do we stand a chance?

Question

before we got married i lied about having a long distance but very intimate relationship with my ex for the first 6 months of mine and my current wifes relationship then lied for a year after we were married about having sex with her during her short trip to see me. she only found out because my ex imed her and told her. my wife lied to me about talking to an ex bc she bumped into him at the store a couple times. she also lied about how many people she was with before me. do we stand a chance at working this out. we both want to but it isnt getting anywhere. there is no trust and especially know bc we are on opposite sides of the world. who did the most wrong? how do we fix this

she was honest later and came to me with the truth but i still cant let it go.

im glad you all see that shes cheating too. she thinks its not bc she never went out or slept with anyone since we met.she only talked to her ex at a store for 10 minutes. i still consider it cheating

i didnt have sex with her while i was married, it was about 6months b4 when we broke up for a couple weeks bc she found out about the other stuff

Answer 1

If you want it to work then the two of you need to sit down and be totally honest with each other. Communication. Keeping secrets from each other and lying just totally rips apart the trust you two should have. So you both messed up. Mistakes were made. I don't think it is a matter of who did the most wrong, but of if you both want it to work. If you do then you have to communicate with each other and try to let things go, you have to take the steps to start building trust again.
Remember if the two of you want to try and work it out then you have to talk, (calmly, in normal voices), try not to judge each other and do not place the blame on each other.

Answer 2

Both of you cheated and lied, so the marriage got off to a bad start, neither of you can be trusted, so I would say you don't have much to build on.Its not a matter of who did the most wrong, you will never work it out with immature attitudes like that, it may be possible to start over but it will take a lot of hard work and dedication on both parts. Sit down with her and have a serious talk and see what happens.

Answer 3

First of all u married her for a reason, not to change her. It really doesnt matter what happened b4 u got married. How many people she was with should not matter because she vowed to be with u and only u now. If u cant trust her u should have never married her. keep people out of your life that keep sabataging u. They r poison 2 your marriage. If u want it to work u should stop what your doing and be honest. If she is being honest now, then give an inch take an inch. Or seek counseling it helps trust me. My husband and I almost got divorced filed and everything but we have children and realized we couldnt live with out eachother. U dont need drama and ex girlfriends, and boyfriends are drama.

Answer 4

It would seem that you are both Liars and infidels .
Never mind who did the most wrong ; to do it once or a dozen times , it's all the same .
It is no good blaming each other ; that creates conflict
If you both want to make the marriage work , you both have to work at it ; you have to be honest with one another , build a trust between you . If you are both promiscuous , have an open marriage .
Trust is an All Important ingredient in a marriage

Answer 5

Maybe you should both accept that NEITHER of you did the most wrong...and try to move past it. I know from experience that a relationship without trust doesn't usually work, but if you both want to make it work, you will figure out a way! But lying to each other all the time will not help. You're married, so if there is something one of you are doing that makes the other one uncomfortable, it should stop. You got married because you loved the person, so the way they feel should mean EVERYTHING to both of you.....if it's meant to be, you will figure out a way to make it work.

Answer 6

here is a start stop lying to one another and you shouldnt have said I do if you were going to keep screwing someone else as far as how many people she had been with maybe she didnt want you to think her a slut considering how most guys view this! Plus she probably wasnt sure how you would react to her seeing an ex no matter how innocent the situation, however you broke your vows to cleave only unto her, for better or worse! Come on you hadnt even got through the honey moon and your screwing someone else and then you only seem sorry that you got caught. I aint saying her lying was good and yours bad but hers were more white lies to spare you both unnessasary hurt feelings yours were to hide your own misdeeds. lay your souls bare and start anew its the only way to build trust and renew your vows.

Answer 7

First of all, you need to understand that talking to an ex and bedding an ex are two completely different things! You cheated on her. Period. So what if she lied to you about how many men she's been with? That's before you. How dare you hold it against her! I think what's really happening here is that you are looking for faults in her to justify your own wrong-doing. You have a chance if you can be a man and own up to your mistakes.
Hey, you asked.....

Answer 8

It's not about who did the most wrong - but how much are you willing to do to make it work. If you both really want this relationship and work towards that goal I think you guys have a chance, a good chance :) But, you need to let go of the past and focus on your future together!

Answer 9

If you are ever going to have a relationship you both need to grow up and commit to each other and STOP keeping score on the history channel and tune in to what is going on in the present. No one but you and she can tell if you can work things out but you will never make it if you need to know you are better than she is and didn't sin as much as she did.....
yadayada Long distance relationships a difficult under the best of times but until you guys trust each other you are going NO WHERE FAST ! ! ! !

Answer 10

Stop lying to each other, and don't expect things to change overnight. I know couples who have put each other through plenty worse, but really loved each other and got themselves together and have been married for 10+ years now. It's all about dedication and patience. I wish I could give you more in depth advice, but it's hard for strangers to really know everything that has gone on. Long story short, you can work through almost anything you want to...But it will take time, and both partners have to want to badly. Good luck to you, I've been there.