal around. I did find my soul mate but after long distant relationship for 2 years and flying to his state and spend 10 days with him he kind of just drop me but said, We are real soul mates but I can't live with someone or change my life style,he wants to stay friends and keep in contact. He is still a good man but Sweetie that's how life is. I haven't given up on men because I know their are a few good ones still out there.So Please have faith there is someone for you,you just haven't found the right one yet.
A Friend,
poppy1

Answer 7

hang in there.youve just had one hell of a life so far.were not all assholes.i wish the best for you because more than likely your going to or probably already do have major trust issues when it is going to involve us.i wish i could of been the most recent friend of yours because what i need more than anything right now is a female friend.not trying to get a laugh from the guys.lifes a strange place.it'll be alright.it'll all work out.

Answer 8

I agree that not ALL men are jerks, but it seems like all the men you have met are. You need a change of scenery girl. Get out of that hell you call "home" and you may start to meet some decent people (even guys)

Answer 9

U have gone through some big difficulties! All I can say is ur plain unlucky regards to males. Hope you find a nice person soon.

Answer 10

wecome to life gurl fuk thats the way things are but Im sure there is mr dot com smarty pants dog loving choclate giving I dont need to study skin cancering addicted to answers year seven got a chin like me and the rest of our family gurl um yeah theres the perfect man out there for you but we are all; man you know and you are women lol