I can't STAND this sometimes. My future husband smokes and the smell gets into my hair, clothes, my mouth?

Question

when he kisses me. I turn away sometimes and actually cannot hide my repulsion. The car stinks, his hair stinks, my house stinks. EVEN the dining room RIGHT after a meal. I mean I am not even done eating yet. It makes me want to get up and go to the bedroom and sometimes I have. WTF? I nag and seem like one. I yell and we BOTH feel bad. I insult and demean and it cannot be stopped. Is this a part of life I have to put up with? Aside from this revolting habit he is a perfect partner for me but this is so gross and it is killing him. I tell him, "What like you are the one out of 345,000 that is not going to get cancer from smoking?" He got a clear cancer report from the doc and went right back to smoking. WTF? Has anyone tried that new drug the one that the band member from Edie Brikell and the bohemians mixed with alcohol and supposedly died from? Paxil? There are good and terrible reports like hallucinations - that makes ME want to take it. Anyone have any experience in this?

Answer 1

Probably shouldnt get married until this is resolved for both your sakes????.
Chantix is the new wonder drug....as high as 45% stop smoking with this,while other methods are around 20-28%.If he complains of cost..compare it to a pack of cigs..then multiply how much he is spending a yr...probably 3-4k a yr!!!and how much he will save when he stops.Be supportive if you can.Some studies say that it's as hard as heroin to break.

Answer 2

Gather your strength into the Courage you will ultimately need,
And leave this man, who through his own destruction, will take you.
You mention Paxil?
Yes, the anti-depressant my brother at 25, almost 16 months ago, took with a couple of beers at 10 in the morning . . then jumped into his motorcycle, and at a quarter Mile from his home in California, lost control of the infernal vehicle and straight into a tree which split his skull open on the spot.
My mother is Much quite affected since then, for having touched the very brains, soft and like so many fat worms of her youngest born.
He was also one flirting with Death, although he was a very good man. But Death comes, and plays fatally, especially if you are simply courting withe it.
Save yourself!
Do not marry one of Death's courtiers. They will be far more powerful than ever you would be.
Perhaps I am being too BLUNT withe WHAT I ADVISE, but you must take those blinders off your eyes, before IT IS TOO LATE, senorita!
Good Luck, I mean that!!!
Grecia.

Answer 3

Good grief, you have serious issues with his smoking, so he is not really "perfect" as this will impact your life. There are lots of guys out there that don't smoke and smokers out there that are respectful and won't smoke in a car or in your house so they don't smell it up. Plus of course the inherent health problems to face. Telling him "I told you so" won't help when he is dying of emphysema and you are having to care for him. Or if he dies suddenly. Smokers have a higher rate of sudden death from heart attacks; my daughter's friend lost her dad, the picture of health, at age 42 to a sudden heart attack. Of course he smoked 2 packs a day. Second hand smoke is harmful too, he is harming you by making you inhale his smoke. A good cafe near where I worked prior to our state smoking ban was always busy, but reeked of smoke. The owner went to the doctor complaining of respiratory issues, the doctor told him to quit smoking two packs a day, his lungs were full of tar. He didn't smoke, never had-- all second hand in that smokey cafe. Died about 3 years later from lung cancer. Thanks to other peoples' bad habits and inconsiderate actions.
Moral-- look long and heard at your relationship, is your health worth it? Is smoking bothering you to the point it makes you mad (which it apparently does). Then change the situation--either he quits, or quits smoking in your presence or inside any building where you are, OR you move on to someone that has some consideration for you. If he is so inconsiderate about this issue, what else will be be inconsiderate of? My own experience with heavy smokers is they have little respect for other people, and take advantage of the situation whatever it may be. Self centered, in other words. Good luck, but make YOUR HEALTH your priority.

Answer 4

Hey, I've been on Paxil for 10 years. Don't get me involved!! LOL
Seriously, I always tell people that on your wedding day you should have NO DOUBTS! I understand he's perfect.....Blah Blah Blah. I'm trying to show you the big picture. You're talking about a life with this man. Children, a beautiful home.
I would have to give him an ultimatum....
I wonder what's more important to him; you or smoking.... Good luck. Btw, quitting is easy, if you really want to. :)

Answer 5

I was going to say Chantix also. I have a patient who came in the other day (I work at a dental offc) & she stated she's been smoking for the past 30 yrs & up to a pack a day. BADDDDD
But she was telling me how she's not had a cig in 2wks. She said she's tryin hypnosis, the patch, nicorette gum, acupuncture....pretty much everything, and nothing's worked so far for her but this.
I say give it a shot. It is costly, I think she said abut $100/month for 1month's supply but I agree w/the other comment.....its so worth it when u do the math....cost of cigs a yr & most importantly HIS LIFE!!!

Answer 6

its who he is. If you don't like it, don't expect anything to get better with marriage. Too many people figure things will change with wedding vows.

If its turned you into a nag, and a screaming meanie even tho you don't' want to, time to take a break and re-evaluate who he is and who you are. You obviously don't' like smoking, but he smokes and will smoke. Your choice at this point to make. Maybe this is one point that is hiding other things that also aren't perfect?

Sorry. No pointers on stopping filthy habits.

Answer 7

Don't lecture him about the dangers of smoking.

Just give him the facts, tell him specifically how, when, and where it bothers you.

He can learn to smoke less, change brands, or quit. He can learn to smoke outside. Always with a window down in the car, etc. Ask him to please be more considerate about it. But don't press the health issue. Mention if you like you are worried for his health. But a lecture can just promote spite.

Answer 8

Gosh, sure looks like you and your husband are going to live happily after when you get married. If his not smoking is as important to you as you think it is, good luck if you expect to have a good marriage.

Answer 9

smoking is adictin
he just won't stop smoking a cancer stick. thats sad : (
you should tell him that if he loves you he would quit for you.
put him in that situation. if he is going to get married to you then he should love you enough to quit smoking for you

Answer 10

This is a symptom of other deeper issues that will only become manifest later if they are not treated now in the relationship. Your relationship is ill...