Ok, so recently I was browsing my husbands myspace and I noticed that all of his "friends" were female. You know the type, the ones with the pics of them in skimpy bikinis, etc. Then I decided I had to snoop. All of his messages are along the lines of (from him to the skimpy dressed woman): "can you post more pics of yourself? The last ones were sexy". And, "hey sexy, what about some more pics? Do you like to flirt? feel free to flirt with me"
So I suppose I'm just asking for your general opinion of, do you think this is acceptable in a marriage? AND, am I wrong to be upset?
2007-10-29 19:40:24 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stop it now before he takes it to the next level which is meeting them if he hasn't all ready. By the way how can a wife be snooping nothing should be hidden from each other. My husband is more then welcome to look at myspace and my Q&A answers and he knows it. Sure i think he would be very upset with some of the things i say and the guys i talk to.If he looks then he better be perpaired to see things he might not like.
2007-10-29 20:03:28 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not wrong for you to be upset, he made a commit mend to you the day you got married. If it was my husband and he wouldn't stop I'm not so sure if I would have continued the relationship. I would say if a man looks at another women and thought that she was sexy it's not wrong but if it goes over into action by flirting it is definitely not acceptable. Think about it in this way, would you go and bake yourself a cake if you wouldn't want to eat. Why then flirt if you don't have the intention of having a relationship out of marriage. Speak to your husband and tell him how you fell. If he apologizes accept it, but give him some more attention and make him feel good. If this doesn't help go to a marriage counselor to seek for help and even if he doesn't want to go, go see someone because these things are not to be taken lightly especially when you are married.
2007-10-29 20:12:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you have every right to be upset. I think it is important to talk to your husband about how you feel. I am sure he would feel a bit bugged it the tables were reversed. Some questions to ask him may be: "what are you getting out of engaging with these women? Is it to see a pic of a hot woman.. should I be taking some sexy pics for you?" Is he wanting to go outside the marriage? What is his need to flirt about? Maybe you all should see a marriage counselor. Of course you could just ask him real sweet like to stop... if he does Great... if he puts up a fight... You might wanna think about checking the myspace for handsome men yourself.
2007-10-29 19:53:48 · answer #3 · answered by sweet b 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What does your gut tell you?
No, it is not acceptable, and yes, you are right to be upset.
You are also wrong to snoop.
But then again, better be safe than sorry.
It is obvious that he is set on finding a sex partner outside your marriage.
Even if it was for just some casual verbal attention, he needs more attention, maybe?
He has no sense of loyalty, does he?
Or has he lost interest in you?
Whatever the reasons, he is not showing you proper respect.
This is a sticky problem.
Try to give him some more attention- YOU flirt with him.
If this does not work for some weeks, then confront him- and yourself, and check where you both stand.
God, it is disgusting to be cheated on.
He is already over the line, mentally.
I see nothing stopping him- short of a big alimony cheque.
2007-10-29 19:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by aetheru 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You have got some serious problems looming in the background with this guy. Can't you feel it? You know what he is doing is not right. Flirting can lead to more intense relations. Can you say, "marital infidelity"? Put a stop to this or get out before your marriage implodes.
2007-10-29 20:02:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His behaviour is not acceptable. It is totally wrong.
I remember talking with a guy I thought was single. He told me that he was single. We even spoke on the phone. But something felt wrong. So I did more questioning and he was married! He planned for me to fly down to his hometown, he'd put me up in a hotel and sneak away from his wife to be with me. *gag* All this started with simple flirtations on the net. Then it was more and more - which by the way I never did give to him - and then it all came tumbling out. I found out during this time too that he had been doing this to many women. He saw nothing wrong and told me how terrible his marriage was. *gag*
Needless to say he was quickly kicked to the curb. I'm sharing this because "harmless flirtation" is never harmless. I meet too many men in real life and on the net who come off single but are married. Then it's "oh get over it, it's just a bit of flirting, its nothing."
Well its something! It's something wrong!!
My ex, he was always "flirting" with the ladies - then it moved to hugs and kisses, then to straight out sex. What your husband did is wrong and I'd definitely confront him on this.
I'd also find out what more he has done and make a decision from there if I wanted to remain in the marriage or not.
Another point - my ex hid everything from me. He was hiding because he was cheating. My late boyfriend, he hid nothing from me. I had access to his email and his computer. I knew who he wrote to and where he went on the net. He told me he had nothing to be ashamed of or hide. He didn't. In turn my life was open to him.
If your husband is hiding MySpace from you and you have to go snooping - there is something wrong. And add in online cheating, it builds up to very wrong.
You are not wrong to be upset! But then you already knew that, didn't you.
2007-10-29 19:58:22 · answer #6 · answered by sassi800 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
FIRS ANSWER: This is OK if you accept it. I mean, if he tells you he has this "hobby" and would like to know what you think of it, then you talk it and work it out... That's how it's supposed to be done in marriage, but of course, you CAN'T tell him because: SECOND ANSWER: You shouldn't have gotten into his mail. What's next? His cel phone texts? His wallet? DON'T do this. It shows your lack of trust in your own husband and you become a martyr yourself. If he is to be unfaithful, he will do it no matter what.. Just wait and see if he tells you. If not, subtly try to get some info, but don't go through his stuff again.
2007-10-29 19:50:52 · answer #7 · answered by Yabran Tariga 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you should be upset. If it were simple flirt in passing or just porn, no. But he is actively communicating in an in appropriate manner with other women. Many other women it sounds like...
At this point, there are two ways to handle this. 1) Confront him. Although it may lead to divorce. or 2) Become one of these women that he flirts with. You may find some new sparks in your marriage and he may forget about this myspace thing.
2007-10-29 19:47:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is called Emotional Affair. Your husband needs to be seeing you as attractive and flirting with you. His energy instead is being directed toward strangers. Throw the computer through the window and get his attention. Then make up for it :) He needs to know only 1 woman gets that kind of attention from him.
2007-10-29 19:44:44 · answer #9 · answered by MadGeniusClown 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Of course it's not acceptable.
Let him know that you know and watch him try to come up with a feeble excuse. Tell him to stop or else. Talk to him and find out what's missing in your marriage that made him look elsewhere. Then you can work on it together and hopefully make it good again.
2007-10-30 01:28:02 · answer #10 · answered by cherie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋