What do you thinks of these cuts in hospital?

Question

Hospital Cost Cutting Measures
To: All Hospital Staff
From: Adminstration/Groundskeeping
Date: March 23, 2000
Re: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective April 1 this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the park areas. In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardiac and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.

Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, etc., before meal time. Coin-operated phones will be available in the patient rooms for this purpose as well as for other calls the patient may wish to make.

Housekeeping and physical therapy are being combined. Mops will be issued to those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range-of-motion exercise as well as a clean environment. Families of ambulatory patients may also sign up to clean the rooms of non-ambulatory patients for special discounts for their final bill. Time cards will be provided.

As you can see in the "FROM" line above, administration is assuming grounds keeping duties. If an adminstrator cannot be reached by calling his/her office it is suggested that you walk outside and listen for the sound of a lawn mower, weed whacker, etc.

Engineering is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the TIME_LIFE "How to..." series of maintainence books. These books can be checked out from administration, and a toolbox will be standard equipment on all nursing units. We will be receiving the series at the rate of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on Basic Wiring, but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to handle it as best you can until the appropriate volume arrives.

Cutbacks in the phlebotomy staff will be accommodated by only performing blood-related lab tests on patients who are already bleeding.

Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than two x-rays per patient stay. This is due to the turnaround time required by Revco's photolab. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are being advised to clip coupons from the Sunday paper if they want extra sets. Revco's will honor competitor's coupons for one-hour processing in emergency situations, so if you come across any coupons, please clip them and send them to the ER.

In light of the extremely hot summer temperature the electric company has been asked to install individual meters in each patient room, office, etc., so that the electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately billed. Fans will be available for sale or lease in the hospital gift shop.

In addition to the current recycling program, a bin for the collection of unused fruit and bread will soon be provided on each floor. Families, patients and the few remaining employees are encouraged to contribute discarded produce. The resulting moldy compost will be utilized by the pharmacy for nocosomial production of antibiotics. The antibiotics will also be available for purchase through the hospital pharmacy and will, coincidentally, soon be the only antibiotics listed in the HMO's formulary

Answer 1

LOL!!! If they could get away with it, they'd no doubt try at least some of these measures! My sister's father-in-law is a hospital administrator---I can't wait till he gets this e-mail!! heehee

Answer 2

Some of this is already happening in the U.S. except the Charge Nurse doesn't get a gun. We have and HMO Plan and it is the one plan at the bottom of the other plans.
The mothers go into hospital for a baby and that night her and her new baby is discarged the very same day. The Medicines we are allowed to be paid by them after a nice hefty co- pay is in a book sent to us. They even tell us which doctors that will see us with this plan. And you can go to only one hospital as if you were to go to the other one in our city, you are sent to the hospital with that plan.
Aboot 3 years ago a young lady was taken by ambulance and she was taken to the closets one as it was a code red. She was in real bad shape when her baby was born and the baby was in distress and not one doctor looked at either on of them and the told the Ambulance Paramedics they would not see them because the didn't have that hospitals insurance plan. So, the paramedics were told to take the young girl and the bady to our other hospital for care and one the way there they both coded and died in the back of the Ambulance. A new young mother and her daughter died because they did not have the right insurance plan. The hospital that turned this Ambulance away was found not guily of any wrong doing.
This one hit the newspapers and the telly news for aboot a week. So, Here in the so-called good old United States the insursance companies have been given the right to say who lives and who dies.

Answer 3

With funding money so hard to come by and the little facilities do get is not enough, this type of article does not surprise me. Some of the items seemed a little extreme, but aren't we living in an extreme world...i.e. War on Terrorism and all the Real Reality shows.

This world is taking a turn for the worst and I do not want to be around to see it!

Answer 4

They probably are cat scratches, I have a 12 yr old kitty that has attacked in me one way or another everyday for almost that whole time. I am covered but the hands & wrists are favorite targets as they tend to run into her while I sleep.

Answer 5

That's funny. When you get discharged from the hospital have you ever read the bill and all they charge you for. The best one was sanitary napkins for my husband!!! They charge you for things you never touch. Plus, you may just leave with a staph infection!

Answer 6

Har de har har har, most amusing but that is a piece of plagiarism, you have copied that from the directive from the Minister of Health to the National Health System in the UK, I doubt that it would ever be enforced anywhere in the world including the deepest darkest depths of New Guinea, except in the UK. with the exception of the 0.38cal. we don't have guns, instead the the hospital staff will be armed with a stick of limp celery or the collected memoirs of Tony Blair to bore them to death.

Answer 7

FUNNY! - believe it or not, that piece near the beginning re: range of motion therapy reminded me of post surgery consultaltion with my surgeon [I had broken my hand and wrist and had implants]. He suggested I get a scrub board [remember the 'wavy' ones] and wash clothes by hand, telling me that motion in addition to wringing would help in my regaining full use of my hand!

Actually he was right!

Answer 8

Very funny - but unfortunately a lot of hospitals are really cutting back - many on basic essentials!

Answer 9

I knew they would have to improve things some day. Sounds like they are on the right track.

Answer 10

Must be an HMO hospital...LOL