Trouble in Marriage 1 month to leave?

Question

I need help with my marriage.I leave for Iraq Again Dec 8th and all we do is fight about her wanting to goto the bar everynite and I am stuck here training our troops and working. She says she loves me but wants to do what she wants when she wants. Last june she cheated on my and I should have left. But I cant, not she met this guy at the bar and hid him from me till I found out she was calling him when I was gone. I try to work things out but I cant find the heart to walk away. I try to pray or ask people wat to do, most of them tell me to leave her but again I cant seem to leave. I know she will cheat on me again but I dont know what to do. Please let me know I am 21 yrs old and she is 22 no kids been married for 2 years and I been deployed 2 times making this my 3rd time. I love her but i dont know if she loves me anymore. Please let me know what I can do.

Wow thanks for the answer.But its part my fault to. I love the army so I leave when I can because we need the money bills to be paid but yet I pay the bills she spends it at the bar. We fight bout stupid stuff and she blames it on my alot saying I dont listen and I dont care.We went to the bar lastnite and i left to get a call from my friend telling me to go back to the bar.I get up and find her flirting with these 2 guys I ask her what the hell. ''I wasnt doing anything'' she was wasted and stoned,she shows me no affection anymore doesnt care about what happens to me or my jobs. doesnt seem to want to know were iam going or wat i will be doing.she asked me what i want from her, i cant tell her but i said for you not to be around me.iam happier when Iam not with her and around other females.but when its my turn she doesnt want me except for bar money. I have no money to divorce her since I had to pay the bills this month, I would but i cant. tell me how i can fight back and win.

Answer 1

its time to re-evaluate the situation you are in and yourself, youve only got a month so time is of the essence and leaving with a clear mind of what you want for yourself is paramount.

Im not going to say end your marriage (yet, although previous answerers do have a point) however I do think you need to move out and let her know that you have issues with the way she is treating the marriage and that you need time to sort yourself out, use this time wisely. I know most men dont read books (and I really dont care what anyone else says it worked for me) however I am going to suggest a book, whether you do read it is up to you.

good luck, and be safe!

Answer 2

You sound like you care for her very deeply and you are having a hard enough time having to go to Iraq. You are both young and missing out on everything. She is lonely when you are gone and this is one reason she does what she does. But... I would wonder how much she loves you too. I am sure she thinks you might be doing things away from home as well. True love does not change with distance but the loneliness can turn us toward someone else and things do happen. She goes to the bars because you are not there and she is lonely and yes when she is at one there will be men coming on to her. Yes she may do it again since you are going to be gone again. All I can tell you is that if you can stick it all out till your duty in Iraq stops forever then maybe you can make your life together work. I really do not feel this woman loves you enough because I know I would wait through the loneliness for you if I loved you. You are married after all and a woman that loves her man has to take the bad with the good and you being gone is of course bad, but her love should be strong enough for you not to commit a sin against you since you are fighting for our country!

Answer 3

If he is like this only 4 months into the marriage I would hate to see what he is like several years from now! You should probably move out immediately and get an attorney. If it is really this bad, then you should find any way at all to move out. It hardly ever works out living with parents anyway. You two should have gotten your own place to begin. I know with the economy this may not have been possible, but staying with parents puts too much pressure on a marriage. So my suggestion is to move out and consult an attorney immediately about divorce. Someone who starts abusive patterns this early in marriage will only get worse.

Answer 4

I know you love your wife but you're setting yourself up for more heartbreak. She's not ready to be married. She wants her freedom and while you're gone, she's going to do what she wants to do. You can't hold on to somthing that doesn't want to be held. She's already proven to you that she can't be trusted and without trust in the relationship, you have nothing to base it on. You shouldn't have to worry about what your wife is doing back home when you leave for Iraq. You say you can't bring yourself to leave but why would you want to stay? She doesn't respect you or your marriage. Don't you think you deserve more than that from your spouse? Don't make someone a priority in your life if you're only an option in theirs. When you get fed up enough and tired of getting walked on then you'll leave. I hope its sooner than later because you're blocking the way of true happiness. Its going to hurt at first but you're going to relieved in the long run when you do find real love that is faithful and true to you.

Answer 5

Dump the B????; it seems she is up to something my ex was in the navy always before he went out to sea we fought, but everyone did its called anixeity disorder well that is what the military doctor called it once. Told us that every young/old couple goes through it. However since you to are so young, it seems her partying is more important, al she has to do is go out get drunk get pregnant by someone email you a couple weeks later says she is pregnant. When the baby is born it sure dosen't look like maybe your friends, or her so called party buddies. Most young ladies want a man tobe around, not out fighting the war. A young bride wants her hushband with her, well in my case my ex-hushhand was a military cop in fallen nevada he was the one cheating. We'v been divorce 14 yr's now. We are bestfriends, the one that he got pregnant was 18 I was 28 at the time she was his secretary. Well to put it mildly she has recently cheated on him again after 14 yr's marriage. I've always told him so stay with her cause she was a good mother; but she has cheated on him more than a 12 times. He only stays cause they have 3 kids a 14 yr old son, 13 yr old daughter, and a 10 month old baby. My sons are grown now. My ex works 16 hr's day so he can sopport his family. He brings home 1,600.00 a wk after taxes. The reason he works so much is cause the last person she had the fling with was an 18 yr old kid who couldn't read/write. So she told my ex. I've always told him to stay with her cause she is a good person; but that was selfish of me cause I didn't want my sons to have another stepmom. My dad was married 4 times that means to many mom's. The real question is do youlove her enough to put up with it. My ex works/lives in small town in Texas and everyone of his bosses, co-workers, neighbors, know he can't stand to be around her let alone in the same house. Do you want to be like that??????????????????????????????????

Answer 6

I really hate this for you. Being military we see this alot. You need to dis-concern yourself with her right now and concentrate on the task you have ahead. You need to be thinking clearly for yourself and "your buddies backs" that you'll be watching in Iraq!!

As hard as it's going to be to walk away, you need too. Years from now you'll be thankful you did. Imagine what your life with her is going to be like constantly wondering if she's cheating and having her disrespect you like this and especially now. There is someone out for you that will treat you better but if you're stuck with this girl your chances are slim that you'll find somebody else.

If you really feel you need to stay with her then PLEASE don't have kids with her. Leave yourself available to cut the strings if you have to.

Anyone that can leave you feeling this way under these circumstances won't leave you feeling much better under normal circumstances.

Pick your spirits up and "keep your head down", this problem will be around when you get home and you can deal with it then.

Good Luck and God Bless!!!!

Answer 7

what you can both do is grow up...and get away from each other..she's a cheater (once a cheater always a cheater), you cannot trust her, you can't seem to talk to her and you don't have time to mess with an immature little girl (no matter how old she is.)
You need to get to where you're going with a clear head and not her on your mind.
The U.S. needs you....we ALL need you to keep us safe. You're helping our country, each and every one of us...(and thank you for that
[[[[ ]]]])
Do yourself a favor. Treat her to some divorce papers before you leave and stay away from her poison.

Answer 8

I hate to tell you but I agree with everyone else, you need to leave her. She has already cheated on you and still hanging out in bars, you know what will happen as soon as you leave for Iraq, its best to get it over with before you leave or at least get the divorce started.Don't wait until their is a child involved (that may or may not be yours) that will only create more problems.

Answer 9

wow so young, i think its over for you, i know your trying so hard but shes gone the party way, hit the selfish bone, kinda like a midlife crisis, if she loved you strongly enough she would be there to support you.
I understand you love this woman and want it to work but it looks like the meal ticket is the only thing keeping her there.
you got married so young and in this generation its a me generation me me me,
she has cheated on you already and seems to have not much concern about you going away, unless its her way of dealing with it,
from my experience with people i know in the forces the bar is the main place to be so it doesn't surprise me that shes there, thats where her friends are,
i can't say what you should do because i think you already know the answer, your going to see enough pain and toment where your headed, don't come home to more

Answer 10

Normally I would advise someone in this position to really try communicate and work it out. But from what you write, she doesn't seem to care to. You are still very young. Marriage is hard work and it takes the two of you - not just you. Maybe, just maybe you need to move on from this? I know you don't want to hear it, and at the end of the day it is your decision - no one can make it for you. This will be one of the hardest decisions of your life - but it's about time you stood up for yourself and really moved forward. I don't think you need people to tell you what to do - I think you know already but are waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear.

I don't mean to be blunt... but you need to move on and find someone that appreciates you, for you :) Take care, best of luck