I have been married for 2 1/2 years. I got married when I was 21. I don't really know if I love him. He is a wonderful guy who cooks, cleans and even irons. We never arque either. I just don't feel passion for him. I don't even remember if I ever have.I don't know if I can be unhappy for 50 years. I don't want to hurt him. I made a mistake and can't take it back. Please don't be rude! Serious answers only. Thanks
2007-10-29 16:30:50 · 14 answers · asked by Amanda E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do appriciate everything he does for me, that is why I feel so bad. I really want to love him with all my heart. I wish I didn't feel this way. I don't need anything about him to change. Maybe I need counseling?
2007-10-29 17:25:53 · update #1
By the way, I have NEVER and will NEVER cheat on him!! That is not the kind of person I am!
2007-10-29 17:27:56 · update #2
you married young .. yes, it's hard to imagine spending the rest of your ENTIRE life with that person especially when you NEVER got to experience the world, your freedom, etc. There are so many things that I'm sure you'd like to be doing right now that isn't possible when you're married. What makes it hard is that he's probably a really nice guy and a GREAT husband. Someone who would make some girl really happy one day. but it's not you, is it? yeah, it sucks. If you're like me, you probably think that you could be a better wife if he was someone else. You don't give it a 100 percent anymore.. and yes, he could be happier with someone else... he deserves better, right? It's not wrong to feel these things..sometimes we feel like we are being held back or are the ones holding someone back.. We all make mistakes.. for starters, talk to him.. tell him exactly what's going on in that head of yours...
2007-10-29 16:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you talk to him about your Blah feeling? No arguing, no passion, can make for a smooth ride, but it's the "bumps" in life that make it exciting!
Can you join a dance class together? A bowling league? Something you can do together that will have fun or silly element. Try leaving little notes around that he will find. Suggestions for things you'd like to do together- sexy, silly, fun, or serious. See what kind of response you get. He can't read your mind so you may need to show him what would be exciting or stimulating for you.
The funny thing is that in 30 years you will be wishing for a man that does what he does, it may be the way he knows to show you how much he loves you. But at your age, I wanted passion, sparks, a good argument and a great make-up! Now, at 45, I would consider emptying the dishwasher without asking him to be foreplay!
Try a few of the suggestions you find here. If you truly feel in your heart that this is love without the "in-love" after a 6 month try it out period, then you need to sit him down and explain it. You can love him for the good, kind and caring person he is but not want to be married to him because of these elements. There has to be a spark of some kind to ignite the welder that will keep you together. If you can't find it, then you need to let it go. I hope for both your sakes you can make it work!
2007-10-30 01:56:00 · answer #2 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You certainly not a bad person to feel the way you feel. Matter of fact, it is normal to feel this way if you are with your husband around 3 years. The chemistry of romantic has faded, the stronger bond between you two should be establishing. At this moment you don’t have passion towards your husband and don’t even remember you have ever had. My guess is that the love languages between you two may be different, e.g., you might want him to say wonderful words to you not just do wonderful things for you. And you two might be avoidant because you have never argued. The unsolved issues can kill the passion if any. My suggestion to you is to see a good marriage counselor right away if you have a hard time to tell your feelings to your husband. Wish you happy and good luck.
2007-10-30 00:01:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are feeling is pretty normal don't worry about it ,it will go away.That's one of the ups and down time we married people talk about. Haven't you ever heard married people say I love him more now then the day i married him,well it's true. What you think is love in the very beginning isn't love at all,you know that from the way you are feeling now to wards your husband.
Don't sweat it just go with it, it does get better and you will fall in love with him if you don't worry about it. One day you will look at him and say to yourself I love him when did this happen. To be fair to you he is my third husband and i was 27 when we married. I was 18 the first time and 22 the second time around and both husbands cheated on me so i left them.I know you feel like the four walls are closing in on you. You are very young to be tided down but you do have a good man at least you make him sound that way.I think you love him but your just not ready for him yet.
When i would feel the way you do now i would think to myself, what would i do if i left him and he got another girlfriend could i stand to see him holding or dancing or kissing another woman OH HELL NO! that's what helped me get through the down times. I don't want another womans hands on my husband i don't know about you.
It's now 28 plus years later and i am so glad i did not give in to my selfish thoughts. I was just thinking about myself and how unhappy i was. You will get over it only if you want to.
What would you do if you fount out that your husband was having an affair with a co-worker would you fall in love with him now knowing someone else wants him, I bet you would....??
2007-10-29 23:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry that you are feeling this way. since you mention the relationship lacks passion, why not try and ignite the passion, go on a romantic or adventure trip together? If all else fails, see a counsellor, seek professional help. I know you are a good person and you don't want to hurt him, so try your best to save this marriage
2007-10-29 23:37:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry you feel this way i am just wondering did you love him when you got married? i am a married women and my husband does all the house work and looks after me very well
but it can happen you can fall out of love i have been there and done that as well
2007-10-30 00:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by mezzina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard thing to go through. Try to ignite your passion like a couple people said. But if you feel this way then let him go. Maybe you will find the one. And it isn't good to string him along. Good luck.
2007-10-29 23:43:32 · answer #7 · answered by Mommyof2 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's because you don't appreciate him and all he does for you. Seriously. Women expect to be wined and dined the rest of their lives. They forget all the small things. When my guy cooks and cleans...it completely turns me on. But, I'm weird like that. I notice the small things.
2007-10-29 23:38:03 · answer #8 · answered by CC 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to a marriage counselor. Sometimes we just need some help working things out.
2007-10-29 23:38:59 · answer #9 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you feel that you made a mistake, you owe it to him to be up front with him so he doesn't spend a lifetime with YOU and waste his life with someone who "MADE A MISTAKE". Have the guts to make it right for HIM before you have kids. It's the right thing to do.
2007-10-29 23:40:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋